SixFeet Cold
by Enivrement
Summary: After six years of self imposed exile in the Muggle World, Harry returns to Hogwarts under the request of Albus Dumbledore. AU book5 some angst, some slash, some action, some music. [COMPLETED]
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer:**          I don't own, nor do I want to own, Harry Potter.  J.K. Rowling owns them.  I've no intention of making any profit off of this, it's merely used to satisfy my desire to write and possibly to amuse you, the reader, though you can pay me if you want.  Song Lyrics from Do the Evolution belong to Pearl Jam.

**Warning:              **This will be R and will contain *SLASH*  You don't like it, don't read.

**Summary:             **Harry returned to Hogwarts after six years of self exile into the Muggle World and the defeat of Voldemort.

**AN:**                         This is my first attempt at fanfiction.  Period.  I've tried to post a little bit of original work, but I passed the project onto Rubberboots.  I discovered that fanfiction gets more reviews, and also, that most story ideas I have run to closely to Rowling's world, so I might as well right fanfiction.

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Prologue 

Silly Rabbit, Trix are for Kids.
    
    Woo..
    
    I'm ahead, I'm a man
    
    I'm the first mammal to wear pants, yeah
    
    I'm at peace with my lust
    
    I can kill 'cause in God I trust, yeah
    
    It's evolution, baby
    
    I'm at piece, I'm the man
    
    Buying stocks on the day of the crash
    
    On the loose, I'm a truck
    
    All the rolling hills, I'll flatten' em out, yeah
    
    It's herd behaviour, uh huh
    
    It's evolution, baby
    
    Admire me, admire my home
    
    Admire my son, he's my clone.
    
    Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
    
    This land is mine, this land is free
    
    I'll do what I want but irresponsibly
    
    It's evolution, baby
    
    I'm a thief, I'm a liar
    
    There's my church, I sing in the choir:
    
    Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
    
    Admire me, admire my home
    
    Admire my son, admire my clothes
    
    'Cause we know, appetite for a nightly feast
    
    Those ignorant Indians got nothin' on me
    
    Nothin', why?
    
    Because, it's evolution, baby!
    
    I am ahead, I am advanced
    
    I am the first mammal to make plans, yeah
    
    I crawled the earth, but now I'm higher
    
    Twenty-ten, watch it go to fire
    
    It's evolution, baby
    
    Do the evolution
    
    Come on, come on, come on

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                I knew I must have made quite the sight as I entered onto platform nine and three quarters.  It wasn't entirely my fault.  My friends had been insistent on seeing my off at the train station, and had also insisted that I bring all of my band equipment, a full drum kit, so that I could practice while I was away.  

                My very muggle friends.

                So there I was, in muggle clothing that had become nearly a second skin to me, dragging nearly half of my wardrobe and a drum kit behind me, amidst a group brightly coloured Wizards and Witches sporting robes, and carrying broomsticks and owls in cages

                I had to stop myself from staring.  I'd been away from this world for 6 years, and it came as somewhat of a shock.  It was like stepping into a fairytale all over again.  And this was despite the fact that I had had to stop by Diagon Alley earlier that week to pick up supplies and a new wand.

                The second I had moved far enough away from the entrance, I cast a shrinking charm on all of my belongings making them not only much easier to carry, but also easier to store on the train.  There was no way I would be able to fit half of that stuff into one compartment if I'd kept it all it's original size.

                I boarded the train almost immediately, ill at ease from all of the stares I'd been receiving.  The only saving grace was that I wasn't hearing anyone whispering.  They were all just shocked to see a muggle-looking man walk confidently through them, even though I didn't feel confident at all.

                Either that or they were shocked at seeing a one eyed man wearing a tight, black, turtle-necked tank top and a pair of leather pants with long black hair and eyeliner around the one good, violet eye was somewhat surprising.

                Either way I quickly made my way back to the professors' compartments on the train and slid into one before locking the door and stowing away my belonging, thankful no one had recognized me.  I had muggle ingenuity to thank for that.  

                Nothing like a little cover-up and coloured contacts to disguise the trademark lightning-bolt scar and emerald green eyes that were directly linked to Harry Potter.

                I shook my head slightly thinking of a cereal commercial on television.

_                Silly Wizards.  Tricks aren't just for kids._

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**AN:**         I mentioned before I wrote fanfiction to get more reviews.  I get discouraged easily, hence the passing on of the other project.  Give me feedback.  If you think it's worth continuing, tell me.  If it should be scrapped, tell me.  If you got a new puppy and want to brag about it, tell me.  I just want to know someone is reading this.

                As for the song lyrics?  I have no idea why I put them there.  They seemed appropriate.  Bitter, kind of like Harry's mood… I don't know really.  Invent your own reasons.  I just love that song.  

Next chapter will be up by at least next weekend.

REVIEW!  Use the little box at the bottom left.   *Nods enthusiastically.*  You know you want to.


	2. I: Flashbacks Within Flashbacks

**Disclaimer:                 **I don't own, nor do I want to own, Harry Potter.  J.K. Rowling owns them.  I've no intention of making any profit off of this, it's merely used to satisfy my desire to write and possibly to amuse you, the reader, though you can pay me if you want.  Song Lyrics from Disarm belong to The Smashing Pumpkins or Billy Corgan, not sure who.

**Warning:                **This will be R and will contain *SLASH*  You don't like it, don't read.

**Summary:                **Harry returned to Hogwarts after six years of self exile into the Muggle World and the defeat of Voldemort.

**AN:                         ***mutterings* Stupid snow.  Stupid head-cold.  Stupid math with its reciprocal of the square rooted imaginary number multiplied by itself to equal the complex conjugate of z.  I **_loath_** math today, even more than that illness and that long walk home through the two feet of snow in the park.

Fortunately for me I checked my e-mail after doing the stupid math homework.  After one day I've gotten twenty reviews!  Twenty reviews for 879 words (FF.net always gets the word count wrong.  Said this originally had 2000 some odd words)!  I was speechless.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed and/or stroked my ego.  Very much appreciated.  Guess my little plea in the prologue worked.

Most common demands made were for me to explain the past six years and to explain Dumbledore's connection; that and to make the chapters longer.   I have every intention of doing those things.  The prologue was short because… for some reason I always make the prologue short.  Rest of the chapters should be at least 2000 words.

Please proceed and enjoy.

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Chapter I Flashback 
    
    Disarm you with a smile
    
    Cut you like you want me too
    
    Cut that little child
    
    Inside of me and such a part of you
    
    I used to be a little boy
    
    So old in my shoes
    
    And what I choose is my choice
    
    What's a boy supposed to do
    
    The killer in me is the killer in you
    
    My love - I send a smile over to you
    
    Disarm you with a smile
    
    And leave you like they left me here
    
    To wither in denial
    
    The bitterness of one who's left alone
    
    I used to be a little boy
    
    So old in my shoes
    
    And what I choose is my voice
    
    What's a boy supposed to do
    
    The killer in me is the killer in you
    
    My love - I send this smile over to you
    
    The killer in me is the killer in you

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                Sitting in the cabin brought back fond memories of my own years at Hogwarts, such as playing Quidditch, the Christmas holidays and simply annoying our _beloved_ potions professor Severus  Snape.  I smiled at these, but the train also reminded me of the less than fond circumstances at which I had left the school at age eighteen as well as the events that had led me to go there again.

                I closed my eyes and let all of these memories wash over me…

_.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._Flashback_.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._

                _I watched in complete horror as the owl flew away from the window ledge, satisfied that it had delivered its message into the proper hands.  It meant that after six years that had finally found me.  Six years of going through great pains to avoid my past life all for naught._

_                Oh yeah, you've got it right.  The-Boy-Who-Lived, Voldemort's Conqueror, The Saviour of the Wizarding World, one Harold James Potter, had run away._

Where was that great Griffindor spirit now?

_                Amazing how six years could make one sound like the dour potions master we all loved to hate._

_                Of course, no one called me Harry Potter any more.  I'd gone through all of the legal Muggle methods to have that changed.  My name was now Ethan James, an odd tribute to my parents who died to protect me._

_                Ethan James, the one-eyed drummer for the indie band 6' Cold._

_                Yep.  Harry Potter was a member of an Alt. Rock band, and he'd managed to lose his right eye in the last battle against Voldemort._

_                No one knew that last bit of information though.  No one except Albus…_

_                He'd been the one to find me after Voldemort's death.  He'd been the one to patch me up until he could get me to Poppy._

_                I'd slipped away before he'd had the chance.  Just disappeared into the night.  I don't even know how I did it, but I managed to stumble, a bloody and mangled mess, into a Muggle emergency room.  Weren't they surprised to see me there; a teenage boy without any ID or family in near critical condition with no idea what had happened to me._

_                I did manage to remember how I had lost that eye, however._

_                When I'd tried to perform that final, Unforgivable curse, my wand shattered.  Several pieces had imbedded themselves into my hand, but the largest had flown up into my face.  It hit me across my right eye, but the impact had crushed it and left a scar running across the now empty socket._

_                At the hospital they'd asked me if I'd wanted a glass eye.  I said Hell no!  Ever practical, I'd rather not have it staring one way while I looked the other.  I remembered an English teacher I'd had before being accepted at Hogwarts who'd had a glass eye, and while he was incredibly kind, I couldn't help but be uncomfortable around him because one could never tell which way he was staring._

_                Instead, they stuffed it with something else so the socket could cave in and stitched it up, leaving a scar even more grotesque than it would have been before._

_                I can't remember much else from that final battle.  It was all a blur that I'd rather forget.  The only prominent memory was that of losing my eye._

_                Afterwards, I obtained my birth certificate, social security number and drivers licence from dear Uncle.  He and his family had been much kinder once I'd graduated and was no longer deemed an underage wizard.  They'd kept many things safe for me and had been a safe house for me several times in the last year before Voldemort's demise._

_                Another precaution I'd taken in that year was to have nearly half of my money converted into Muggle funds in case I needed to hide in the Muggle world for an extended period of time.  It was at Albus' insistence, and I was glad I had.  His foresight helped me get a job, a roommate and a place to live, as well as a place in _6' Cold.__

_                After that, I lived very much like a young Muggle Man, or as well as I could, considering I couldn't resist the urge to perform simple acts of magic; a heating charm here, a summoning spell there.  All of this enhanced by my new found ability to perform magic despite the lack of a wand.  It seemed magical energies could be channelled through nearly anything, even the wizard himself, though it left him exhausted.  A wand simply made it so much easier, and since I didn't have one…_

_                There was one other thing I desired in my new life, though.  I was in desperate need to find something to appeal to that extreme sense of discipline Severus Snape had instilled in all of his students, whether they desired it or not._

_                Until my final year, potions had never been one of my favourite courses.  During seventh year, however, Albus thought a private tutor in the Defence Against the Dark Arts would be useful.  The teacher?  Severus of course, and while he did like DADA, his first love would always be potions, hence I learned various poisons, antidotes and anything else in his field that could be remotely related to DADA.._

_                In addition to that I was taught several Dark Arts that didn't require sacrifice and the counter spells.  While rumours that he desired the DADA position had been fabricated to make him seem the power hungry Death Eater he was supposed to portray, it didn't mean that he wasn't completely qualified in teaching it._

_                Oddly, aside from Ron, Hermione, Sirius and Lupin, Severus was my fondest memory from Hogwarts.  Between the utter praise and dependency others bestowed upon me, Severus had helped me stay grounded.  Once he understood that I did not enjoy the life I was forced to live, we both discovered we had more than a little in common, and while he didn't enjoy hearing that the Sorting Hat had wanted to place me in Slytherin, it was he who kept me from being swept away by what other people thought I should do.   The other four were the ones who kept me from being swept away by complete and utter despair…_

_                …but back to my life after Hogwarts._

_                I had come to enjoy potions, so it was only natural that I took up cooking.  It employed the exact same concepts and methods, and while not quite as rewarding, my roommate certainly enjoyed it… except when I made him try my various concoctions.  There would occasionally be several wrong dishes before I got it the way I wanted it._

_My life was good now.  I was able to forget for more than an hour at a time the things I had had to do._

_It all came flashing back when I picked up the envelop and read the bright green text.  My address was printed neatly in the centre, the return address, Hogwarts._

_As much as I wanted to rip the letter into bits without reading it and burn the pieces, I knew it would only get worse if I didn't read it.  I remembered the days leading up to my eleventh birthday._

Ah, fond memories there.__

_I opened the letter hesitantly and began to read._

Mr. Ethan James:

                In two months, as you well know, another year will begin at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and as I'm sure you know, there will be several new positions opening.

                I'm sure you are also aware that certain positions are believed to be cursed, seeing as how none have remained more than a year for the past fifteen years.

                Word has reached me through the Ministry of Magic that you are a wizard with reputable skill in the Defence Against the Dark Arts, as well as several other areas.

                Since I am certain you will not be daunted by the prospect of the curse, I will inquire as to whether or not you would be interested in this position for the following year.

                If you are so interested, please contact me and we can discus terms such as salary and other arrangements.

Yours truly,

Albus Dumbledore

Order of Merlin, First Class

Headmaster of Hogwarts 

School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

                _I sighed in defeat upon reading this.  There was no way I would be able to escape taking on the position.  _

_Albus _knew_, damn it!  He knew where I lived, knew what would happen if he sent owls here.  Knew I would be questioned by my friends.  Damn it but that man seemed to know everything, and he would give me no choice.  I would either have to flee again or accept the inevitable and take on the position for a year._

_I fabricated a wonderful lie to tell my friends about going to London to help take a job with old friends to help them out for the year, and they believed me, the poor fools.  _

_I felt soiled for lying to them, but there was no other way._

When I met with Albus before the end of the summer, I swore to him I would not teach more than one year, and he merely gave me that knowing smile.

Damn you Albus, you cunning bastard.

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                I heard a knock on the cabin door and I opened it.  The lady with the tray of sweets and pumpkin juice asked me kindly if I wanted anything.  Strangely, she was the same woman who'd been there my first year, and she seemed to have not changed at all.

                I bought a bottle of butter beer, some pastries, chocolate frogs and Berty Bott's Every Flavoured Beans.  I even gave the woman a large tip, and she smiled kindly, in an almost motherly way.  It gave me that warm feeling inside, and I finally didn't feel so angry anymore.

                I actually started feeling a little happy.  I would be going back to Hogwarts, the first home I had ever known.  I pushed aside all of my food and smiled as I lay back and closed my eyes, this time letting only the fond memories make themselves known.

                …Hermionie and her excessive studying…

                …Ron's utter fascination with Quidditch…

                …Trying to avoid Filch in the hallways…

                …Peeves, that stupid poltergeist that made everyone's life a living hell…

                …Snape, that stupid teacher who made everyone's life a living hell, but who had been like a father to me…

                …Sirius and his ability to make me laugh even in the hardest of times…

                …Lupin and his calming presence, even if he didn't say anything…

                …Even Albus, his conniving and his way of never giving you the answer you want but instead the answer to the question you should have asked.

                Maybe it wouldn't be that bad.  Just one year.

                Besides, I could still try and teach myself to play the guitar, something I'd never had the chance to do while living in the Muggle world.

                I'm pretty sure I must have fallen asleep with that stupid grin on my face.

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**AN:**         Wow… I did this in one night.  Don't ever expect it again.  I was just pumped by all of the reviews I got.  Keep giving them to me.  They're what keep me writing.  

Tell me if I should keep writing, if I should quit, if you got that theoretical new dog or if you have any suggestions for improvement.

                Thanks again to all who reviewed.  Much appreciated.

                Now, please click on that nice button in the bottom left.  Feed the author!


	3. II: Rat in a Cage

**Disclaimer:**          I don't own, nor do I want to own, Harry Potter.  J.K. Rowling owns them.  I do own a Draco though, my cat was somehow renamed that without my knowledge.  Song Lyrics from Bullet With Butterfly Wings belong to Smashing Pumpkins or Billy Corgan.  

**Warning:              **This will be R and will contain *SLASH*  You don't like it, don't read.

**Summary:             **Harry returned to Hogwarts after six years of self-exile into the Muggle World and the defeat of Voldemort.

**AN:                                         **I hate money!  Sucks than the world relies on it so much, but it's a necessary evil.  Manages to make decent people's lives hell though.

Enough about my rant, however.  Thanks again for all of the reviews.  I'm surprised no ones flamed me about SOMETHING.  I'm desperate to cry out for a flame here or I might get to big headed.

                                                Here's a few replied to certain reviews:

_Xikum_-                   Homework is evil, but doing it early provides time to do whatever I want with the rest of my day, namely drawing, writing or playing with pets.

_Frankie_-                Not updating more quickly.  Two parts in two days is more than I can handle.  I unfortunately have to attend that bothersome thing some call school.  Expect and update every two are three days maybe?

_t.a.g_.-                      Thanks for the corrections.  I currently don't have the books because I lent them to a Harry Potter sceptic.  I'm hoping to get her hooked…

_Katrina_-                Congratulations on the new cat.  I like cats two.  I currently have a tabby sleeping on my monitor and her tails in the way…

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The world is a vampire, sent to drain  
Secret destroyers, hold you up to the flames  
And what do I get, for my pain  
Betrayed desires, and a piece of the game  
Even though I know- I suppose I'll show  
All my cool and cold- like old job  
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage  
Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved  
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage  
Now I'm naked, nothing but an animal  
But can you fake it, for just one more show  
And what do you want, I want to change  
And what have you got  
When you feel the same  
Even though I know- I suppose I'll show  
All my cool and cold- like old job  
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage  
Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved  
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage  
Tell me I'm the only one  
Tell me there's no other one  
Jesus was an only son  
Tell me I'm the chosen one  
Jesus was an only son for you  
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage  
And I still believe that I cannot be saved

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                I woke to another knock on the cabin door, this one softer, almost timid.  I opened my eye and saw a young student standing at the now open door.  At first I was a little surprised because I thought I had locked it, but then I realized I had forgotten to relock it after I'd bought the food from the trolley lady.

                The young boy had messy brown hair, and I was pretty sure he had a group of friends hiding in the hallway.  He stood there staring at me for several moments, and, seeing as how he wasn't leaving, I sat up and smiled at him. 

                "Um… sir…" the boy stuttered timidly and trailed off, reminding me somewhat of Neville Longbottom's dealings with Severus.   That made the smile on my face genuine.  I wondered briefly how he was doing.  How everyone was doing.  

                The boy continued once he'd composed himself.  "Sir.  We've arrived at the school.  I didn't know if you'd noticed, because you were sleeping."  He glanced slightly to his left, presumably at his friends.  "My friends and I just thought you should know."

                I brushed the hair off of my face that had escaped the tie at the nape of my neck and tucked it behind my ears subconsciously.  The boy winced slightly when he saw the scars over my missing eye, but I'd become used to this reactions, so I simply smiled and ignored him.

                "Thank you very much," I replied softly, turning around to grab my belongings from the shelf.  "You should rejoin your friends now.  I'll see you at the welcoming feast."

                The boy seemed somewhat flustered, though I wasn't sure why.  He nodded jerkily and then offered a hesitant smile of his own before fleeing the cabin.  I hear him speak to his friends after he caught up with them.

                "See!  I told you he was a teacher."

                "Can't be.  He looks too young," another voice answered.

                "Besides, he's got an earring and leather pants…" came a slightly wistful female voice.

                "Only you would notice that, Janie."

                The brief conversation reminded me of my third year when Remus had come to teach the DADA.  Our appraisal of him hadn't been as kind, but he'd looked ill, and it hadn't been malicious in any way.

                _Oh Merlin, poor Remus._

                Of my closest companions, he'd suffered the most through the war.  He'd been shunned by both sides of the war: by the light for being a werewolf, by the Death Eaters for being on our side.  It was ironic.  He'd been crippled trying to save a Death Eater who'd been a spy for our side, Severus.  He'd saved the very person he was supposed to hate.  

                It had been that event that had breeched the gap between my godfather and my potions professor, but it was too high a price to pay.  Remus had never been able to walk again.

                I wondered how Sirius, Remus and Snape were doing now.  I hoped I could at least see them again, even if I was no longer in their lives, nor the boy they used to know.

                I suddenly found myself wondering what it would be like living close to them, yet not being able to be part of their lives.  I couldn't go back now, not after so long, not with all the pain I associated with the school.   One year.  That was my deal with Albus.  I'd spent too long trying to forget what I had done.  I wasn't going to get myself involved in this live only to have to flee again.

                Even so, returning to this life only made me realize how much I had missed it.

                For me Hogwarts seemed to represent a double-edged sword.  I yearned to stay, but I would survive it.   Past daemons did too good a job haunting me, and seeing the faces of those who'd lost loved ones would only feed their power on me.

                Realizing I'd been standing there for a little too long, I slung my bags over my shoulders and, steeling my nerves, I walked down the aisle and stepped off the train.  The sun bathed my skin and I smiled.  Looking over to the lake I saw Hagrid leading the first years to the boats that would take them to the school where they would be sorted.

                Hagrid: the friendly giant.  Taller than any other man I knew, always dressed in long brown robes with his bushy hair and long bushy beard.   There seemed a little more grey in it that when last I saw it, but I knew he hadn't aged a bit.  To mater what you threw at him, he would always be innocent, always believing in the fact that everyone would have some good in them.

                He was my first friend, and while I would never trust him with a secret, I _would_ trust him with my life.

                I think I actually felt tears well up in my eyes, but I wouldn't do something as foolish as to let them fall in public.  I forced myself to hold back the tears of joy, mingled with sadness.  Once more, I was home, but I couldn't stay.

                The rest of the students were making their way to the entrance of the school.  At first I wondered if I should follow them, but then I saw a familiar sight:  black robes seemed to billow dramatically behind him as Severus walked up to me.  He extended his hand in greeting.

                His voice was a silky baritone.  "I am Severus Snape, Potions Master here.  Albus bade me to bid you welcome and lead you to the dinning hall where you will be formally introduced to the students."  

_Bade you with a cane, I'm sure, I thought good-naturedly._

He took a quick look at my choice in clothing, and the corner of his lips twitched up slightly, as not quite wanting to smile.  "Though I suspect you might want to change your attire before the Welcome Feast."

                I returned his nit quite smile.  "You may have something there, Professor," I replied taking his hand.  "I've heard much about you from Headmaster Dumbeldor. Your reputation precedes you."

                This time Severus actually did smile and it was nice to see.  There was also a hint of a chuckle in his voice, as he spoke and raised his hands as if in defence.  "I assure you!  It's not what you think!"

                I laughed out loud at his joke, half from the joke and part from the shock that it had come from Severus.  Though I'd known him better than most students, he'd never been one for normal humour.  

                Though perhaps it was simply because of the strain from being a spy for the light.  It seemed the past six years had agreed with him.  Being free of the chains both Voldemort and Albus had placed on him seemed to agree with him.  I was happy for him.

                …though the little voice in the back of my head cried at the injustice of it all.  _Why can't I ever be free,_ it seemed to cry.

                _Because I can't let go, I responded to it, and then let out a bitter chuckle.  First because I was suffering from mood swings worse than a woman complaining of PMS, and secondly, because I was talking to the little voices in the back of my head._

                My friends were right.  I was crazy.

                "I'll lead you to a chamber in which you can change and after that we can join the others in the Great Hall, and with luck we'll be able to hear the Sorting Hat's song.  It's rather amusing at times."

                I nodded slightly.  I enjoyed the song each year, because, while following the same patterns, it was always different from year to year.  Ron and I had wondered why in a third year, and had realized that it was probably because the Hat was stored on a shelf for a entire year, and had nothing better to do with itself.

                I trailed Severus as he led me through yet another doorway into Hogwarts.  This was one I hadn't noticed before, and obviously neither had the Marauders, because it wasn't on their map.

                The thought left my mind as we approached the Great Hall.  We stopped briefly for me to rummage through the only bag I had left with me (because the house elves had taken the rest of my belongings) for my black robes.  

I slipped them on overtop my other clothing, and then followed Severus to the back entrance to the Great Hall.  We arrived just in time to hear the Sorting Hat sing, though we didn't enter the Hall, instead standing in the doorway to look in, unseen.

The Hall fell silent as the Hat began its song.

"I might not be a pretty thing,

But there's more here, obviously.

While others pull hares from their hats

I tell the truth, you see,

For I'm the Hogwarts Sorting Hat

And I'll tell you what you'll be.

From Gryffindor the brave will come

To protect those unprepared

For Gryffindors will do the things

Those others wouldn't dare.

Look to the clever in your group;

From Ravenclaw they'll hail.

Those with brains will always know

That logic never fails.

For those whose actions are never rash,

In Hufflepuff you'll thrive.

With hard work and charity

You'll certainly survive.

In Slytherin you'll certainly be,

If ambition is your thing.

Their action always has import

And glory it will bring.

Now step up all to try me on

For I have done my song.

You have no need to be afraid

For I am _never_ wrong!"

The Great Hall burst into applause as the song came to a close, and Severus and I snuck silently to the two empty seats left at the staff table, which were on either end from each other.  Fortunately, no one noticed our entrance, because Mcgonagall had begun announcing the names of the first years.

I clapped as each child was sorted into their prospective houses, ate when the food arrived and made polite conversations, avoiding any topic that dealt too closely with my past.  I was quite prepared with my veil of lies I'd been constructing since I'd agreed to take the position.  

No one was going to know who I was.

At the end of the dinner, when the prefects were leading the students to their common rooms, Albus approached me.  My heart sank, though I'd always loved talking with him when I was younger.

"Mr. James.  A word with you in my office when you're ready?" he said, and while it was phrased as a question, I knew it was really and order.  Not in the conventional sense though.  Albus would merely hunt you down in a way you would never notice and give you no choice but to speak with him.

"Very well."

_Bloody hell._

_.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._

**AN:**         I didn't really like the way this chapter turned out, but I've been really busy this week.  Projects and school events, etc…

I saw Bowling For Columbine yesterday.  An amazing movie.  Mike Moore did a great job, but there was too much propaganda in it for me.

                Anyway.  Reviews are always welcome.  Good or bad.  They normally get me updating more often.  Sorry for the gap.  Tell me if I should keep writing, if I should quite, if you got that theoretical new dog or if you have any suggestions for improvement.  

Also, while I know where this is going, I need random plot filler, so tell me if there's anything you want to see.

As always, hit the go button in the bottom left and feed the author.


	4. III: Changing Faces Changing Names

**Disclaimer:**          I don't own, nor do I want to own, Harry Potter.  J.K. Rowling owns them.  I've no intention of making any profit off of this, it's merely used to satisfy my desire to write and possibly to amuse you, the reader, though you can pay me if you want.  Song lyrics from The Chemicals Between Us belong to Bush.

**Warning:              **This will be R and will contain *SLASH*  You don't like it, don't read.

**Summary:             **Harry returned to Hogwarts after six years of self-exile into the Muggle World and the defeat of Voldemort.

**AN:         **Stupid school.  Have to stay at school until 8pm for three nights a week after the march break.  Therefore, I can't make promises about updates, but I will try and get _at least_ one or two a week.  Thanks for the reviews.  Here's to answer a few that won't be answered any time soon in the story:

Tiff:         The band is an independent group, meaning they don't have the notoriety of any band signed to a major record label, but as far as indie groups go, yes, they are somewhat famous, meaning they play at the better clubs, and have a loyal following among indie fans, and will probably end up being signed to some obscure indie label.

Katrina:  What ever gave you that idea?  Pretty much everything Harry remembers at the moment about that fight was mentioned in the first chapter.

Kristine Thorn:     I've got great plans for Severus' effort to discover Harry's identity. *Laughs evilly*

Lee Lee Potter:      Sorry to disappoint you, but Severus won't stay nice for much longer.  It just doesn't seem in his nature.

Lord R:   While re-reading is most likely is a good idea, if I try to pay too much attention to what I write after it's written, I'm going to end up hating it and scraping it…

TigerBlak:              … Anyone want to beta-read?

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**_Chapter III_**

Changing Faces; Changing Names 

I want you to remember  
A love so full it could send us all ways  
I want you to surrender   
All my feelings rose today  
And I want you to remain  
The power of children can amaze  
I'll try not to complain  
I know that's a pisser baby  
  
The chemicals between us   
The walls that lie between us  
Lying in this bed   
The chemicals displaced   
There is no lonlier place   
Than lying in this bed   
  
I want you to remember  
Everything you said  
Every driven word   
Like a hammer, hell, to my head  
  
The chemicals between us   
There is no lonlier place   
Then lying in this bed  
The chemicals displaced   
There is no lonlier place   
Than lying in this bed  
  
The chemicals between us  
Lying in this bed   
  
We're of the hollow men  
We are the naked ones   
We never meant you harm   
Never meant you wrong  
I'd like to thank   
All of my lovers, lovers, lovers   
  
The chemicals between us  
The army of achievers  
Lying in this bed   
The chemicals displaced   
There is no lonlier face   
Than lying in this bed  
  
The chemicals between us

_.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._

                I made my way to Dumbledore's Office, and miraculously, I managed not to get lost.  After six years away, I still remembered my way around.  That wasn't to say there weren't a few quickly righted wrong turns, but I'm male, so don't mock me too much.  I like to pride myself, somewhat, on my navigational skills.

                As I walked the halls, there was one thing that irked me.  The Headmaster hadn't introduced me to the students or the rest of the faculty for that matter.  Surely there were staff meetings before the beginning of the semester, and yet I had not been informed.  The man had requested (at point blank) that I take the position, but he had not seen fit to invite me to know the workings of the staff and school.

                I wanted to feel slighted or affronted, but for some reason, I couldn't bring myself to anger.  Despite all of my resentment towards Albus that had accumulated over the past years with the way he used people, the man _did_ know what he was doing.  He had a reason for everything, and managed to make things come out best, or close to.

                Ignoring my discomfort at the situation, I decided I would ask the man about his motives.

                When I reached his office, the Gargoyle statue had been left open, so I took it as invitation to enter…

                It was my mistake, and I was in no way prepared for what I heard: two voices arguing, one deep and fatherly, while managing not to be patronizing, the other deeper and snappish, or rather Snapish.

                "I cannot see why you hired that man Albus.  Nor do I see why you fired the last professor," came Severus' voice.  "There was nothing wrong with her.  She may not have been informed on her subject as well as could have been hoped, but she taught her students what they were required to know, and didn't injure them or put them or the school in danger!  You had no right!"

                My first reaction was surprise at Severus' outburst.  I'd only seen him like this once before, and for much better reason.  It simply wasn't right.

                My second reaction was to turn away and wait for Severus to descend the staircase.

                My third reaction was to stay and hear Albus defend himself.  Seems the cunning old man had orchestrated a lot more than I had thought.

                I've been told by many people to think my actions through, and seeing as how I didn't have much time to make a decision, I stuck with the reaction that had taken the most thought.

                Albus' voice was calm and unruffled.  I could picture him in there, stroking Fawkes' head as he spoke, the embodiment of tranquility.  "I did not fire Lazeana, my dear boy.  I merely suggested that her talents may have been best suited to teaching elsewhere."  I could then see him sitting up proudly in his seat as he said, "Besides, she had a deep interest in aiding underprivileged wizards in Africa.  I merely gave her the small push she needed to achieve her dream."

                "Shove," muttered Severus under his breath.

                The older wizard continued as though he hadn't heard the other's comment.  "I believe, my son, that you are being far too paranoid about the whole issue.  You are jumping quickly to conclusions."

                "I am not being paranoid, _Albus._"  The name was said venomously.  "I've felt it coming.  And I warned you about it last year.  I only wish you would heed my warnings."

                "You are not a spy anymore, Severus."

                "Bollocks!  I know what I see!" the dark haired man protested angrily.  

I heard him move to leave so I slid silently back down the stairs, but I heard the Headmaster's last comment.  "In spite of your misgivings, I assure you, I would trust Ethan James with my life, and have do so before.  You would do well to remember that."

There was an edge of steel to Albus' voice that I'd seldom heard.  It would have left me quivering had I been in Severus' position, but knowing the other man, he probably would have just glared at the Headmaster before storming away, black robes billowing behind him.

It seemed hard to imagine the man without the robes billowing behind him like a cape.  It seemed a trademark, much like the scowl, glare and deep black eyes.

I stood at the entrance of Dumbledore's office as Snape walked out (it didn't seem right calling him Severus anymore, seeing as how he thought I was going to bring about the downfall of Hogwarts or something equally as scandalous).  He, of course, glared at me when he saw me.

"The Headmaster would like you to go up now," he said viciously before walking away, not waiting for my reply.

I suddenly felt incredibly nervous as I went up those stairs a second time.  I remembered when I went to Hogwarts I was always nervous.  I'd only ever come to Dumbledore's office when I'd broken, or been accused of breaking, one of the school rules, and was expecting expulsion.  The fact that it had never come didn't dampen the fear, but rather increased it because I felt I was extremely lucky to have escaped each and every incident.

I had that kind of feeling right now, as well.

"Ethan," Albus called, shocking me into motion.  "Please come in."

I entered the office, and it was exactly as I remembered.

I'd been right, too.  Fawkes was sitting on his lap.

"Sit, please," he said, motioning to the chair, and I complied.  He continued speaking.  "I'm incredibly sorry that you had to hear my conversation with Severus, but I assure you his opinions are unfounded."

I stared at him incredulously.   He knew I'd been spying on him, listening to his private conversations, and yet he didn't get angry.  Instead he apologized!  He didn't seem disturbed in the slightest.  Had he been anyone other that Dumbledore, I would have questioned his sanity, but it _was_ Dumbledore, and that was just the way his mind worked.

"I'm sorry for intruding," I replied instead of questioning him.  "I had no right to listen into your private conversations."

"Nonsense!" the white-haired wizard exclaimed.  "We were speaking of you, and, in fact, that was the very mater I wished to speak to you about."

"Sir?"  I was confused.  Completely and utterly confused.  This was not what I'd been expecting.

"People are still tense, even after Voldemort's defeat.  They will not readily accept strangers into their midst.  Seeing as how no one knows you to be a Hogwarts student, they will not willingly trust you as of yet."

I tried to comment, but he didn't give me the chance.

"I'm sure you're wondering why you were not introduced to the staff, and why you were not invited to the staff meetings."  _Right on the mark as usual, Albus._  "It is because of the general mistrust.   Most of the positions have been filled by people well known to each other.  I felt it would be best for you to absent until you are acquainted with your peers."

"How very wise of you," I mumbled.  "Now, if that is all?"

Turning to leave, I stopped when Albus called me.

"Ethan.  I know you suffered greatly for the burdens placed upon you by this world, and I understand how you feel.  I understand you desire to leave your past behind, but remember, it _is_ what made you.  We used you unfairly, and I regret it deeply, but there as nothing I could do.  Will you accept my sincerest apologies?"

I didn't turn around to face him, knowing I wouldn't be able to control myself.  I wasn't sure if I wanted to break down and cry on his shoulder or wring his neck.

"You may have a point about the past making me, but it doesn't control my future.  Also, I am not that person from six or even seven years ago, so you have no need to apologize to me.  You should have apologized to him."  My fists were clenched at my sides, and I was sure my knuckles were going white.

If I'd turned around, I would have been able to see Dumbledore hang his head, as if to say, 'I tried.'

"You're wrong, my dear boy.  For now your past controls everything."

I ignored the comment, though it struck more cords than I would have thought possible.

"Good night, Professor," I said.

"Good night, Ethan."  I cringed inwardly.  His voice sounded so tired.  He'd tried his best to reconcile with me, but I wasn't ready; wasn't sure when I was going to be ready; wasn't sure if I wanted to be ready.

That and the fact that the weariness could very well have been an act.  Dumbledore was good at that.

_.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._

                I wasn't sure where the house elves had taken my belongings, nor was I sure where my room was, so I made my way to the kitchen, tickled the pear, and went in.  The house elves jumped when I entered, some hiding, though I could see their pointed ears which poked above the tables.  Several merely stood there, eyes wide, their potato sack clothing hanging from their thin bodies.  Then one, brightly dressed one stepped forward and spoke. 

                "Master James!  Sir!  Will you be needing anything?"

                I smiled down at the familiar face.

                "You're Dobby, aren't you?"  He seemed so shocked when I said his name.  "I was wondering if you could lead me to my trunks.  I seem to be unaware of where my rooms are."

                He nodded fervently.  "Right this way, Master James!"

                I followed him as he talked happily about Hogwarts and his collection of socks.  I remembered clearly how he'd been freed, accidentally receiving my sock from Lucius Malfoy.  He was dressed as brightly now as he ever was, and it made me smile.

                We stopped at the door to a room just above the dungeons.  Dobby informed me that I could change the password anytime I wanted.  I thanked him and asked him to wait outside for me while I enlarged my bags and retrieved two pairs of colourful socks I'd gotten for my birthday as a gag gift.

                I presented them to him and his eyes went wide as saucers.  He smiled, and forgetting proper behaviour, he hugged me and I returned it.

                "You are a great man, Master James.  You remind me of Harry Potter.  Did you ever hear of him?  He was a great man too.  Very great."

                I shook my head slightly, I'd helped him become free, but I was in no way great.

                "If I every see a man as great as him, I'll be sure to send him your regards."

                "Really?" Dobby replied excitedly.

                "Yes," I replied, smiling wearily.

                I moved to go into my room, but Dobby spoke one last time.  "If you have need of anything, Master James, anything at all, you tell Dobby, and he'll get it for you."

                "Yes Dobby, and thank you."

                He disappeared with a pop, and then I entered the room.

                I was suddenly so exhausted that I didn't even bother to look around the room before brushing the things off of the double bed, knocking them haphazardly to the floor before crawling underneath the covers.  I was asleep within an instant, and I had, for the first time since accepting this job, a pleasant, dreamless sleep.

_.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._

**AN:         **Wow… I really hate that chapter, but it's 1:22am right now so I'm going to post it anyway and blame it on lack of sleep.  Blame everything on lack of sleep for that matter.

                Anyway.  Reviews are always welcome.  Good or bad.  They normally get me updating more often.  Tell me if I should keep writing, if I should quit, if you got that theoretical new dog or if you have any suggestions for improvement.  

Also, while I know where this is going, I need random plot filler, so tell me if there's anything you want to see.  Really would like to know what kind of things you'd like to see.  

Another question.  What do you think of the songs at the beginning of each chapter?  Keep it or chuck it?  If you want me to keep it, you can suggest songs to put there.  I just like the lyrics to have a little bit of relevance to the chapters, but, yeah, suggest songs please!  (remember I'm sleep deprived right now.)

As always, hit the go button in the bottom left and feed the author.


	5. IV: Alone in Lies

**Disclaimer:**          I don't own, nor do I want to own, the characters in Harry Potter. J.K. Rowling owns  them. I've no intention of making any profit off of this, it's merely used to satisfy my desire to write and possibly to amuse you, the reader, though you can pay me if you so desire for completely unrelated reasons. Lyrics to Alone in the Universe belong to David Usher.   
**Warning:              ** This will be R and will contain *SLASH* You don't like it, don't read.   
**Summary:**             Harry returned to Hogwarts after six years of self-imposed exile into the Muggle World and the defeat of Voldemort.   
**AN:**                         I hate family get togethers… Don't you love the positive way I start of my authors notes? I hate school, money and my stepfather's family. Wonderful revelations. I'll try to be more positive now. 

Thanks so much for everyone who reviewd. I can't believe I'm getting this many reviews. Seventy-four reviews for an idea that came out of song lyrics, metamorphisized into the desire to have a one eyed Harry in a band, and then suddenly developed a whole plot. 

Now for obligatory but fun response to reviews:   
**Ntmara**:                 No one recognizes him because it's been six years since anyone last saw him. He has long hair, one eye, no scar (which everyone knows him by), and he's now full sized. Also, people tend not to see what they're not expecting to.   
**Poola:** Mmm…   
**Lee Lee Potter**: No, you noticed it too. I must have been extremely brain-dead in writing the past few chapters. Don't worry though, instead of going back and fixing it which would take a lot of effort, I've managed to find a method of explaining it away in this chapter.   
**Katrina:** I'm way ahead of you.   
                

Thanks to everyone who gave me possible songs, as well as to those who offered to beta-read for me, and a special thanks to Diagonalist, who's betaed the first chapters and will hopefully continue to do so.   
  
  
  
_.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._   
  
  
**Chapter IV ****  
  
Alone In Lies**   
  
  
Jamie's on the bathroom floor she don't know why   
She's shaking underneath the sink can't feel a thing   
She'd love to live a life she's afraid of failure   
With all the voices in her head   
Now what was that I thought I hear you scream   
  
I know you can feel it   
You're already there   
Asleep underwater   
Just screaming for air   
I know you can feel it   
You're already...   
  
Don't you know we're freaks and creature   
Wake up I can almost see the light   
I think we're alone here you and I   
I think we're alone left wondering why   
I think we're alone here you and I   
I think we're alone in the universe tonight   
  
Alex on the last train home from god knows where   
A million miles away from where he thought he'd be   
He's got his suit his tie his drink his MTV   
He's trading all his life away   
You can't escape we're all infected now   
  
I know you can feel it   
You're already there   
Asleep underwater   
Just screaming for air   
I know you can feel it   
You're already   
Don't you know we're freaks and creatures   
Wake up I can almost see the light   
  
I think we're alone here you and I   
I think we're alone in the universe tonight   
  
We're all infected now   
I know you can feel it   
You're already there   
Asleep underwater   
Just screaming for air   
I know you can feel it   
You're already...   
  
Don't you know we're freaks and creatures   
Wake up I can almost see the light   
  
I think we're alone here you and I   
I think we're alone left wondering why   
I think we're alone here you and I   
I think we're alone in the universe tonight   
  
_.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._   
  
  
                There was something warm and definitely furry resting against my head when I awoke at some ungodly hour before dawn. Moving slowly so that to not waken said mysterious furry thing, I sat up to get a look at it.   
                Lying on my pillow was a rather small, and, coincidently, furry, Himalayan cat. It woke and tilted its head up and stared at me with the most brilliant blue eyes I'd ever seen. It had the oddest look to it. It was almost as if its posture was trying to say, "How dare you wake me up this early. Lie down and give me back my pillow."   
                I shook my head a little and chuckled. Reaching out, a scratched the kitten behind one ear and smiled as it purred. Then I stood and stretched, drawing my arms above my head and standing on my tiptoes. My back cracked a little as I did this, and I winced. I sounded like I was getting old, and I was only twenty-four. I couldn't imagine what I'd sound like when I was in my forties.   
                I looked behind me and saw the cat staring at me intently. If I hadn't known better, I would have said the cat was laughing at me. It had the same mannerisms as my Godfather did when found something amusing in his animagus form.   
                "Stupid cat," I muttered, "I am not old."   
                It yawned and then stretched, looking bored. "Sure, whatever you say," it seemed to answer.   
                I shook my head to rid it of sleep-clouded insanity. My friends really were right. I was crazy. I was standing in my room at who knows what hour in the morning, thinking a cat was talking to me.   
                I knew it! I was going senile!   
                …But wait… that was something to do with old age, and I was not getting old. Damn it! The cat was driving me crazy.   
                Pointedly ignoring the cat, I began to survey my room. I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep any time soon, so I decided to make use of the time I was stuck with. Behind me I heard the cat jump off the bed and move to join me. It came over and began to rub its sides against my legs. I bent down to pet it again and then moved back to the bed.   
                The bedroom itself was fairly bare. There were no decorations on the walls, the sheets and comforter on the bed were a neutral white, and the room was a rather non-descript hard wood. The bed was a regular double bed with a comfortable mattress, and there was a desk in the corner. It basically looked like room no one had lived in. It was clean, meaning the house elves had still taken care of it, but no one had put their own little mark on it.   
              Made sense, considering I had just moved in.   
                I decided to remedy that, however.   
                I stood up once more and moved to my trunks, which had been pushed indiscriminately to the middle of the room. I got to my clothes trunk first and started to dump everything onto my bed. Out came the many pairs of dark leather pants and tight shirts.   
                I don't know why, but I liked wearing those clothes. I'd started out wearing casual clothing, but my roommate, Kestor, managed to force me into them for gigs after learning I could play the drums and offering me a place in a band.   
                "No alt. rock drummer is going to be wearing patchwork jeans or oversized sweaters!" he'd said when he'd looked in my closet on night. "Tomorrow, after work, I'm dragging you downtown to get some decent clothing. It looks like you've been living in someone else's hand-me-downs. I would be embarrassed to be seen with you!"   
                Kestor had taken me all over town, just as he'd promised, and I'd ended up with leather pants and tight shirts. As uncomfortable as they'd been when I first got them, I'd grown used to them, and they'd become like a second skin.   
                I grabbed a handful of hangers and hung up the pants and shirts so that they wouldn't get wrinkled, and then delved into my trunk again. Now came the more comfortable casual wear; jeans, t-shirts and other sweaters. I threw a bunch of the t-shirts into the chest-of-drawers and hung up the rest in the closet.   
                Then there were the robes tucked safely under all of my clothes, so that my friends, who were snoops by nature, but extremely lazy, would not find them. I hung those up, but left one out to wear for my lessons later that day. I'd briefly considered wearing the one I had on now, but passing out on a bed in it had left it looking slightly worse for wear.   
                To put away the rest of my belongings, I had to explore the remainder of my rooms. There was a small washroom off the bedroom, but I found it a little disconcerting, because everything in it was white; the walls, the tile floor, the shower and tub, the sink, the toilet. It was completely stark white.   
                A quick charm worked wonders, making the washroom various shades of green. I knew they were Slytherin colours, but they were also my favourite colours, and they made me feel much more at ease.   
                I put away all of my toiletries and cosmetics and then moved on to the other rooms.   
                I'd obviously missed them when I'd walked through them the past night. Albus' words had shaken me up somewhat, and I was exhausted, so I had my excuses.   
                These rooms were much nicer than my bedroom. There was a small kitchen complete with stove, sink, cupboards and icebox; all of them spelled to work much like muggle appliances. Albus must have ordered someone to bring them in for me, assuming correctly that I would be more comfortable with them than with their wizard equivalences, at least for the time being.   
                Also in the kitchen was a large, dark, oak table surrounded by six elaborately carved, high backed chairs. It was beautiful, but also a rather cruel, if unintentional joke. At the rate things were going, if Dumbledore's assessment of the staff's sentiments towards me was correct, I wouldn't have enough people willing to talk to me to sit around that table.   
                Finally, attached to the kitchen was the living room. There was a tall, almost ceiling-high maple bookshelf against one wall, two couches and a small coffee table facing a symmetrical stone fireplace. The stonemason who had created it had done an amazing job. It had to be the most beautiful thing in my rooms…   
                That was until I saw the view I had outside. My rooms looked right out on the lake. The many trees and other plants growing outside were breathtaking. I was sure it would look amazing in the winter as well.   
                I had at least one thing to be thankful for in accepting this job. I never would have seen something like this in London.   
                I went back to my trunks and grabbed all of my books and music and small decorations and started to fill up the bookshelf, making the room seem a little more lived in. I decided spontaneously that if the teachers didn't hate me too much I would ask Professor Sprout if she would mind giving me a few plants to grow in my room. I'd never thought much of herbology, or botany in the Muggle world, but I did enjoy looking at plants, and growing them. They would do nice to fill the empty spaces in the bookshelf.   
                Finally, I went back to my trunks to put away the random miscellaneous things that didn't really fit anywhere, when I saw the small shoebox at the bottom of one of them. It was sealed with packing tap, so it took me a little effort to get it open, but inside was a letter from my friends and a small care-package filled with all of my favourite non-perishable foods.   
                There were Mars-bars, a can of soda, a small box of Ritz crackers, and a lot of bubble gum. I laughed a little. My friends weren't the most thoughtful people, and they rarely planned ahead for anything. That they'd managed to sneak that box into the bottom of my luggage was amazing.   
                I put the box on the kitchen counter, but didn't read the letter. I knew it was only going to make me feel guilty. I'd lied to my friends about where I was going. I'd told them I was going to a small town that I knew was somewhere near Hogwarts. I'd even gone so far as to buy an apartment there.   
                I was living a lie in two worlds, and I didn't need to be reminded of it.   
                I slumped against the counter, feeling suddenly horrible and sick with myself, even though I knew there was nothing I could do about it. I couldn't tell my friends because either they wouldn't believe me, or they'd tell the rest of the world and I couldn't betray the wizarding world like that. I couldn't reveal myself to the wizarding world because there would be no way for me to leave afterwards.   
                I was positive I was going to end up doing something as foolish as start crying, but then I suddenly felt something rubbing up against my legs again.   
                It was that stupid cat!   
                I chuckled lightly but it came out more as a choked sound. I didn't care. I bent down and picked it up and nuzzled it slightly. It purred again.   
                I felt better.   
                The cat didn't have a collar, so I didn't know it's name, but it was male. I was going to bring it up the Great Hall for breakfast to see if it belonged to anyone.   
                It sat on my lap for some time while I fooled around with the couch, trying to transfigure it into the same style as the rather comfortable leather couch Kestor and I had in the apartment. So what if I had a thing for leather. It was perfectly normal. Besides, I was in desperate need of practicing larger spells, and with getting acquainted to my new wand.   
                It was a rather nice wand, twelve inches, made of cherry this time, sturdy. It had dragons scale, and oddly, a feather from Fawkes. It had been quite a surprise when I'd been informed of that. It was reassuring though, because my wand was somewhat like the one I had lost.   
                The one thing I had so say about performing wandless magic was that, while much easier to do, it didn't feel as – "clean," maybe. I believe one of the functions of a wand is to filter the magic a wizard or witch uses. I have no way of testing my theory, however. I'd never heard of wandless magic before in school, so I didn't know any wizards I could talk to about it.   
                I started to dose off and daydream on the couch after I'd managed to turn it into a nice leather one, but I was wide awake when the cat started mewling at me. The sun was out so I checked the old-fashioned watch Remus had given to me one Christmas, because the one I had had broken, and the only other watches I could find were digital and shot to hell within a mile of Hogwarts wards.   
                It was nearly seven o'clock. Realizing I didn't have much longer I picked the cat off my lap and ran to the shower. Once clean, I dressed, gathered my books and texts into a bag and slung it over my shoulder. It was quarter to eight by then. I left the room, and the cat followed me.   
                I smiled, yet again. The cat seemed to have a way of lifting my spirits.   
                I made it with plenty of time to the Great Hall and took a seat next to Professor Sprout. She seemed somewhat shocked, but I smiled at her and asked her how the maenadons were doing. I remembered her talking about them at the welcoming feast. They were a type incredibly strong, but impossible to control, vine. They were useful in potions and in making ladders, if I remembered correctly.   
                This led to an interesting discussion of how to grow various plants, and I told her my theories, which led to her offering me several pots of plants to grow and test my theories on, which was exactly what I was planning.   
                We were about to go into another debate when the cat, who had until then been sitting on the floor, jumped up onto my lap, nearly making me spill my cup of coffee.   
                Dumbledore also stood up then.   
                I looked around and saw the Great hall was filled with students.   
                I noticed three new faces I hadn't seen the night before sitting on the other side of the Headmaster as I.   
                Ron, Hermionie, and Charlie.   
"I'd like to make a few announcements and introduce a few new teachers. They were unable to make it last night, which is why we postponed the introductions until this morning."   
Oh, I thought stupidly.   
The cat meowed in my lap, and I was positive it was saying, "Bright remark there, Bozo."   
  
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**AN**:         Grumbles…  Stupid computer… I've been having major formatting problems on this chapter… it isn't co-operating.

I hope to get one more chapter up in the next week, and then I'm being dragged away from march break. No computer, so not updates for a week.   
                Give me feedback. If you think it's worth continuing, tell me. If it should be scrapped, tell me. If you got a new puppy and want to brag about it, tell me. If you have random pointless plot ideas, I'd love to know.   
                Also, if you have any questions you want answered, e-mail me. I do check my e-mail often, and there's a much better chance I'll get back to you.   
                **REVIEW!** Use the little box at the bottom left. Feed the author *Nods enthusiastically.* You know you want to.


	6. V: Lemon Drops

**Chapter V ****  
Lemon Drop?   
**  
                Part one because of a lazy (hugely lazy, massively lazy, lazy beyond desciption *this added by beta, sorry, but it had to be said*), yet equally busy author.   
  
  


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                I wasn't quite sure what to think when I first saw the three of them. Charlie aged much since last I'd seen him. He'd been so wrapped up in his study of dragons, however, that I was simply surprised to see him at Hogwarts.   
                Ron, also, wasn't much different from how I remembered him. He was filled out a little in six years, and his hair was shorter, but other that that, he looked the same. Once more, however, I was surprised to see him at Hogwarts. I would have assumed he would play Quidditch for the Cannons or working for the Ministry.   
                None of these surprises compared in any way to the shock I received from Hermionie. I'd expected her to be at Hogwarts. Somehow teaching didn't seem to far a leap from having her nose buried in books for over seven years.   
                What shocked me about her was her appearance. She certainly had changed over the last few years. Much like at the Yule Ball in my fourth year, her hair was no longer bushy but smooth and cut short so that it nicely framed her face.   
                She also wore glasses now, no doubt from squinting in the dark to read.   
                The most remarkable change, however, was her figure. Where years of neglect towards her appearance during school, and then simply the lack of time during the last year of the war, had left her seemingly boyish, the past six years had been extremely kind.   
                She too had filled out, though in much more aesthetic ways, and I might have been inclined to call her striking, had I swung that way. As it was, I could admit to her beauty, because of her more rounded figure, and clean look, but I'd be less adverse to admire someone of Severus' appearance…   
                …And you didn't hear me just say that. That thought came out of nowhere, and I was in no way attracted to the older man.   
                I swear I felt that damn Himalayan can snickering in my lap.   
I stoked his head idly as I waited briefly for Dumbledore to make his announcements and introductions.   
                "I'd first like to introduce to you two new teachers," Dumbledore began. "Since our former Care of Magical Creatures Professor has decided to return to the occupation of Games Keeper in order to better tend to the Forbidden Forest, Charles Weasley has agreed to come from Romania in order to take over the class.   
                "Also, due to Mme. Hooch's retirement, Ronald Weasley will be teaching broom flight as well as taking over the Quidditch program here.   
                "I'd like you to welcome them both."   
                The Great Hall burst into applause but I could see a few students shaking their heads. How were they going to keep two Professor Weasley's straight?   
                "The second announcement I would like to make is somewhat connected to the first," Dumbledore continued once the applause had quieted down. "I would like to reintroduce you to your Professor of Muggle Studies, now Mrs. Ronald Weasley, for they were married over the summer."   
                Once more, the Great hall became filled with applause and congratulations, along with the faint sound of confusion at keeping all three Weasley Professors straight. Under that, however, I could almost hear Snape muttering something along the lines of, "Oh no, not another generation. Has I looked over I would have been able to see him shaking his head slightly in dismay.   
                I, on the other hand, was barely able to contain my shock. All of my control was concentrated on not letting my jaw drop. I'd know Ron had fancied Hermionie, because he'd told me during fifth year, but the idea of Hermionie being wedded to anything other than her books or studies was nearly inconceivable.   
                My bafflement was cut short, however, when Dumbledore made his last announcement. "Finally, I would like to introduce our new Professor of the Defence Against the Dark Arts, seeing as how Miss Lazeana is now teaching in Africa, Professor Ethan James."   
                My applause wasn't nearly as grand as that for the Weasley family. Understandable, given that the Weasley family was actually rather well known. Once Voldemort had sent his Death Eaters on raids, Cornelius Fudge had been thrown out of office. Even then, he had still defended that it wasn't Voldemort risen again, but rather a group of nut wizards trying to instil fear in the general wizarding populace, and they would be dealt with sooner.   
                I personally think it was a mixture of both, but the former was definitely more important, and Fudge had merely turned a blind eye. It was clear the man was incompetent, and the people wouldn't stand for it. If his peers hadn't removed him, I think we would have had a riot on our hands in addition to the Dark Lord.   
                There were times when I began to wonder whether the man was just incompetent or simply brilliant, because there were more deaths during my fifth year while he reigned than in the next three combined…   
                …and that made for a lot of spilt blood…   
                I shuddered to think of how many more meaningless deaths there would have been if he hadn't been removed; one side fighting amongst each other when they both desired the exact same thing.   
                …But I have a habit of digressing.   
                After Fudge was removed Arthur Weasley was installed in the position of the Head of the Ministry of Magic, and the Weasley family, through being related to Arthur and knowing me, had played a key roll in ending the war.   
                After Albus Dumbledore and Sirius Black, the Weasleys were the most known heroes of the war. Lupin was also well known, but not as celebrated, for, despite Albus and Arthur's open acceptance of werewolves, the people were still uneasy. Severus wasn't a hero at all, merely for a bad choice in his youth. Inspite of being a spy and providing key information to the Order, the people couldn't see past him once being a Death Eater.   
                As for why I didn't list myself in there. Harry Potter was viewed as a martyr. He'd either died or been grotesquely injured in the last battle, which was why no one had seen him.   
I'd laughed when I'd heard THAT in the Leaky Cauldron. Neither assumption was correct, but the latter was closer to the truth. My missing eye was grotesque. It didn't mean I was ashamed by it. Ashamed by what it meant, yes, but by it, never.   
                I turned by thoughts back to Albus when the applause died down. The older wizard was still standing, and he spoke once again.   
                "Now that introductions are out of the way, I'm sure you're eager to get to class." There was a collective groan that echoed through the Great Hall. "Enjoy your first day back to school."   
                I had to smile at that. Even if Albus was a manipulative bastard, he had a way of appearing completely innocent of any type of provocation.   
                The cat meowed in my lap… yet again.   
                'Want a lemon drop?' I could almost hear it saying in Albus' grandfatherly voice, just after you'd been summoned to his office for doing something worth expulsion.   
                It definitely was amusing.   
  
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**AN:** Oh, God, I am one cheap bastard. I'm incredibly sorry it took me this long to update and I'm terribly sorry that this chapter is pathetically short. I have excuses if you want to hear them?   
  
                March break started, so before that, I had a s*** load of tests and assignments to do before. That was entirely not my fault. Also, Thursday was my last day at school, I went for a test, went home sick part way through the day, went to bed and didn't wake up until Friday afternoon, where I woke up, tried to eat, nearly threw up, and then went to sleep again and didn't wake up until about noon today. It was the evil flu from Hell. Again, not my fault.   
  
                I have to go on a "family vacation," so I won't be able to type up any more, but I fully intend to add another 1000 words or so to the chapter, and post another chapter before I got back to school. I will work on it while I'm away, completely computer-less. I type faster than I write, so pity me and forgive me.   
  
                If you do forgive me, and feel inclined to submit a review in favour of my story, press "go." If you despise me and wish to tell me the extent of your loathing, also press "go."


	7. VI: Challange

**Disclaimer:          **I don't own, nor do I want to own, the characters in Harry Potter. J.K. Rowling owns them. I've no intention of making any profit off of this, it's merely used to satisfy my desire to write and possibly to amuse you, the reader, though you can pay me if you so desire for completely unrelated reasons. The lyrics to Art of Losing belong to American Hi-Fi.  
**Warning:              **This will be R and will contain *SLASH* You don't like it, don't read.   
**Summary:**             Harry returned to Hogwarts after six years of self-imposed exile into the Muggle World and the defeat of Voldemort.   
**AN:**                         Got back from Vermont last night. Trip was interesting, and I learned valuable lessons.   
                1.             I am horrible at snowboarding and should not get off the bunny hills.   
                2.             Family vacations are a very cruel joke.   
                3.             Do not, under any circumstances wear oversized silk panties overtop ski pants. My cousin's friends did, and it was the most hideous thing I've ever seen.   
  
                Thanks to everyone who reviewed and to everyone who forgave me for the pathetically short chapter. I don't have anything that really needs to be addressed   
                Special thanks to Diagonalist, again, for beta-ing everything and for nagging me into writing.   
                Even specialler thanks to Agnei Smith for being the 100th reviewer.   
  
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**Chapter VI**   
Challenges   
  
Last call now I'm outta time   
And I don't got no valentine   
Singled out, now I stand alone   
The underdog in a modern world   
Suburbia is hot tonight   
But nothing seems to feel alright   
I don't want your sympathy   
I just need a little therapy   
At least that's what they say to me   
  
Hey ho let's go   
I'm gonna start a riot   
You don't wanna fight it   
One two fuck you   
Don't tell me what to do   
I don't wanna be like you   
Can't you see it's killing me   
I'm my own worst enemy   
Knock me down I'll keep on moving   
It's the art of losing   
  
Fit the mold and do what you're told   
Get a job and start growing old   
9 to 5 can make your dreams come true   
But I don't wanna be like you   
I'm not cool and I'll never be   
I break the rules and I guarantee   
I don't want your sympathy   
I just need a little therapy   
At least that's what they say to me   
  
Hey ho let's go   
I'm gonna start a riot   
You don't wanna fight it   
One two fuck you   
Don't tell me what to do   
I don't wanna be like you   
Can't you see it's killing me   
I'm my own worst enemy   
Knock me down I'll keep on moving   
It's the art of losing   
  
You call me a loser   
Say I'm just a user   
But I'll just keep on moving   
Cause that's the art of losing   
  
Hey ho let's go   
I'm gonna start a riot   
You don't wanna fight it   
One two fuck you   
Don't tell me what to do   
I don't wanna be like you   
Can't you see it's killing me   
I'm my own worst enemy   
Knock me down I'll keep on moving   
It's the art of losing   
  
Wahhhooo (It's the art of losing)   
Wahhhooo (It's the art of losing)   
  
We're the kids   
We're the kids   
We're the kids in America   
We're the kids   
We're the kids   
We're the kids in America   
  
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                My first day of teaching was going to be uneventful. I had a plan. I'd been prepared for all of my classes. I actually knew what I was doing.   
                Well, not really.   
                I was completely winging it.   
                The only experience I had with children was with those from the younger grades. I was not a kid person. I'd never babysat for anyone, and I'd never had a younger sibling. Also, I'd never had to tutor the younger students in anything. They'd had Hermionie to do that.   
                I was entirely out of my league for this.   
                Well, not entirely. Overall, I had a curriculum. I knew what each year was supposed to learn, as well as what they were supposed to know for the year they were in. I also knew, however, that teachers rarely taught what they were supposed to. I can give you three perfectly good examples.   
                One: in my second year, Lockheart, more concerned with publicity than his class, didn't teach us anything.   
                Two: in my fourth year, Crouch impersonating Mad Eye Moody, taught us about the three unforgivables and actually cast one of them on us so that we could learn to break free of it in an effort to make himself a more believable Moody.   
                Three: in my sixth year, Evangil, too afraid to even speak of the Dark Arts, once again, doesn't teach us anything. Instead we have to read it out of the texts. Hermionie was happy. That was the year I received extra lessons from Snape.   
                As for myself, I was going to follow along, somewhat, with the plan, but I felt I should add my own personal touch to it, much like Remus had. Adding personal experience and such to the lessons…   
                Who was I kidding? I'd be lucky if I could even "present" the information, let alone teach it. What had Albus been thinking? Sure I could perform the curses and counter-curses, but…   
                This was different!   
                I was really beginning to hate that cat now. It was sitting on my desk laughing at me again; my own personal ego destroyer. Fun!   
                My very first class was a third year Ravenclaw class. They entered, chatting amongst themselves, not paying any attention to me. I was grateful for this. I'd managed to get the cat off of my desk, and it walked out of the room. I prayed it wouldn't come back, because if it did, I wouldn't be responsible for it getting locked in a drawer.   
                Once I felt everyone was in the room, I walked to the back and closed the door. As I did so the conversation quickly died down until there was one person left talking, and once she realized she was alone, she to ceased babbling.   
                I moved back to the front of the room and turned to face them. They were all looking at me expectantly.   
                "Welcome to third-year Defence Against the Dark Arts. I hope you haven't forgotten, but in case you have, my name is Ethan James. Being in third year, I trust you know what you're here for." There were a few week grins, though I didn't know why. My comment wasn't funny. It was a pitiful attempt at an icebreaker. I continued anyway. "Seeing as how your previous teacher is now in Africa, I didn't have a chance to talk to her, so I don't know what you've covered. That's why I'm going to have you guys write a diagnostic test."   
                A collective groan rang through the classroom, echoing along the walls.   
                "Don't worry," I said in reassurance. "The test doesn't count towards anything, and it should only take you around half an hour. It's just for me to know what we have to cover this year. After this you can have free time."   
                Several faces brightened at this.   
                I handed out the tests I'd written up in the last two weeks before the school year and returned to my desk. I almost sat on the cat. It had somehow returned to the classroom and taken residence on my chair. I really needed to find out who the cat belonged to, or at least give it a name. At least that way if I were to curse it six ways from Sunday I'd have a name to shout it at.   
                Picking up the cat, I put it down on the floor once again, I sat in the chair, and stared at the desk. It was so boring. There was nothing on it. All of the drawers were empty. Those could be filled easily enough with parchment, quills, ink, and what ever I confiscated from the students over the year, but for the top, I was going to need more than just textbooks to decorate it.   
                I absently began drumming on the desk with my wand, and unconscious habit I'd developed since I'd started to play, as I began thinking of ways to flatter Professor Sprout into giving me some more plants…   
                Before I knew it, students began turning in their tests. I began looking over them while I waited. Overall, it wasn't as bad as I'd expected. Snape had been right about the previous professor when he'd said she'd been a decent teacher, even if she didn't know the subject matter too well. I wouldn't have to cover too much old material before they were up to date with what they'd need to know.   
                Once the students were all finished, they sat silently at their tables, as if waiting for me to give them some other work to do. Lucky for them I hadn't planned anything.   
                I looked up at them and smiled. "I meant what I said. You can do what you want for the next half hour. I won't give you any work."   
                The looked at each other and then me incredulously, before hesitantly beginning to talk amongst themselves once more. I smiled more widely when they began discussing their next class, Double Potions with Slytherin. Now that sounded familiar. They spoke of how much they hated it. I didn't blame them there either. I'd hated that class for most of my school years too. It wasn't until I'd gotten to know the smarmy bastard that I'd started to take an interest in it.   
                  
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                My first problems didn't arise until the Monday of the next week.   
                Classes at Hogwarts began oddly, because they didn't start until the second of September, at the earliest. This proved even odder if the second of September happened to fall on a weekend. It didn't this year, but it proved odd none the less.   
                My first classes of sixth and seventh years didn't start until the second week of school because of this odd policy.   
                I passed out the diagnostic test and when the students were finished I learned that they needed a little more work than the younger students. It seemed that the previous professor wasn't as comfortable in teaching the more difficult material.   
                My second class of seventh years, who happened to be Slytherin, were the most talkative afterwards, once they learned I really wasn't going to make them do any work. They started talking amongst themselves, as I would have guessed, and I began idly drumming on my desk, waiting for the end of the period. This free time was as much for their benefit as it was for mine.   
                I was pulled out of my idleness when one of the students addressed me.   
                "Professor James," a tall, dark haired student began, looking, for a brief moment, incredibly like Draco Malfoy, not in appearance, but in posture and attitude. I would have bet any money that this student was the richest of them all, with the most influential parents. In other words, he was this year's Draco Malfoy. "As you might have guessed, our class is some what behind, through no fault of our own. I believe that can be attributed to poor teaching. I was wondering if we will receive better instruction this year."   
                I paused for a moment, deciding to play dumb. "I'm not quite sure what your asking, Mr…?"   
                "Palains," he replied. "I was just asking if you have the experience and qualifications to teach us what we need to know?"   
                I laughed inwardly at this. Like any teacher would admit to being under qualified. I looked directly into the young man's eyes and held his gaze. He was going to know I was his superior in this class and that he should respect that. I, however, kept my tone jovial when I spoke. "I wouldn't say I have an astounding record in teaching, but my experience in this subject is quite adequate."   
                The boy, Laurence Palains I noted from the class list, nodded thoughtfully and turned back to his peers.   
                  
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                My next problem was rather different.   
                It was the sixth-year Slytherins that created the interesting dilemma, this time.   
                They took the test, and I reconfirmed what I'd already assumed from previous classes. They still needed a little review, and then all would be fine.   
                During their free time, another student addressed me while I was preoccupied with thoughts of band practice. I hadn't had much time to play my drums or teach myself a little about the guitar, but I had managed to clear a space in the living room for the drum kit. I was looking forward to the next weekend where I'd hopefully have time to play them.   
                "Professor James," came the timid voice of a blond haired girl who looked like a blood-relative to the Malfoy family.   
                "Yes?" I answered, urging her to go on.   
                "We were, I mean my friends and I," she began, gesturing to her companions, "were just wondering how you lost your eye."   
                Just wondering my ass… Slytherins always have motives behind their actions.   
                "I lost it in a duel when my wand snapped," I said truthfully.   
                "Must have been a cheap wand," a student muttered disdainfully.   
                "Our teacher can't even win a duel," another said in the opposite corner.   
                "Actually," I corrected, "I won the duel."   
                There! Let them puzzle over that for a moment.   
                The class was silent for a while, before someone else asked me a personal question, this was beginning to look like a game of question and answer with me in the spot light. It didn't matter though. I'd known it would have to happen at one point or another.   
                "So," the student began, "Are you a pureblood, or were your parents Muggles?"   
                "Both of my parents were wizards, if that's what you're wondering." I was still being truthful.   
                "What house were you in?" another asked.   
                "I didn't attend Hogwarts." My first lie of the day… sort of. Holy Merlin this was beginning to look like a Nazi interrogation.   
                "In case you want to know more about me, I'm twenty six," another lie, but I felt that if I they thought I was any younger they wouldn't respect me. "I lived in the Muggle world and I play for a band there."   
                This produced a string of unplanned questions from the Muggleborn of the class about what type of music I played, what instrument, where I lived and several other things along those lines.   
                Finally, near the end of the class, one of the students asked, "Do you have much experience in duelling, because Professor Snape said you were an incompetent lout and shouldn't have been given this position…"   
                The poor boy trailed off, receiving a series of glares from his fellow classmates. Poor boy had said more than he should have, and he knew it.   
                "Did he now?" I replied, my interest piqued. It was one thing for him to privately hate me, even if I didn't like that idea. I liked Snape, and it somewhat hurt that he despised me without meeting me, but it was just what he was like. It was a completely different thing if he began badmouthing me to his House. It was important for a teacher to have his pupils' respect. That couldn't happen if the other teachers didn't respect him.   
                "You may leave now. I have some other business to attend to."   
                The students looked at each other, and then at me as I stormed out the door. I was going to give Severus Snape a piece of my mind.   
                I reach the dungeons just before classes were supposed to be let out, unaware I had a group of students trailing behind me, eager to see what a spontaneous comment had provoked.   
                I forced my way through the students leaving the potions class.   
                I didn't even wait for the students to leave, enraged at what the older wizard had said.   
                "Do you enjoy insulting people behind their backs, Snape?" I asked venomously. "Are you too much of a coward to say it to my face?"   
                The students in the classroom stopped, occasionally shifting to make room for the Slytherins entering the room to watch.   
                "I wasn't insulting anyone," Snape replied calmly, as I would have known he would, had I been thinking straight. "I was merely stating the truth."   
                I don't know what I was thinking when I said what I did, completely incensed at the older professor's stupidity. And to think I respected him!   
                "Prove it," I replied as coldly as could.   
                The students behind me gasped, and even Severus looked a little ruffled.   
                I would have been, too. It wasn't everyday somewhat challenged that slimy git to a duel.   
   
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** AN:** Wow. That was a lot of fun. I actually enjoyed writing that chapter quite a bit. Not that I don't enjoy writing the other chapters, but this was a lot of fun. You might have found it boring, but it was fun to write. Next chapter has the potential to be a lot more so.   
                 Next chapter. Duel between Severus and Harry. How couldn't that be fun?   
                Give me feedback. If you think it's worth continuing, tell me. If it should be scrapped, tell me. If you got a new puppy and want to brag about it, tell me. If you have random pointless plot ideas, I'd love to know.   
Also, if you have any questions you want answered, e-mail me. I do check my e-mail often, and there's a much better chance I'll get back to you.   
**REVIEW!** Use the little box at the bottom left. Feed the author *Nods enthusiastically.* You know you want to.


	8. VII: Reprecussions & Revelations

****           **This chapter's been beta-ed now, thanks to Diagonalist.  Sorry for any mistakes before                **

**Disclaimer:**          I don't own, nor do I want to own, Harry Potter.  J.K. Rowling owns them.  I've no intention of making any profit off of this, it's mere used to satisfy my desire to write and possibly to amuse you, the reader, though you can pay me if you want.  Lyrics to Defy You, of course, don't belong to me.  They belong to the Offspring.

**Warning:                **This will be R and will contain *SLASH*  You don't like it, don't read.

**Summary:             **Harry returned to Hogwarts after six years of self-exile into the Muggle World and the defeat of Voldemort.

**AN:**                          Well, I'm extremely sorry again for the lack of updates this week, I really tried to get one up last Sunday, but it just didn't work, and then I haven't gotten home after school before eight pm.  But I know you all love me and won't hold it against me, right?  Right?

Now, addressing some reviews, which by the way, I'm extremely grateful for.  I think I received over fifty for the last chapter alone.  I'm glad you guys liked it.

Artemis-                   I live near a few hills and I can barely stay upright when I'm snowboarding.

Lord R-                    I believe you are evil.

Frankie-                   I might be crazy, but who ever had fun being sane.  *Laughs maniacally*

Eternal Cosmos-      We can't have Snape figuring out about Harry this early on.  That would completely screw up the rest of my plot.

_Special Thanks-_       To everyone who reviews, but especially to the people who fed me.  Food is much appreciated.  Also, leave all questions about the cat alone for now.  I'm sure you'll be pleasantly surprised when you figure out what it is.

_Dedication-_                This is for everyone who has "different" opinions.

_.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._

**Chapter VII**

Repercussions and Revelations

You may push me around  
But you cannot win  
You may throw me down  
But I'll rise again  
The more you say  
The more I defy you  
So get out of my face   
  
You cannot stop us  
You cannot bring us down  
Never give up  
We go on and on  
You'll never break us  
Never bring us down  
We are alive!   
  
All my will  
All my strength  
Rip it out  
Start again   
  
The wind blows  
I'll lean into the wind  
My angle grows  
I'll use it to win  
The more you say  
The more I defy you  
So get out of my way   
  
Can you leave it all behind?  
Can you leave it all behind?  
Cause you can't go back  
You can't go back

_.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._

It was somewhat odd.  The first full week of school wasn't even over, and already I'd gotten myself in a duel.  

                The students were still standing around the classroom, stupidly, and I was already regretting my actions, or rather words.  

                Well, not really.  Severus Snape deserved whatever he had coming to him.  I was going to hex his pretty little ass from here to next month.  He was going to be seeing stars for weeks.  He wasn't going to know what hit him!

                …

                So what if I was a little nervous.  Even if I had defeated the world's greatest dark wizard of the past half century, Severus was still the man who'd taught me nearly everything I know.  I had the right to be a little nervous.

                Inside I was silently praying that he would just walk away, or ignore me, or something.

                However, when he did wave his hand dismissively at me, I got angry.  He wasn't going to just ignore me!

                I'm a confused and contradicting myself, what can I say?

                I stepped forward, and shouted angrily at Snape from across the room.  "Are you afraid I'm going to prove you wrong!?"

                The dark haired man snorted at me.  "Hardly."

                "Well then?" I demanded.  I wasn't going to let this drop.

                He ignored me and started walking out of the room.  That was it.  I wasn't going to settle for this.

                Raising my wand, I tried to hit him with a simple curse; Jelly-legs, to be exact.  It wasn't the most mature thing, but it wasn't as if I was trying to kill him… or maim him.  I just wanted to provoke a reaction, and Merlin only knew how hard it was to provoke anything more than a quirked eyebrow from that man.

                He blocked it, expertly, as I'd expected.  His pride would not suffer letting anyone say he'd been felled by a simple child's curse.

                The students' faces were ridged with shock.  Their teachers were having it out in front of them in a classroom!  What would be next?  A vampire teaching at the school…  Except that wouldn't be a surprise.  Many students suspected Snape of being just that already, but even so.

                Severus turned to face me, his expression calm, but his eyes burning with restrained anger.

                "How pleasant," he said coldly.  "You really are incompetent."

Severus raised a mage barrier and pulled out his wand.  In that order…. Odd.  I didn't know you could do that.

Dismissing the thought from my mind until I could analyse it later, I got into proper duelling stance and bowed.  Severus bowed back, and then our duel commenced.

He started first, trying to hit me with an incapacitating spell.  I managed to block it and counter attack with petrificus, which was easily blocked as well.  We went on like that for a while, shooting harmless curses at each other.  It was actually amusing, and sad, in a way.  

Suddenly the severity of the curses and hexes increased, nothing life threatening, but harmful none the less.  Sparks started to shoot from own wands along with the curses.  We even had to start dodging some of them unable to cast the counter curses fast enough.

I wasn't surprised when Severus managed to cast a curse that I couldn't block.  I don't even recall what it was, but it managed to knock me from my feet and caused me to drop my wand.

He started to walk over to pick it up, but I wasn't going to let him beat me that easily.

"Accio," I shouted, and my wand flew back into my hand.  It was the advantages of wandless magic.  

Severus looked dumbfounded, and I took advantage of his shock to get _his_ wand away from him.  

He stood there stupidly, or as stupidly as a Snape could, as I approached him, my own wand pointing at his throat.

"Incompetent, am I?" I asked, sneering.  I could see the students around us had mixed expressions.  The Slytherins were enraged and disappointed at me defeating their head of house.  The rest were snickering and glade that the Slytherin professor had been taken down a notch.

I myself felt a little smug.  I'd just defeated my teacher.  Just ignore the fact that I had cheated a little, if you could count it cheating.

My smug feeling disappeared when I saw the small, tell-tale twitch at the corners of Severus' mouth that were as close to a smirk as he ever got.

"Yes," he whispered, so that only I could hear.  

It was my turn to be dumbfounded as he raised a fisted hand and brought it down on my temple.

My last coherent thought as I fell unconscious to the floor was that the greasy bastard had cheated.  I hadn't been expecting that…

_.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._

                I woke up in what was presumably the infirmary.  

                I didn't open my eyes right away because I heard voices, and wanted to hear what they were saying.  One speaker was Mme Pomfrey, and the other was…

                "The foolish boy attacked me in my own class room.  What did you expect me to do Poppy?  Let him insult me in front of my own students.  A student needs to respect their teacher.  How are they supposed to do that if…?"

                "Be quite you hypocrite!" Poppy said vehemently.  "From what I've heard, you've been insulting the man since he arrived at Hogwarts."

                "But he's…"

                Pomfrey cut him off, still obviously irritated, but her tone much calmer.  "If you don't be quiet Severus, I'm going to start spreading much deserved rumours about you!"

                "But…"

                "Enough!" she exclaimed, and I could almost imagine her throwing her hands up in frustration.  "I believe you should leave now.  The poor man is going to have one nasty bruise on his head when he wakes up.  I wouldn't want to be you when he decides to take revenge."

                I didn't know about the bruising, but I sure as hell had one nasty headache.  My temples were throbbing in time with my heartbeat.  Some Muggle Asprin would be greatly appreciated at the moment.

                "But…"

                On second thought, the pain was worth every minute of watching, or rather hearing Snape flounder.

                "Go!"

                I heard Snape's retreating footsteps as he obediently left the infirmary.  

                I kept my eyes closed as I heard Poppy approach my bedside, hoping to fool her into believing I was still asleep, but alas my hopes were short-lived.

                "I know you heard the entire conversation," she said quietly.  Knowing I was caught I opened my eye and looked at her sheepishly.  "We were loud enough to wake the dead.  A rock couldn't have slept through out conversation."

                I had to smile, inwardly, at her comment as she went in search of a pain-dulling potion, no doubt unwillingly compliments of the very man who had put me here.  There was a nice little twist of irony in that.  Quite satisfying, I must say.

                I tried to prop myself up on my elbows, but when I tried to sit up, my head began to spin and throb, so I promptly fell back down.  

                Wow, was all I could think.  Severus was certainly a lot stronger that he appeared.  I wanted to raise my arm up to rub the goose egg that must have formed on my temple, but something told me that wouldn't be a very good idea.  Something about putting unwanted pressure on it…

                I couldn't help myself though.  I raised my hand to my head to touch the swelling bump, wincing as the tips of my fingers came into contact with it.  Ms. Pomfrey slapped my hand away from my head gently and scolded me.

                "You're a grown man.  You should know better than to touch the injury."  I smiled sheepishly again and she "humped" at my childish behaviour.  She then handed me the small, stopper-ed vial.  "I'm going to give this to you to take under your own advisement, but I must warn you, it is extremely potent.  A bottle this size should last you for six or seven doses, so be careful."

                I took the vial in hand and stared at the brownish-hued solution.  As I'd surmised, Snape had made it, his elegant script on the label proof of that.  _Abnegati-Malaise_, it read.  I think the name translated into '_negation of pain.'_  That was reassuring.

                I then realized Poppy was still speaking.

                "…and the potion will also help to bring down the swelling.  Now off you go."

                I didn't want to feel that I'd been ignoring her, because I felt stupid enough as it was having let Snape get the better of me, so I didn't ask her what she'd said.  Take small doses, pain and swelling go away.  She wouldn't give me something that could cause _too_ much damage, right?

                "Thanks," I said, cheerfully.  I didn't take the potion in the bed though, because I wanted whatever the horrible effects of the potion would be to take place in my rooms.  I didn't want a second bout of stupidity to be witnessed.  "I'm just going to sit here for a minute until the room stops moving."

                Mme. Pomfrey just shook her head muttering something about men and their pride before going to the back of the room to, I assume, restock the medicine supplies.

                It was a good thing I made the decision I did, because not only would I have fallen had I tried to stand just then, but Dumbledore also entered the hospital wing, and the expression I saw on his face made me feel that what he had to say would be taken better sitting down.

                Dumbledore looked, to put it nicely, like shit.  I was the first time I'd ever seen him like this, and frankly, it frightened me.

                His blue eyes didn't hold the familiar twinkle then, and his face was weary.  It was though he was exhausted and in desperate need of a long denied sleep.  I suddenly felt a different sort of respect for the old man.  I no longer worshiped him like I had as a child because I knew him to be a manipulative bastard, but from what I saw in his eyes…

                He wasn't a headmaster of a school.  He was the ruler of an entire race tired to making decisions that hurt those he loved because it helped the greater good.  I saw then a man who realized that there was a knife's edge between selflessness and self-sacrifice, and a man could only balance that for so long and remain human.  Albus was a strong man, and I almost regretted saying what I had in his office my first day back at Hogwarts, but as the expression went, men forget but never forgive.

                I looked at him expectantly, and then suddenly he was back to his old self.  That brief moment of anguish that I saw trying to fade like paint against the sun.  I wasn't going to forget it.  Maybe, if I puzzled over it long enough, I would be able to figure out what Albus had been trying to do and actually get over it…

                But not right then; my head hurt too much.

"Ah, Ethan," Dumbledore said with what I now knew to be false cheerfulness.  "I heard about your spectacular duel this afternoon.  It seems out dear Severus took a slight beating to his ego."  The man winked conspiratorially before saying in a whisper, "If you ask me, it was well needed.  Between the two of us, it was a good thing, otherwise that man would have grown to big for his hat."

I let out actual laughter there.  The thought of Severus wearing a hat, and the mental pictures associated with it were too much.  Albus laughed with me, and it seemed unforced this time.  For a short while I was able to picture myself before the end of the war, when I'd been young and not quite so jaded, and I thought 'Professor Dumbledore' could do no wrong.

My mirth changed to anguish on the flip of a coin, and I suddenly felt bitter.  I was like a hormonal, teenage female, suffering from mood-swings at 'that time of the month.'  I was just a roller-coaster of emotions for some reason, and I was ready to blame it on the bumped up head.

"I'm glad to be of service," I said, trying to regain that humorous mood, but failing miserably.

Albus composed himself after his laughter subsided, acting oblivious to the change in my change in moods, and for once I was grateful.  I even managed to take comfort from his next words.

"I just stopped by to see how you were faring, and to congratulate you on your exceptional duelling skills…"

He was cut off by Poppy who called back from where she was standing.  "That young man doesn't need commending, he deserves a cuff on the ear, which Severus kindly gave him.  Honestly, attacking him in front of the students.  You couldn't have sorted your differences out in private, now could you?"

_I don't think Snape would have been willing to talk to me in private, or at any time,_ I thought bitterly, but I didn't voice it.

Dumbledore looked down at me and shrugged his shoulders.  "I stand chastised.  There is nothing I can do against the intelligence and intuition of women," he bowed comically to Mme Pomphrey.  "So, by your leave, Milady."

To my shock, not only did Poppy seem to blush at that, but also the room had stopped spinning.

I slowly swung my feet over the edge of the bed, now able to sit up, and once my feet were firmly planted on the ground, I stood, and, miraculously, didn't waver.

I raised the potion in a gesture of thanks to Hogwarts' medic and left the infirmary, slowly making my way back to my rooms.  

I was confused when I got there, mulling over the odd conversation I had had with Albus, not in words, but in emotions.  I simply couldn't understand what I was thinking.  I was strongly beginning to believe Snape had hit me harder that we all suspected, because I normally never felt this way.  I was generally pretty good at interpreting my emotions as well as those of others.

Shaking my head, I resolved not to think of it at all until the morning.  

Going to one of the drawers, I pulled out a teaspoon.  I poured a small amount of the brown liquid onto the spoon, and quickly swallowed it all.  I then rushed over to the sink and drank water directly from the tap.  I'd forgotten Snape didn't believe in putting anything in his potions to make them feel better.

It was while I was standing with my head nearly in the sink that the effects of the potion hit me.

Poppy hadn't been kidding when she'd said it worked quickly.  

I barely managed to make it to my bedroom before I passed out, still fully clothed, on the covers of the messy bed.  I was out like a light.  I hit the pillows like a ton of bricks.  I…

Well, you get the idea.

I was so unconscious I didn't even notice the nameless Himalayan jump onto the bed and snuggle up against my head.

I'd missed dinner, but I didn't even wake up until the next morning, nearly late and having to rush to arrive at my own class on time.

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**AN:**       Um… Sorry about the outcome of the duel, but I got so many reviews telling me to have Harry kick Sev's ass, and while that's what I was planning, the few reviews for the opposite really appealed to me, so I kinda did both.  Hope you still liked it.

                Okay, now I have three questions for you:

1) Would you mind if later on I did a chapter from Sev's, point of view?

2) Does anyone want a flashback into Harry's life in the Muggle world next chapter?

3) What are your opinions on going in depth into Harry's band mate's characters?

Give me feedback. If you think it's worth continuing, tell me. If it should be scrapped, tell me. If you got a new puppy and want to brag about it, tell me. If you have random pointless plot ideas, I'd love to know.   
Also, if you have any questions you want answered, e-mail me. I do check my e-mail often, and there's a much better chance I'll get back to you.   
**REVIEW!** Use the little box at the bottom left. Feed the author *Nods enthusiastically.* You know you want to.


	9. VIII: Surprising Turns

**Disclaimer:**          I don't own, nor do I want to own, Harry Potter.  J.K. Rowling owns them.  I've no intention of making any profit off of this, it's mere used to satisfy my desire to write and possibly to amuse you, the reader, though you can pay me if you want.  Translated lyrics to Nebel belong to Jeremy Williams as well as Rammstein.  I'm not supposed to use them with out permission, but then again, I'm not really supposed to be writing fanfiction using Rowling's characters.  *shurgs*  It's a nice song.

**Warning:              **This will be R and will contain *SLASH*  You don't like it, don't read.

**Summary:             **Harry returned to Hogwarts after six years of self-exile into the Muggle World and the defeat of Voldemort.

**AN:**                         The only person I know who can get songs more stuck in their heads than me is Rubberboots, and, unfortunately, she has the talent to get them stuck in my head as well.  I will admit Rammstein is a good band, but not _that_ good.  She has ALL of their songs.

Thanks to everyone who answered the questions at the bottom of the last chapter.  It was unanimous that I should put in Snape's perspective.  Most people wouldn't mind a flashback that will probably come next chapter.  As for the final question, what I meant to ask is how people feel about OCs, because the plot calls for several to be in this, it's just a matter of to what extent.

Kalika-                    I love the bunny!

Diagonalist-          Sorry about the mistakes in the last chapter, and thanks SO much for beta-ing.

Amy Lee-               Typos are from lack of sleep and the inability to pay attention when typing; that and the fact that I didn't have it beta-ed when I first posted it.  It's fixed now, and I made a point of having this one edited before posting.

Kristen-                  Blah!  Have enough problems with updating as it is.  *mutters and shakes fist* Damn school!

Xikum-                   Wow… Nice rant.  I hope you don't mind but I borrowed it a little for this chapter.

Beryllix-                  Thanks for the idea.  I think about it.

Kaze-                      More about Kestor in the next chapter.  Also, your name wouldn't have anything to do with Weiß Kreuz, would it?

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**Chapter VIII**

Surprising Turns 

They stand with their arms tightly around each other  
A mixture of flesh, so rich in days  
Where the sea touches the land  
She wants to tell him the truth  
  
But the wind eats her words  
Where the sea ends  
She holds his hand, trembling  
And kissed him on the forehead  
  
She carries the evening in her chest  
And knows that she must wither away  
She lays her head in his lap  
And asks for a last kiss  
  
And then he kissed her  
Where the sea ends  
Her lips, delicate and pale  
And his eyes tear up  
  
The last kiss was so long ago  
The last kiss  
He does not remember it anymore

_.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._

As I went down to the Great Hall the next morning for breakfast, the ever-present Himalayan at my heels, things became decidedly odder.   
                It started out as students muttering and pointing at me when they thought I wasn't looking. The mutterings developed into harsh whispers, which turned into quick debates, all of which were too quiet for me to hear.   
                What Snape had done was completely against a teacher's ethics. Severus had actively undermined the respect I had with my students. I was never going to be able to get the students to pay attention to me in class, let alone the Slytherin's who had just witnessed their Head of House render me unconscious. Admittedly, I had made a mistake in allowing Severus to get within striking distance of me (a move like that would have gotten a wizard killed in the war.) But still, he was a well know figure at the school. He didn't need the respect of his students. He had their fear.   
                I was doomed to fail, now. I can't understand why Dumbledore ever wanted to hire me.   
                I began plotting the top ten ways to torture Severus before I murdered him for undermining my authority like that, as I approached the entrance.   
                …But I nearly dropped dead in shock when I entered the Great Hall.   
                The first thing I noticed was that the Great Hall was in complete and utter chaos. The students were in an uproar. They were arguing with each other, about the duel, saying that the duel had been finished when I had disarmed my opponent. That was proper formal duelling. Formal duels weren't meant to be the death, they were meant to end when on wizard was disarmed.   
                They were saying what Severus Snape had done was dishonourable, and sleazy, and that the man had no integrity. I knew that if Snape ever heard that, he would suffer from an aneurysm. If that man prided himself in anything, it was his integrity, even if he did favour his House.   
                And the best part about it was that even the Slytherins were complaining about it. They knew they were sneaky bastards, but what Snape had done was wrong, if a trademark move of their House.   
                I could only stand unnoticed in the entrance, trying to stop myself from grinning like a fool. This was better than any type of torture I could ever have come up with. This was the best out come I could have imagined. I couldn't have planned it better myself. I couldn't have had someone else planned it better if I'd tried.   
Severus Snape was going to kill me.   
                Which led me to my second observation; Severus Snape was most decidedly absent.   
                I let my eyes wander to the centre of the staff table to see Albus musing over this situation, though there was a small twinkle in his eyes. Next to him Minerva was struggling unsuccessfully to control her mirth.   
                The noise quieted down somewhat when the students began noticing me. I stood silently and with as much dignity as I could while trying my damnedest not to double over in laughter, as four seventh year students approached me, obviously the chosen representatives of each house.   
                One of them, of course, was the Slytherin, Laurence Palaines. I was certain that face would stay with me for as long as I taught here, which most likely wasn't a good thing, because of my first assumption. The other three students I could vaguely remember, Kryon Mythus from Ravenclaw, Tamian Louis from Gryfindor and Samantha Smith from Hufflepuff. From what I could remember however, they were, all, the top ranking students in academics in their Houses.   
                "We would like to commend you on your excellent duelling skills," Tamian began, and I dimly remembered her as one of the bystanders of the duel, a rather good looking auburn haired girl.   
                Laurence cut her off. "We will, albeit unwillingly, admit that what Professor Snape did was disgraceful. We understand that you have exceptional skill in duelling."   
                "We also realize you have certain… abilities… that our previous teachers either didn't possess, or… saw fit not to teach us," Kyron explained, and I realized immediately he was speaking of the wandless magic I had used during the duel.   
                "We would like to make a proposition," the Slytherin said, and it sounded as though he were scheming.   
                "And what might that be?" I said softly, noticing many students were now watching us with great interest.   
                The black haired youth spoke confidently, if distastefully. It was apparent he didn't exactly enjoy the idea of what he was suggesting. "We will aid you in class preparation, and help you in any way…"   
                "Class related, assuredly," Samantha said timidly for the first time, as though I intimidated her.   
                Kyron gave her a derisive look before motioning Laurence to continue.   
                "In return, you will agree to teach us how you used the wandless magic…"   
                "As well as start a duelling club," Tamian interjected. "They said Snape helped start one several years ago, but he won't even talk about it."   
                "That's Professor Snape," I said off-handedly, not noticing the shocked looks on their faces. I lowered my gaze to think, and I had to hold back a chuckle. I could understand why Snape wouldn't want to talk about the duelling club in my second year. Lockhart was definitely not something one wanted to talk about.   
                I raised my head again. "I will consider it, but I'll need to ask Albus for permission about the duelling club."   
                There were glad looks on the four students' faces, though Laurence was trying to maintain a cool, reserved expression.   
                "Now," I said, "If you don't mind, I'm going to go and eat. I'll see you in class, Samantha.   
                To my incomprehension, the girl blushed, and turned her head away. If I didn't know any better I would say… No! I'm not even going to consider it.   
                I moved past the group and took a seat at the head table. I saw the four students move back to their respective tables, and most likely pass on the information to their classmates.   
                Turning to Dumbledore, I made to ask him about their request, but he answered me before I even spoke.   
                "You have permission to do whatever you wish, within reason, as long as it doesn't affect your teaching."   
                Do not let it be said that Albus Dumbledore is an ignorant man.   
                It was at that moment I noticed my second shadow, the cat, was no longer with me. As much as it relieved me that it had gone to pester someone, or something, else, I was a little disappointed, too, and I wasn't quite sure why.   
  


_.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._   
  
                I was sure my deal with the four students and, through association, their Houses, was going to prove extremely useful, but at the moment, it was more of a hindrance than help. I had very little free time.   
                There was a lot more to running a Duelling Club than I would have assumed. I first needed to reacquaint myself with proper duelling etiquette. It seemed that my duel with Severus broke nearly every rule there was to "courtly duelling," from my issue of the challenge to the… interesting… conclusion. That was going to be something I would have to beat into the students' heads were I to teach them anything. I would not have a repeat of the duelling club from my second year.   
                Between my research and my lesson planning, I had very little time to do anything else, such as practice on my drums, but mainly, to make a weekend trip into Muggle London to check and stock the flat I had rented for the duration of the school year.   
                Another part of my seemingly flawless, but straining to maintain, façade I needed in order to keep my friends ignorant to my situation and my co-workers ignorant to my identity. Bitterness flowed through me at this. There were occasionally brief moments of insanity where I thought my anonymity wasn't worth it.   
                But as I said, these moments were very brief; shortened considerably by the fact that lies seem to compound themselves, weaving an intricate web that eventually became impossible to untangle. I'd been lying for so long I didn't want to even imagine trying to unravel it.   
                Fortunately for my conscience, my lies were laced with enough truth to keep me from falling apart.   
                Of course, I only thought about things like this in moments of extreme stress, frustration, or senility.   
                I didn't reap the benefits of my bargain until well into the third week of school, when I had finally issued tests to the younger grades. I was able to cheerfully hand them over to the four students, along with a test filled in with the correct answers. I'd spelled the tests so the students' names wouldn't be visible, eliminating the possibility of discrimination against houses and favouritism.   
                I allowed myself a brief chuckle when I did this. Someone should have thought of doing that to the test before Snape gathered them to correct them. That way he wouldn't be able to spoil his Slytherins.   
                Come to think of it, though, I hadn't heard half as many complaints about him from the students. Maybe he had been able to curb his cynicism and bitterness… Either that, or he'd decided to redirect it towards his co-workers.   
                But with the benefit of not having to mark eight classes worth (I'm a horrible person, I know) of tests, I was able finally get away to London to by some much needed supplies for my flat. After the end of Friday's classes I was all but running to my rooms so I could grab a pre-packed bag and get outside of Hogwarts' wards so I could apparate to my flat.   
  
_.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._   
  
                I quietly unlocked the door to my one bedroom flat, having apparated into a secluded area in a park as to not arouse suspicion from nosy neighbours, and entered. It already had a bed, refrigerator, microwave, stove, and television, but it completely lacked the necessities required to make the flat appear 'lived in.'   
                That, therefore, would be the first order of business.   
                The second thing my second dwellings were missing was a drum-kit. That would definitely look suspicious if my friends ever came to visit, so I was going to have to make effort to find a music store where I could find a place to buy that new set of drums I'd been wanting.   
                I bought food, more clothing, and toiletries for the flat, as well as different Muggle sweets I'd grown addicted to over the years and a portable CD player I was going to tamper with.   
                I remembered well from my fourth year Hermionie saying the 'bugs' weren't possible in Hogwarts because of all of the magical interference, but I was positive it would be possible, with the right charms, the get the thing to work with magical energies, instead of electrical. I had a desperate need to find something to play music with, if I was going to practice.   
                Near Christmas there was always a band competition in a small club that catered to tribute bands. Our band had one the past three years, and I was hoping to add a fourth to that by practicing by myself, but to do that, I was going to need to listen to the songs we were supposed to be performing.   
                This competition was going to be my early Christmas gift to my self if I got the chance to get away from Hogwarts for another weekend.   
                In my extensive instrument shopping on the Saturday afternoon, I was able to find the perfect drum-set, a little on the expensive side, but I decided to splurge. I'd denied myself the Firebolt in my third-year, so I might as well spoil myself now.   
                I made deal with the store owner, putting in a down payment, promising to pick up my purchase within the next month and pay the remainder of the cast, too. It was, all in all, a successful afternoon.   
                That was, until, I stepped out on the street, and, momentarily blinded by the sun, I didn't see the car barrelling towards me. The driver didn't see me either, obviously, because he didn't slow down, nor did he swerve out of the way.   
                I don't actually recall this, but I was pretty sure I was hit head on, though fortunately the car wasn't going incredibly fast, or else I would have been a pancake, instead of being placed in a hospital for the next four days.

_.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._

**AN:         **Wow.  It's another cliff-hanger thing.  I hope it's suspenseful.  Frankly, I don't like the way I ended this chapter, but it has major plot advancement, so it needed to happen.  Also, if I didn't end it here, it would be another while until you got the next chapter.

I'm going to rephrase that third question again.

3) Would you be against having original secondary characters in this for the sake of major plot advancement?

As usual, I appreciate those who feed the author.  I'd like you to review if you enjoyed this, review if you hated it, or give me any possible constructive criticism.  I'd love to know how you think I could improve this.

Now, does anyone have more food for the author?  If so, click on the nice button in the bottom left corner.  Please.  GO!


	10. IX: Flashback for lack of a better name

**_NOTE!!!:_**              I'm REALLY sorry.  I meant to have this up yesterday, going so far as to posting it before it was beta-ed, but for some reason FF.net wouldn't let me upload anything.  **_SORRY!!!_**

**Disclaimer:**          I don't own, nor do I want to own, Harry Potter.  J.K. Rowling owns them.  I've no intention of making any profit off of this, it's mere used to satisfy my desire to write and possibly to amuse you, the reader, though you can pay me if you want.  Lyrics to The General belong to Dispatch.  I love that song!

**Warning:                **This will be R and will contain *SLASH*  You don't like it, don't read.

**Summary:             **Harry returned to Hogwarts after six years of self-exile into the Muggle World and the defeat of Voldemort.

**AN:                         **Answer to the third question this time was a definite go ahead for a few OCs as long as they weren't Mary Sue/Gary Stu.  Have no fear about that.  

Sara Wolfe-           Sorry for the distinct lack of appearances from Snape, but there will be more next chapter.

Viscountess-         Thanks for the praise, but you'd better watch out, it might go to my head.

Kaze-                 I remember him sell.

Someone-              No, he doesn't live in a wizarding village.

Lord R-                   I do write original, but I don't post it.  I've been called a review whore and it's true.  I want reviews to keep me writing.  You don't get as many writing original as in fanfiction… *sighs*

Rachel-                   I'm not going to say anything about what's going to happen but I understand what you're saying.

                                Of course, I'm sorry about the cliffhangers, but that's normally the point where I get lazy and decided the chapters long enough.  I think there's one at the end of this as well… kinda.

Thanks as usual to Diagonalist for being such a wonderful beta and putting up with me.  You should thank her too.  She's the one who stopped me from scrapping this chapter.

_.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._

Chapter IX 

Flashback (for lack of a better title)

There was a decorated General with a heart of gold   
That likened him to all the stories he told,   
Of past battles won and lost   
And legends of old   
A seasoned veteran in his own time   
  
On the battlefield he gained respectful fame   
With many medals of bravery and stripes to his name   
He grew a beard as soon as he could to cover the scars on his face   
And always urged his men on   
  
But on the eve of great battle with the infantry in dream   
The Old General tossed in his sleep and wrestled with its meaning   
He awoke from the night to tell what he had seen   
And walked slowly out of his tent   
  
All the men held tall with their chests in the air   
With courage in their blood and a fire in their stare   
It was a gray morning and they were all wondering how they would fare   
Till the old general told them to go home   
  
He said: I have seen the others   
And I have discovered   
That this fight is not worth fighting   
And I have seen their mothers   
And I will no other, to follow me where I'm going   
So   
  
Take a shower, shine your shoes   
You got no time to lose   
You are young men, you must be living so   
Take a shower, shine your shoes   
You got no time to lose   
You are young men, you must be living   
Go now you are forgiven   
  
But the men stood fast with their guns on their shoulders   
Not knowing what to do with the contradicting orders   
The General said he would do his own duty but he would extend it no further   
The men can go as they please   
  
Not a man moved their eyes gazed straight ahead,   
Till one by one they stepped back and not a word was said   
And the old general was left with his own words echoing in his head   
He then prepared to fight   
  
He said: I have seen the others   
And I have discovered   
That this fight is not worth fighting   
No, and I see their mothers   
and I will no other   
to follow me where I'm going   
So   
Take a shower shine your shoes   
You got no time to lose   
You are young men you must be living

_.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._

                _I left the courthouse at the age of eighteen, no longer the person I'd been when I'd entered, at least in name.  I'd been a very different person for the past month.  After the things I'd seen and done, there was no way I could remain the same person._

_                No longer was I Harry Potter, however.  That was the first step to forgetting everything I never wanted to remember.  Now I was officially, and legally,  Ethan James.  I thought it was a nice tribute to my parents.  The last name was obvious to anyone who paid attention, using my father's name.  The first name was a little subtler.  By all means, I could have used Evan, but that was a little _too_ obvious.  Ethan was close enough to Evans in my opinion.  So I used my mother's maiden name for my first._

_                As I stepped out into the cold sunlight that afternoon, I unfortunately had a rather large epiphany.  I had absolutely no employable skills.  _

_All records would state I had dropped out of school at the age of eleven; or rather I'd disappeared.  I had no credible education to speak of.  Nor did I have any references in order to get even a dead end job.  Somehow, even if I _had_ wanted to use it, I don't think ''The-Boy-Who-Lived' would be taken very seriously.  Putting 'Saviour of the Wizarding World' on paper would land me in a Muggle Mental Institute, undoubtedly._

_While I did have Muggle currency, I strongly doubted it was going to last me nearly long enough, and I didn't want to return to Diagon Alley._

_I walked, unseeing, down the street until I eventually I managed to register an old cathedral seemingly deserted at the present hour._

_Looking like a good enough place to spend some time thinking over my dilemma, I slipped inside._

_To say the architecture and décor was breathtaking would definitely have been an understatement.  It was obviously extremely old, probably dating back to the late eighteenth century.  The ceiling was domed, and the paintings on it captured the light perfectly, letting one really _see_ the image. _

_The marble columns, and the masonry that went into the walls had an amazing affect of its own as well that I couldn't put into words._

_The newer additions to the church, such as the well maintained pipe organ and the stained glass windows depicting the different stages of Christ's life only seemed to add to the overall effects._

_It was for this brief moment that I wished the Dursley's had taken me with them to church in my childhood.  I certainly wouldn't have been bored in a place like this.  There was something about it that simply seemed… surreal._

_It almost reminded me of the ceiling in the Great Hall at Hogwarts.  It was amazing that simple human effort and skill could produce something to rival the greatest supernatural feats elsewhere._

_I at first thought the church was empty, but I then noticed a young woman with two, small children sitting in one of the front pews.  _

_I watched them in fascination.  They were dressed in ragged clothing, and the two children were extremely well behaved.  It wasn't a life altering experience.  I wasn't suddenly going to admit how much better off I was and make the most of my life.  Nor was I going to donate what money I had to charity and devote my life to helping others.  I just felt sorry for them._

_I was going to get up and leave when I felt a hand come down on my shoulder._

_I spun around, half jumping, a reaction partly from reflex and partly from habit._

_"Calm down, young man," a stranger said gently, but firmly.  His stared at me, taking in my own ragged appearance with piercing eyes.  He was obviously a minister at this church._

_"I'm sorry sir," I began, "I was just about to leave."_

_"Nonsense, young man," he said good-naturedly.  "You obviously came here for a reason."_

_I looked out onto the street through the window.  There would be an obvious, and partially true answer.  "I came in to get out of the cold," I said softly.  "I don't really have anywhere else to go."_

_He looked closely at the bandaged eye from where he stood.  "Problems in your… family?"_

_I was a little startled.  He thought I was part of a gang?  The idea was almost laughable._

_"No," I said shaking my head.  "That was my own fault."_

_He nodded, and though it was true, I knew he wouldn't believe me._

_"I decided I wanted my life to take a different direction," I explained.  "I just never took into account the difficulties of finding a job."_

_I have no idea why I was telling this man my personal problems, but if forced to guess, I would have to say I missed having someone to confide in.  Those last months of the war were difficult._

_The minister was about to respond when a young man entered the church, practically panting._

_"You'll never guess what happened…!" the man exclaimed, but stopped suddenly when he saw me.  "Oh," he said stupidly.  "Sorry."_

_"That's okay," I replied, taking the opportunity to leave quietly.  "I was just about to go."_

_"Nonsense," the minister said again before turning to the young man.  "Kestor, you may wait quietly in my rooms while I talk to this young man."_

_The man, Kestor, nodded once, and walked further into the church._

_The minister turned back to me.  "Now, I'm certain your situation isn't as dire as you imagine."_

_I had to refrain from laughing there.  It might not be dire, but again, I had no credible education.  The only job I might get would be flipping burgers or bussing tables.  That certainly wasn't going to pay the rent._

_I told the minister as much, to which he didn't have an immediate reply._

_"I see your dilemma," he answered, "and you have my permission to stay here for the night.  I will show you to the back after I speak with my nephew."_

So… Kestor is his nephew, _I thought stupidly._

_The minister went to the small room where Kestor was waiting, and I went back to studying the elaborate stain glass windows.  They really were beautiful.  I could see at the bottom of each sill a brief dedication to so and so who donated money, or in memory of a beloved someone._

_I nearly jumped out of my skin when I felt a hand on my shoulder.  As it was, I spun around yet again.  I didn't do well with people sneaking up on me._

_It was the ministers nephew, Kestor.  I got a much better look at him this time.  His looks weren't anything extraordinary, but he did have very nice eyes.  They were a golden brown approaching gold as they neared the pupil._

_His hair was dark brown in a buzz cut, and while well built he was a few inches shorter than myself._

_He extended his hand to me.  "Hi," he said cheerfully.  "I'm Kestor Smith.  My uncle told me I should come talk to you."_

_I looked at him for a moment and then figured I should give him my name, since we might be going somewhere with this.  It was also the first time I'd ever given my new name to anyone, and I had to make a conscious effort not to say Harry.  _

_"I'm Ethan," I managed to say without faltering, accepting his hand.  "What did you need to talk to me about?"_

_The shorter man shrugged his shoulders.  "He told me a little of your problem, and how it could help me solve mine.  You see, I want this apartment, but I can't rent it unless I have a roommate with a steady job…"_

_I cut him off.  "I don't think your uncle told you, but I have no way of _getting_ a job."_

_"Not a problem," the man said with a wave of his hand.  "I know a lot of people who would be willing to hire.  Now…"_

_I cut him off again.  "Then why don't you have a steady job?"_

_"Because I don't want one.  I'm a musician.  I make my money playing gigs." He sneered a little.  "According to the landlord, though it isn't an employment at all.  Needless to say musicians are some of the highest paid people in the world.  But as I was saying, I could get you a job, and you could pay half of the rent and…"_

_"I don't even know you!" I exclaimed.  This felt too much like having  my life manipulated.  Here this complete stranger was trying to get me to live with him.  I saw the minister at the alter, and I glared at him.  I felt my magic roiling and had to suppress it.  Ever since the final battle, it had been hard to control._

_The nerve of that man!  He just smiled at me and said, "We can fix that anytime."_

_There was an odd look in his eyes, almost as though he were… hitting on me…_

_That was impossible.  I had a bandaged eye, I hadn't cut my hair in months and I generally look scruffy.  The fact that I got the impression he was gay didn't bother me, but that he was possibly hitting on me made me think he was a sleaze that would sleep with anyone._

_And inside a church!_

_It got to be too much and I stormed out of the church back into the cold, march air, the large oak panel door slamming behind me._

_I was stalking down the street, well aware that Kestor had left the church as well and was now jogging up behind me, to catch up._

_"Wait!" he exclaimed.  "I'm sorry!"_

_I wasn't even sure what he was apologizing for.  I don't think he knew either._

_He cut in front of me and put both hands on my shoulders, half to stop me, and half to catch his breath.  Either he was really out of shape or he was a smoker._

_"Look," I said staring into his eyes piercingly.  "I'm not going to agree to move in with a complete stranger.  For all you know I could be a murderer, so bugger off!"_

_I think he was a little shocked that I'd said 'I' there instead of 'you' because he looked at me as though that might be a possibility_

_But then he smiled infuriatingly.  "Will you at least agree to have coffee with me?"_

_I looked at him like he was from outer space._

_"I promise I won't bite."_

Okay, he's good at dealing with reclusive people, _I realize.  _Maybe I should at least have coffee with him.  As long as I'm on guard, what's the worst that could happen?

_"Fine," I agree.  "I'll have coffee with you, but I'm not promising anything."_

_Still smiling, Kestor answered.  "No problem.  I'm just hoping to remedy that not-knowing-each-other thing. Follow me."_

_He turned around with a wink and then started walking away.  I glared at his backside and started to follow him.  That man was infuriating._

_…and so started a rather… interesting friendship._

_.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._

I opened my eye slowly, feeling nauseous.  I had no idea where I was, but I knew it was going to hurt when the light hit my eye.

I had to blink several times before I managed to become accustomed to the light.  It was obvious I hadn't had it open for a while.

To my right I heard hushed voices, and I tried to turn my head, but I found my neck was being restrained by something. 

My vision was blurry, but suddenly I saw a familiar face.  "Hey Ethan," Kestor said quietly.  "You gave us quite a scare.  Do you remember what happened?"

I tried to nod, but I couldn't, so instead I rasped out a weak yes.  _Stupid Muggle drivers, _I thought angrily.

Kestor smiled, obviously happy I wasn't suffering from amnesia.  The news he gave me wasn't happy, however.  "The doctor said you had a concussion, whiplash and a broken calf.  You'll be able to leave in a few days, but you'll need crutches."

I swallowed a few times so that I would be able to speak.  The first words out of my mouth were, "Bugger!"

"I would have called your work for you, but you never gave any of us your number," Kestor explained hastily, assuming that was what I was worried about.

"Bugger!" I said more forcefully.  I hadn't even thought about that.  While I was sure Albus would know what had happened, it didn't go a long way to gain the trust of my co-workers.  Trying to change the subject, I asked, "Who's the person in the corner?"

I'd noticed them there, but out of the corner of my eye, I couldn't make out who.

"That's my girlfriend, Julie," he replied.

_Girlfriend… Really…?  Will wonders never cease._

_.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._

                **AN:                **Sorry again for ending the chapter badly.  Love the food people sent me.  Love the reviews.  They keep me writing.  Will honestly try to get the next chapter up before Sunday this time.

See the box in the corner that says go.  You want to press that to feed me.  Yes you do.  You really do.  

*Tries to hypnotize readers into reviewing even if only to bitch at the author for a crappy chapter.*

REVIEW!!!  REVIEW!!! REVIEW!!!


	11. X: Reappearance

 **Disclaimer:**         I don't own, nor do I want to own, Harry Potter.  J.K. Rowling owns them.  I've no intention of making any profit off of this, it's mere used to satisfy my desire to write and possibly to amuse you, the reader, though you can pay me if you want.  Song lyrics to On Mercury belong to the Red Hot Chili Peppers.  I didn't choose the song this time.  Rubberboots did.

**Warning:              **This will be R and will contain *SLASH*  You don't like it, don't read.

**Summary:             **Harry returned to Hogwarts after six years of self-exile into the Muggle World and the defeat of Voldemort.

**AN:         **                I love my beta-reader.  Lots and lots of praise for Diagonalist.

Also, I have to put in a huge mention to Rubberboots.  She was extremely kind, and wrote the first scene for this chapter.  I had a shit few weeks and she helped out a lot.

Sorry for the delay in posting, but I had midterms, and familyish issues.  I typed up the chapter last night.  I'm also going to try to write up the next on for Monday, because I have Monday off.

Now, for the obligatory but amusing review responses:

Xikum:                    Your rant was too good not to use.

Jiltanith:                 Certain bands make a lot of money.  Just thing of U2.  They're an _Industry_.

Lulu Chan:             This story's been going a lot more slowly than I though.  I'm not even sure what I want to do with Kestor right now.

Black Rose:           Um… the horns are just there to keep the halo straight… Right.  Gotcha.

Dagonalist:            Love you for the extra ego stroking!

_.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._

**Chapter X**

Reappearance 

I've got myself  
In a masochistic hold  
Why don't you let go  
Shake it off  
Just to redirect my flow  
Come on let's go  
  
Sit up straight  
I'm on a double date  
I've got to find my way  
Into the light, heavy, middle weight  
We don't stop rock around the clock  
Motor mouthing off  
In front of every other road block  
  
Come again and tell me  
What you're going thru  
Like a girl who only knew  
Her child was due  
  
Memories of everything  
Of lemon trees on mercury  
Come to me with remedies  
From five or six of seven seas  
You always took me with a smile  
When I was down  
Memories of everything  
That blew thru  
  
Looking up into  
A reverse vertigo  
What an undertow  
Give it up  
Another stubborn scorpio  
Come on, let's go  
  
Sit up straight  
I'm on a double date  
I've got to find my way  
Into the light, heavy, middle weight  
We don't stop rock around the clock  
Motor mouthing off  
In front of every other road block  
  
Come again and tell me  
What you're going thru  
Like a girl who only knew  
Her child was due  
To the moon she gave  
Another good review  
Turn around and look at me  
It's really really you

Memories of everything  
Of lemon trees on mercury  
Come to me with remedies  
From five or six of seven seas  
You always took me with a smile  
When I was down  
Memories of everything  
That blew thru

_.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._

                I didn't have the chance to ask Kestor about Julie until I was released from the hospital, and it had been grating on my nerves. I was practically itching to ask him. The bloody bastard knew it, as well, because he'd wink at me every time he saw me looking at her, my confusion evident on my face.   
                The other three members of my band visited me once when they came for a gig. They told me they'd pick up a stray drummer here or there to fill in for them, but no one ever sounded quite as good as me. I have to admit I blushed a little when they said that. After spending eight years in Severus Snape's 'charming' company, I wasn't very good at handling praise.   
                Their presence was a comfort though, and it helped me deal with what I was going to do when I got back to Hogwarts…   
                Actually, they helped me forget about Hogwarts, which was far better anyway.   
                Fortunately for Kestor and my curiosity, Julie offered to wait in the car while he helped me get to my apartment. This gave us ample time, to an extent, to discuss the fact that he had a girlfriend. As far as my knowledge went, he completely and certifiably loved men. I knew that from an experience I would also like to forget.   
                I waited patiently for him to explain.   
                He had figured this out as well, and was waiting for me to crack and demand an explanation. Under normal circumstances I could easily outwait him, but for now I was not very patient.   
                "Care to explain?" I asked politely.   
                "What?" he replied innocently.   
                I glared at him.   
                "Sorry, sorry," he said, waving his hands in front of him in mock defence. "I asked her out."   
                My glare deepened, but it wasn't very menacing, seeing as though I was perched on a set of crutches. "I gathered as much."   
                Kestor glared in return at my sarcasm. "Alistor's been nagging me to get a girlfriend," he explained. Alistor was the keyboardist for our band, and she was a very talented woman, but she was a little demanding. Kestor was the driving force of the band, but Alistor was going to be the one to make them go anywhere.   
                I urged him to continue, knowing there was more to the story than that.   
                "She thinks that it's the fact that I'm gay that's keeping the band from a record deal," he sighed. "I have to agree, a little. Have you ever heard of a group or artist that was openly gay getting signed?"   
                As much as I didn't want to, I had to agree. I'd heard of artists coming out, but never an artist signed. "But…" I protested, more for the sake of protesting than for any other reason.   
                "Don't worry," he assured me. "I like Julie, and she understands the situation. Basically, I get a skirt to hide behind, and she gets an excuse to fend off other men." Then he laughed. "Besides, we've become really good friends, and I do love her, just not romantically. It's more like a cross between good friend and sister…"   
                He seemed to drift off a little, before speaking again. "I've never had a sister before."   
                I refrained from breaking his reverie. He'd had four older brothers, so it wasn't any wonder that he wanted a sister. I just stopped myself from reminding him I didn't have any siblings. I grinned inwardly. Didn't want to spoil the mood after all.   
                We stood in a comfortable silence outside the door to my apartment complex; him lost in a reverie, me staring over his shoulder at Julie, who winked at me.   
                That caused me to start a little. I mentally threw my hands up in the air. Just one more thing I was going to have to figure out. I'd put it on my list of things to do, right below figuring out how to convince the Hogwarts faculty that my extended absence was not from any diabolical plot.   
                Finally I broke the silence. It was the middle of September, and the weather was starting to cool a little. "So, would you like to come in?" I asked him politely.   
                "I'd better get going, actually," he said. "Julie's waiting for me."   
                I nodded slightly. "Okay… Call me about the gig at Christmas. I want to do that one." I grinned, outwardly this time. "Can't let out reputation tarnish, losing to some unknown band because you don't have a decent drummer, now can we?"   
                He smiled back brightly, overjoyed at my good disposition before pulling me into a giant bear hug that nearly knocked me off balance. I managed to balance myself on my good leg in order to return the favour.   
                "I'll do that," he said, turning to leave. He walked down the steps, calling over his shoulder, "If your boss gives you any trouble, I know this guy who knows a guy…"   
                I laughed out loud. It was an inside joke. The speed at which he got me a job six years ago prompted the comment that with all of his connection he must know a hit man.   
                "I'll take you up on that!" I called back, waving to him with one hand, keeping myself balance with the other when he reached his car. He and Julie waved back and drove off, leaving me with a rather large smirk on my face. It made me realize that I couldn't give a damn what the faculty thought, because I didn't really want the job, and I had a great job and even better friends in the Muggle world.   
                I unlocked the entrance to the complex and made my way to my own room, with much effort. I was extremely grateful upon opening my door that Kestor had refused my offer of coming up, because I realized then I didn't have my drum kit yet, and that would have taken a lot of effort to explain.   
  
_.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._   
  
                As soon as I got a few things in order, I apparated just out side Hogwarts.   
                My return to Hogwarts was, thankfully, unnoticed. I managed to reach the Headmaster's office without running into any students or Professors. I was extremely grateful to whatever gods may or may not have been listening.   
                The door to Albus' office opened without my even having to say a word, and thankfully I didn't have to deal with the awkwardness of waiting for him to arrive, because he was waiting for me in his seat. Fawkes was on his perch, looking rather moulted.   
                Dumbledore glanced me over, and his eyes rested on my crutches.   
                He arched one bushy eye brown in question and then gave me a goofy grin. "Is it safe to assume those are the reason as to why you've been absent."   
                His grin was infectious.   
                "Not the reason, but perhaps the result," I offered.   
                His eyes lit up a little, a reminder of the Professor Dumbledore I'd respected and loved in my misinformed youth.   
                "Ah! That makes much more sense," he exclaimed. It seemed he was quite pleased with the fact that I was able to joke around him. Possibly thinking that I had forgiven him for his manipulation.   
                He was right, somewhat. I had forgiven him, yes, but I would never forget, and I certainly wouldn't be as naïve and trusting as I had been.   
                I sobered up a little at that thought, and then asked, "I trust my disappearance caused a little unrest among the members of the faculty?"   
                He was amused at my understatement, though I didn't know that at the time. "The faculty was concerned at first, with your lack of history at this school. To say your absence had made them worry would be…" he trailed off, before his expression turned grave. "There is one professor who is extremely upset with you at the moment. I understand you would like to befriend him, so I suggest any mysterious disappearances be approved by me so that I can assure the staff of your allegiances."   
                I understood what he was saying, until the mention of allegiances. I said as much in fewer words. "Allegiances, sir?"   
                "Yes. There have been rumours of Death Eater activity, despite the death of Voldemort. After the Dark Lord's second rising, people do not take this lightly. Anything unknown is now branded Dark. After all, we no longer have our Boy-Who-Lived to protect us."   
                There was an odd irony in his voice at that statement. Partially because I was there, for reasons I now understood, and partially because, though he spoke sarcastically, he'd admitted to using me for that very purpose.   
                "No, you don't," I said softly, thinking over my own actions in the two years before the end of the war. After my sixth year, I'd realized Albus' true sentiments about me, and the fact that he manipulated people in order to achieve his own ends. Because I was a Gryffindor, I decided that it was my duty to defeat He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. I think my Slytherine side had won some over the past years, because I wasn't sure if those were my sentiments anymore.   
                Finally, I decided. I replied in a soft voice, "I'll help you in your plans, but I'll do so on my own terms. If not, I'm walking out, consequences be damned, Albus!"   
                I ended off in a shout, and felt myself blush. I hadn't meant to yell at him. There was something almost… morally wrong about yelling at an old man, no matter who he was.   
                Albus nodded gravely. "I understand, and I appreciate this, Ethan. We will need more people like you to get through this. I will… ask for your council before involving you in any plans."   
                I nodded, not sure if this was a good idea. Dumbledore's powers for persuasion were legendary.   
                Albus looked up at the clock suddenly and said, "Goodness. I didn't realize the time. I have a staff meeting to attend. Would you care to escort an old man there?"   
                He looked at me again, arching his eyebrow.   
                I had to laugh as I shook my head, motioning to my crutches.. I couldn't even begin to guess how old the crazy professor was, but I would bet all the gold in Gringotts that he was in better shape than over half of the students currently attending Hogwarts.   
                "Very well," he said sombrely. "I will have to escort you."   
  
_.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._   
  
                We reached the staff office together, though he was no longer trying to support me on his arm. It had gotten too awkward trying to manoeuvre the two of us through the narrow corridors leading to it, while carrying a set of bloody crutches.   
                He went in first, and upon opening the door I could hear idle chatter. It stopped immediately as I followed him in. The expressions on their face ranged from impressed at my confidence to be able to walk in amongst them, right up to enraged that I would actually presume I'd be welcome to attend one of their staff meetings.   
                Obviously, it was Severus who wore the last expression.   
                "Albus," the dark haired Potions Master began, "do you truly think it wise, considering the situation, for…"   
                The Headmaster interrupted him. "I would trust young James here with my life, if the situation merited it, Severus."   
                The name was said in such a way that it seemed to encompass the entire faculty, and they caught it, as well. Many of them suddenly went from hostile to welcoming, and though it was obvious most of them did it only for Dumbledore's benefit, there were a few who did it genuinely. It seemed Hermionie and Ron were among those few. They still trusted him implicitly.   
                I was grateful for that, because, in light of Albus' recent information, I was going to need all of the friends I could get in order to help out with it. Truth be told I'd missed them, though they'd seemed immature to me six years ago.   
                Just my luck there was an empty seat beside Ron, and I took it, introducing myself. It felt somewhat odd, because I'd know them for nearly half of my life, but the lying was something I'd almost, much to my dismay, gotten used to.   
                Besides, they seemed happy to have me there as well.

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**AN:         **Well, again, terrible sorry for the delay in posting this, but hecticness was present.  I'll try to get the next chapter up by Monday.

As usual, feed the other, but also, please make a point of feeding Rubberboots and Diagonalist.  They're extremely helpful and supportive.

Go review.  Tell me if you have a new pet.  I have a turtle.  I've named him Fido.  Now, press the nice go button!  GO!


	12. XI: Victims I mean Volunteers

**Disclaimer:**          I don't own, nor do I want to own, Harry Potter.  J.K. Rowling owns them.  I've no intention of making any profit off of this, it's mere used to satisfy my desire to write and possibly to amuse you, the reader, though you can pay me if you want.  Lyrics to Bleed America belong to Jimmy Eat World.  They're only in this chapter because that's the song I'm listening to now.

**Warning:              **This will be R and will contain *SLASH*  You don't like it, don't read.

**Summary:             **Harry returned to Hogwarts after six years of self-exile into the Muggle World and the defeat of Voldemort.

**AN:                         **Someone confronted me via review about my promise of having a chapter up by Monday.  If I say that by Monday I meant next Monday you guys would all believe me, right?  *Nods*  I blame it all on tests, school, work and family.  That and plain lack of inspiration.  Thanks to all of the reviews, Rubberboots and Diagonalist, who inspire/force me to write more.

Me3gogi-               Thanks for all the food.  Yum!

Mars-                     Confrontation in this chapter, more coming later too.

Katrina-                  Death Eaters weren't mentioned.  Yoda would have been a great name!

Amythest-             Go doggy!

Draconical-            Ducks are great, and I'm stealing your random duck thought.

Teigra-                   Friends aren't moving on.  They're waiting.

Sorry if I forgot anyone.  I love anyone who reviews.

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****

**Chapter XI**

Victims… I mean volunteers 

I'm not alone cause the TV's on yeah.   
I'm not crazy cause I take the right pills everyday.   
And rest, clean your conscious, clear your thoughts with speyside with your grain.   
Clean your conscious, clear your thoughts with speyside.   
Salt, sweat, sugar on the asphalt.   
Our hearts littering the topsoil.   
Tune in and we can get the last call.   
Our lives, our coal.   
Salt, sweat, sugar on the asphalt.   
Our hearts littering the topsoil.   
Sign up it's the picket line or the parade.   
Our lives.   
I'm not alone cause the TV's on yeah.   
I'm not crazy cause I take the right pills everyday.   
And rest, clean your conscious, clear your thoughts with speyside with your grain.   
Clean your conscious, clear your thoughts with speyside.   
Salt, sweat, sugar on the asphalt.   
Our hearts littering the topsoil.   
Tune in and we can get the last call.   
Our lives, our coal.   
Salt, sweat, sugar on the asphalt.   
Our hearts littering the topsoil.   
Sign up it's the picket line or the parade, our lives.   
(I bled the) greed from my arm.   
Won't they give it a rest now?   
Salt, sweat, sugar on the asphalt.   
Our hearts littering the topsoil.   
Tune in and we can get the last call.   
Salt, sweat, sugar on the asphalt, our hearts littering the topsoil.   
Sign up it's the picket line or the parade.

_.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._

I was sitting in front of Severus, which really meant I could feel his gaze bearing down on the back of my neck. It was rather uncomfortable, not unlike the feeling of walking through the Forbidden Forest alone at night with some large creature lurking behind you, watching your every movement, waiting for the perfect instant to pounce!   
                Well, maybe not that intense, but it was uncomfortable, and it made me want to squirm in my seat, but I wouldn't give the older man the satisfaction of seeing me do that. I was determined to sit still and listen to what Albus was saying. I wasn't going to dwell on Severus' eyes trained on my body while thinking of what else Severus could be doing to my…   
                I squashed that train of thought before it even took off. Not something I needed to be thinking about right now… not that that's what I was thinking of to begin with…   
                This is where the intelligent part of me would be coughing politely in an effort to change the topic of conversation.   
                I dutifully turned my attention to the man with the long white beard standing in front of us.   
                "As I'm sure you're aware, there have been threats against Hogwarts from a certain group of individuals who at the moment are unwilling to name themselves. For this reason, and for the safety of the students, Minerva and I have decided to implement chaperones for the students. Could we have any volunteers for this job?"   
                There was a twinkle in the Headmaster's eyes, as though there was some devious plot he wanted to implement and this was a means to an end.   
                I heard Ron mutter beside me to Hermionie. "Volunteers? Doesn't he mean victims?"   
                A soft "oof" came from Ron. Presumably, Hermione had skilfully and discretely elbowed him in the ribs. "Ron!" she scolded in a harsh whisper.   
                "What?" he whispered back innocently. "Those students are hellions. I don't see how Hooch could tolerate teaching them. D'you remember in first year when Harry…"   
                "Ah!" Albus interrupted brightly, looking direct at the Weasley couple. "Could you speak up, I'm not sure I heard you right. Did you just say you two would be our first victims? How nice of you two to volunteer."   
                I'm not quite sure anyone else noticed the slip of victims in there, but it was amusing.   
                Ron groaned inwardly again, half from annoyance, and half because Hermionie had elbowed him again in annoyance.   
                "With my bloody luck Snape's going to volunteer just so he can spite me. Make my life living hell," Ron mused.   
                "Ron!" Hermionie hissed again.   
                I leaned over and whispered into his ear. "Snape that bad?"   
                "Worse."   
                "Maybe I should volunteer, increase your chances of not getting stuck with him," I offered helpfully, half for the reason I'd stated, half so that I could get back into Snape's good graces. He'd been almost human just before the war ended. I thought it would be nice to see that side of him again.   
                "What's that, Ethan?" Dumbledore asked cheerfully. "You would like to volunteer as well? Wonderful. That makes five."   
                I briefly wondered who the other two were, but my attention was drawn towards the Potions Master when he whispered to himself, "Just what I need, another Golden Trio."   
                I whispered just loud enough for Severus, and consequently, Ron and Hermionie, who were sitting right beside me, to hear. "Talking to yourself is a sign of mental instability, Severus."   
                Ron snickered, Hermionie looked shocked, and from the silence behind me, I think Severus was unsure which to be more offended over, that I had insulted him, or that I had used his first name.   
                "Watch it, brat," Severus muttered in response for, I presume, lack of anything else to say.   
                "Oh, Severus? You too? That's just wonderful, now we need two more."   
                The Headmaster looked like a child in a Muggle candy store… or maybe a better analogy is himself let loose in a Muggle candy store. Or maybe like it was Christmas, Easter and Halloween all wrapped into one. He was tricking people into this. To put it bluntly he was manipulating people.   
                He was in his element.   
                It turned out the rest of the Professors had learned their lesson through example, and they were all silent. The last two people sucked into the job actually volunteered out of the goodness of their hearts.   
                It was McGonagall who announced the next order of business.   
                "There have been requests that extra tutoring sessions be given to those students who request it, so Albus and I have considered it, and we have decided that instead of giving lessons that are recaps of what is taught in class, we thought it would be better to give joint classes, such as Defence against the Dark Arts joint with Potions, or some such example."   
                The Transfiguration Professor continued in her brusque manner, while I heard Severus groan at the implication. Almost as if he thought this was all some horrible plot against him.   
                That's right; Albus and I had spent the time during my disappearance locked away in his office plotting ways to make Severus' life miserable.   
                I laughed inwardly. As much as I thought that would be fun, I would much rather have had the professor as a… friend than as the butt of my jokes and malicious plotting.   
                I once again turned my attention back to Minerva as she finished her proposal for joint tutoring classes.   
                "All in favour of this say 'Aye'"   
                There was a course of 'Ayes,' followed shortly by one 'Nay' coming from Severus. I briefly remembered a Muggle television show where, through out the entire episode, there were consensuses taken in the same manner, and every time there would be one high-pitched voice saying 'Nay.' I pictured Severus with a high-pitched voice and it made me laugh inside.   
                "Finally, as the last item to be discussed, Professor James has told several students he was willing to aid in Duelling lessons. For safety reasons, he will be required to have an assistant or co-instructor willing to supervise, preferably one with duelling experience." McGonagall turned to Severus. "You've had experience, so would you be willing?"   
                The tall, black haired man groaned semi-audibly, before muttering something along the lines of: "The whole faculty is conspiring against me," before agreeing, very grudgingly.   
                The staff meeting was about to come to an end when suddenly a fuzzy blur darted into the room, around several sets of legs and then right onto my lap. It was that Himalayan that I'd forgotten about.   
                Albus raised and eyebrow questioningly. "I didn't know you owned a cat," he said cautiously.   
                I understood the caution. In some cases, animals could be taken as familiars, and when they were they could become very vicious.   
                "Neither did I," I replied, easing his fears. "It showed up in my room when I got here."   
                The expression on his face was one of cool calculation, but I let my suspicions slip when someone asked, "Does it have a name."   
                "I don't know," I replied stupidly. "I've never thought about it. I wasn't planning on keeping it."   
                "You should name him," Charlie said cheerfully, "because I think it's adopted you."   
                I shrugged. The naming thing wasn't really my thing. "Mittens…" I said hesitantly.   
                "Awe, don't do that!" Hermionie protested. "Name him Chee-ay."   
                "Why?"   
                "I don't know. It seems to suit him."   
                I figured that was as good a name as any, and since the cat didn't protest, Chie he became.   
                I left the staff meeting along with everyone else, much more slowly, however, due to the crutches, with Chie following behind me. I'd briefly considered asking Mme. Pomfrey to heal my broken calf, but it would have been suspicious to my friends if I showed up miraculously healed.   
                "Oh yes, that pesky break. I just had a mediwitch heal it. And by the way, I'm a wizard who defeated the Dark Lord to save the Wizard and Muggle world from certain darkness… And you were saying?"   
                I could just imagine that going over well. That would probably land me in a padded cell at the local mental institute…   
                I immediately went back to my rooms, took a quick shower, careful not to get the leg cast wet. Then I towelled myself dry, before slipping between the bed sheets and falling asleep. I needed it too, I was going to be bombarded with questions from both staff and students the next morning.   
  
_.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._.~*~._   
  
                Breakfast was eventful.   
                That was an understatement.   
                My re-arrival was interesting, to say the least. First, a buzz developed among the students, a hushed whisper of speculation.   
                The staff table wasn't much better, at least until someone finally asked me what had happened.   
                "I was checking on my apartment, and I got into a car accident."   
                Professor Flitwick, the charms teacher, shook his head. "Hermionie over here has been telling me a lot about the Muggle world. I've heard about cars. Dangerous things if you ask me."   
                I laughed a little and shook my head. "It was more my fault than anything else. I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."   
                Flitwick shook his head; firm in his belief that cars were an evil Muggles should do without. In a way I agreed with him. They caused so may problems, but unfortunately, Muggles didn't have the ability to apperate or use Port Keys, so they had to get around however they could.   
                Hermionie, upon hearing her name mentioned, drew herself away from her husband and asked, "You lived in the Muggle world?"   
                "Yes," I replied hesitantly. "I needed a break from magic."   
                "Really… What did you do there?"   
                I wasn't sure what to say. It felt odd being interrogated by someone I'd considered a sister at one point. Finally I managed to answer, "I worked at a restaurant as a cook and played in a band."   
                Hermionie's eyes lit up. "Really? What type of music do you play?"   
                I found it suddenly easier to talk to her, now that we'd found a common topic. Flitwick, who had been sitting beside her, got up and moved so that I wouldn't be talking over his head.   
                "We mostly do covers, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Oasis, Pearl Jam… Tom Petty is a personal favourite."   
                "Really? I've never listened to Pearl Jam, but when I was a kid my parents had all of Tom Petty's albums. What about Led Zeppelin? Or Pink Floyd."   
                I laughed at that. I could just hear Kestor's reaction to even the smallest suggestion that we play Pink Floyd or Led Zeppelin. "My band would have an aneurysm if they even heard you suggest that. It would be sacrilege, or blasphemy, or something!"   
                I burst into insane laughter, earning me a wide variety of looks from my peers and students.   
                Hermionie just smiled. "I guess I could see that. They were both amazing groups… What instrument do you play?"   
                "Drums, mostly, but I'm learning the guitar."   
                I noticed absently somewhere during this conversation that Ron had started listening, but as I said, it was absent.   
                "I always wished I knew how to play the guitar…" she said wistfully.   
                "I don't really know how to, but I could teach you what I know… chords and stuff."   
                I noticed Ron was going to blow something if I didn't back away from his wife. I should have paid more attention. He was always the jealous type, even though there was nothing to be jealous about. I was in no way interested in his wife.   
                The red head seemed to ease off though once I moved away.   
                "That'd be great, but with all of the stuff we're doing I don't know how we could find time. Especially you. You've got that Duelling Club."   
                "Oh yeah… well…" I trailed off.   
                "Maybe though. It's nice to have an option," she said with a smile. Then she stood up. "I should probably get ready for class."   
                "Probably."   
                I watched as the two people I'd considered best friends during my youth walk away, and I smiled. It was nice to know that some things didn't change too much.   
                I got up myself to walk to my class, feeling full, even though I hadn't eaten anything. I guess hospital food does that to people.   
                Walking past Severus, he said the oddest thing to me.   
                "I'd watch out, if I were you. Be careful where you go and such. We wouldn't want you to get into any more accidents, now would we?"   
                I ignored him and continued walking. I wasn't sure if what he was a warning or a threat, but I knew immediately he wasn't talking about cars.   
                That left me feeling a little odd for the rest of the morning.

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**AN:         **I've been told this chapter was funny.  Tell me what you think.  I had a lot of fun with it.  Review!  You know you want to.  It would make me feel better, and it would make you feel better.  Who knows, maybe it would solve all of the world's problems.

                You're probably shaking your head right now, saying I'm crazy, but, who knows? I mean honestly.  Won't you be wondering later as to whether or not you could have saved the world by reviewing?  I bet you'd be really mad at yourself when you realized you hadn't saved the world.

                So go ahead, hit that nice go button in the bottom left corner and feed the author.  You know you want to find out if it would save the world's problems.

Would you have more incentive if I told you I might put Remus and Sirius in the next chapter, and that I'll have it up by **next** Sunday if you reviewed this chapter?


	13. XII: The REAL Chapter 12

*Insert standard disclaimer because I'm to tired and lazy to write it all out…*

AN:         Things are steady at the moment if not normal… this current chapter is the product of a lack of drawing paper and a larger lack or attention in math class.  I took someone's advice and wrote it out on paper first.  That didn't take that long, it was the getting around to typing it.  Hope people enjoy.

Thanks to **Diagonalist** who always manages to return beta-ed chapters much sooner than one would expect and thanks to everyone who gave support.

**ame_chan**

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I would normally add responses, put in a song, and give it a chapter name, but I'm tired, and I want to go to sleep, so you get nothing.  Not even an authors note at the end.  Just pure chapterishness with a cliffhanger that you may or not hate me for later because I don't know when I'm putting the next one up….  Proceed.  *mutters* Both of my feet are asleep.  I've been standing all day…

If one didn't know Severus, or didn't know his history, they might have been able to say it seemed like today was the worst day of his life. There was an air about him that actually seemed to say, "Piss off, I'm having the worst day of my life." To say he was angry would have been the most wonderful understatement.   
                And, of course, the students were bearing the brunt of his wrath. Of the four classes I had day that came from Potions that day, three of them were still shaking when they came into my room. The students looked worse than Neville did after he'd exploded his cauldron during a lesson… twice.   
                The fourth class, obviously, was Slytherin, and while they didn't look any worse for wear, they were complaining that the "Dirty bastard took House points."   
                "He never takes house points!"   
                I shook my head. I was beginning to feel tired, the effects of Snape's anger even getting to me. And I was the one who'd had the supreme pleasure of putting Mr. Snape in his foul mood. Damn Newton and his third law.   
                "Calm down," I said once they had all taken their seats. "I understand that it's the weekend, but you still have one last class, and I'd like for it to be somewhat productive." I brushed some stray hairs from my face and looked over the class. "Turn to the third chapter in your text and read pages forty-seven through sixty-nine. I want you to be able to tell me all of the symptoms of a werewolf bite by the end of class."   
                I sat back at my desk and began massaging my temples. Granted the whole problem was my fault, but I didn't feel I deserved this type of stress.   
                I'd mentioned in the Great Hall this morning, without warning Severus before hand, that I would be starting the duelling club that evening. Severus, having been volunteered for the job of supervisor against his own free will, had predictably taken in very badly.   
                I very much doubted that the minor detail of tomorrow being the first Hogsmeade weekend of the year, another thing Severus had been unwillingly volunteered for to supervise over, helped his disposition much.   
                I heard whisperings in the back of the room.   
                "Stupid Defence teacher, giving all of these pages to read. He's just as bad as Snape. Might as well have told to write an essay about stupid werewolves."   
                I stood up then, pouncing on my student's suggestion. "What a wonderful idea, Miss Sauders." I clapped my hands together in mock joy. "Class, you can thank your friend for being able to write me an essay on the topic of werewolf bites due at the end of class."   
                There was a collective groan in the room, a sound I was quickly getting used to in my classes. I was beginning to see myself as a hybrid between Albus' intrusive cheerfulness in situations where it certainly wasn't warranted, and Snape's ever present sadistic snarkiness. I wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing.   
                The rest of the class was quiet, giving the throbbing in my head a chance to die down. I received several disgruntled looks as the students handed in their sloppily written essays. I strongly doubted I was going to mark them, unless I desired yet another headache.   
                The two hours between classes and dinner gave me the perfect opportunity to tune the guitar I'd brought along with me. It was acoustic, and somewhat worse for wear, but I'd gotten it at a yard sale, so you wouldn't hear me complaining.   
                I practiced a few of the fingerings our bands guitarist, Lee, had shown me before I'd left. He'd been the original drummer for the band, but he preferred playing the guitar. When it was discovered that I had modest talent with the drums, they let me in the band, and Lee got to play his guitar. After that, the band began to get more shows, and now there it was.   
                I had to put the guitar down eventually. While I would have much rather stayed in my room through dinner, Albus had a rule about professors at least making an appearance at the last meal of the day during the week. I wasn't hungry, and even if I had been, I would have much rather fixed something for myself, but it seemed rules are rules, so I had a quick shower before donning my robes and making a mad dash to arrive at the Great Hall on time.   
                 Unfortunately for me the only place left at the Head table was next to Severus, who was currently out to get me for something that wasn't entirely in my control. He was bent on exacting the sneaky sort of payback that I wasn't any good at stopping.   
                 Whatever appetite I may or may not have had quickly disappeared. I sat pushing my food around my plate, which seemed to amuse the older man to no end.   
                I'd said the duelling club was going to start at eight, which was two hours away. That, of course, meant that I would have to spend the next two hours worrying over what my fellow professor had planned for me unless I magically managed to get him out of the job, no pun intended.   
                I whispered to him out of the corner of my mouth something that seemed to solve all of my problems. "You don't have to come to the duelling club tonight."   
                There was silence beside me, but I could see him turn his head to look at me questioningly out of the corner of my eye.   
                "I'm not actually letting them duel. Tonight is all for going over proper duelling etiquette." I didn't have to look at him to tell there was a somewhat shocked expression on his face, or at least as much of an expression as you could expect him to have. "We wouldn't want a repeat of our last duel among the students now would we?"   
                Snape snorted disdainfully, and I excused myself from the table. Interestingly enough, it seemed as though I had made a little headway in gaining his acceptance. At least he could bear to be in the same room with me now… somewhat.   
____________________

  
                I reached the Great Hall for the second time that evening slightly after eight, and was more than a little surprised to find that almost half of the school was there… with their wands at ready. I climbed awkwardly onto a table, on account of my cast and crutches so that everyone could see me, Chie following quickly behind.   
                The cat honestly confused me. He followed me around half of the time, and the other half he was nowhere to be found. I was getting used to him, however, and always made a point to leave out a saucer of milk and mush that may or may not have resembled cat food.   
                The room quickly quieted down when the students saw me standing on the table.   
                "You can put your wands away," I called out. "You won't be needing them tonight."   
                There were confused looks all around, as well as a few hopeful ones. I managed to alleviate their confusion and crush their dreams in one simple sentence. "Tonight we will only be going over the formal rules of duelling. I understand of course that many of you are already aware of these rules. If this is the case, then you have my permission to leave."   
                I paused to watch over three quarters of the students turn to walk out.   
                 "However, you will only be given one warning if you break these rules before you'll be prohibited from returning. Understood?"   
                Many of the students came back at that announcement, leaving me with half of the original turn out. It was still more than I had expected.   
                "Very well," I began. "We are going to start with the basics. Rule number one: Never attack someone from behind."   
_____________________  
  
                For the most part, the teachers managed to go unnoticed by the students in Hogsmeade. Admittedly they saw a little more of use than they were used to, but that could all be seen as coincidence. We all had superficial reasons for being there.   
                Who wouldn't expect a newly wedded couple to be in town searching for furniture.   
                Also, Charlie was never seen at school during the weekends, so, for all the students knew, he went into Hogsmeade to relax on the weekends (which was true).   
                Now was also probably as good a time as any for Professor Snape to run out of potions ingredients.   
                As for myself… well, I was simply viewed as odd, disappearing on weekends and showing up in crutches after missing several days of teaching with the explanation that I had been in a 'car accident.' Frankly, I was pretty sure many of the students believed I was going to see a lover, though why exactly I wasn't sure.   
                 Hogsmeade brought back a lot of fond memories from my time as a relatively carefree student. It also brought a few misgivings. I'd overheard Ron telling Hermionie that Fred had taken over Zonko's Joke Shop. He'd decided to branch out off of the twins business, believing that two Weasley Wizarding Weases shops was better than one. I was glad for him, but they'd been masters of disguise. It wouldn't have surprised me if Fred managed to recognize me. Fortunately, I never ran into him.   
                I ended up buying sweets while I was there, having emptied the care package my friends had packed for me. This of course gained me several amused looks from my fellow professors. I only smiled back. I wasn't going to try to defend my sweet tooth.   
                I also bought several books, including a modern history book, a book on the analysis of Dark Arts, a book on the advanced defence against Dark Arts, one on the uses and applications of Muggle technology in the wizarding world (for my tampering with the CD player), and one book for pleasure reading, a book on advanced potions, much to the bemusement of Snape. It would seem one can still learn something new every day, even at his age.   
                My final purchase was a new racing broom. I don't know what happened to my Firebolt, and it didn't really matter now. Flying was simply one of few material things I'd truly missed from the wizarding world. I missed the feeling of the wind blowing through my hair, and of free falling towards the ground, pulling up at the last minute, so I figure, 'Hey, why not buy a broom?' It had been over six years since I'd last flown, but now was as good a time as any to take it up again.   
                The Hogsmeade weekend was basically uneventful, in other words. There had been absolutely no need for the extensive amount of chaperones, but I guess it was better safe…   
                During dinner that evening I had the opportunity to sit beside Hermionie, seeing as how I'd managed to be there a little early. I don't believe Ron appreciated it overmuch, but I wasn't going to come out and say anything to him until he got a little too jealous. He could be… touchy at times.   
                As it was, Hermionie and I got to talk about how to get a Muggle appliance to work off of magical energy. I was fairly certain that it was possible; energy was energy after all. It was just a matter pf converting magical energy into the electrical variety. If it wasn't possible, than it would blow away the theory that energy could neither be created nor destroyed, and I didn't even want to consider that possibility.   
                "Are you planning on relying on magical or mechanical energy?" she asked me, and I was pretty sure it was a test.   
                 "Magical energy is the only kind that will work in this type of environment… which pretty much screws up my plans…" That last though seemed to worm its way into my speech without fully registering, and I was extremely disappointed, because my little power converter idea was as far as I'd gotten. Trust logic to throw a wrench in the most wonderful of plans.   
                "What do they do for power in the Muggle Studies room?" I asked several moments later.   
                "The room has been drained of all magical energy, so that it doesn't disrupt the electricity. That way we can have a small generator, giving us enough power for whatever we need. I'm guessing that wouldn't help you, seeing as how you couldn't use your wand in there if your existence depended on it."   
                I shook my head in dismay. "No, probably not…"   
                I fell silent as dinner came to an end and most of the teachers, including Hermionie began to leave. I too was about to leave but Ron grabbed my arm and pulled me down into the seat beside him, all without really glancing at me.   
                "I don't know what you think you're doing, but if you try to take my wife, I swear I'll kill you," he threatened.   
                I actually burst into laughter at that. The same thing had happened during our sixth year, even though my reaction had been slightly different and I had felt a lot more offended.   
                Ron was glaring steadily at me as hard as he could, and I nearly had tears in my eyes.   
                "I don't think you have anything to worry about, Mr Weasley," I assured him. "Your wife is completely in love with you and would never leave you."   
                "Then stop flirting with her!" he growled out.   
                "I'm hardly flirting with Hermionie, and in addition, if anyone was worried about who I had designs over, it should be her."   
                I left the table and a very confused Ron, who was still trying to figure out that I meant. It didn't dawn on him until I was nearly at the door.   
              "You're GAY!?"   
                I stopped, turned around… and noticed that I had the attention of all of the students sitting at the heads of their House tables. They were all staring at me, expecting me to answer. Whatever I answered, there would still be rumours going around the school.   
                The main thing that caused me to answer the way I did was the fact that while the wizarding world didn't encourage homosexuality (the need for the endurance of the wizarding race and all), they were a little more accepting than Muggles.   
                I looked directly and Ron, nodded once and said, "Bingo."   
                As soon as I disappeared from view of the Great Hall the students burst into conversation, stirring up rumours, I presume.   
                I wasn't there, or anywhere near the Great Hall when it quieted down, due to the appearance of two other people.   
______________________­­­­­­­­­­­­­   
  
                _"Have you any word on Harry, Albus?" __  
                "No, I'm sorry. As I've said before, we lost track of him when he entered the Muggle world."   
                "So for all we know Harry could be dead!"   
                "I wouldn't worry about that, friend… Who do you have teaching the defence course this year, Albus? I wonder if I could maybe give them some advice."   
                "What are you talking…"   
                "What an excellent idea. Mr. Ethan James has been teaching here. He's wonderful with the students. I believe you'll be able to find his chambers above the dungeons."   
                "Thank you, Albus. I'll let you two catch up, and I'll meet your two back here."_   
_____________________  
  
                I hadn't been back in my room for very long when I heard a knock on the door. I'm not sure who I was expecting to be on the other side, but it certainly wasn't Remus Lupin in a wheel chair.   
                "Hello Harry. May I come in?"


	14. XIII: Confessions

**Disclaimer:          **I don't own, never plan to own, and probably never will own pretty much everything you recognize here.  I do own a few things though, like the plot, and the cat, but they do me little good, because I'm not allowed to receive money for this.  If, on the off chance, you want to give me money for a completely unrelated reason, I would gladly accept.

**Warning:              **This will be R and will contain *SLASH*  You don't like it, don't read.  (Off chance you might find something borderline NC-17 later, but not right now.)

**Summary:             **Harry returned to Hogwarts after six years of self-exile into the Muggle World and the defeat of Voldemort.

**AN:**                         I'm back!  Yes, after a very long (over a month) wait, I've finally gotten around to putting out another chapter.  I'm even part way through the next one, so you'll probably get it by the weekend.  On the plus side, (for me at least) I think this chapter has gotten the most reviews.  

Thanks to Diagonalist, the wonderful beta, and everyone who reviewed:

  


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Very sorry if I missed anyone.

­­­­­­­­­

**Chapter XIII**

Confessions

~*~Don't Forget Me~*~

I'm an ocean in your bedroom  
Make you feel warm  
Make you want to re-assume  
Now we know it all for sure  
  
I'm a dance hall dirty breakbeat  
Make the snow fall  
Up from underneath your feet  
Not alone, I'll be there  
Tell me when you want to go  
  
I'm a meth lab first rehab  
Take it all off  
And step inside the running cab  
There's a love that knows the way  
  
I'm the rainbow in your jail cell  
All the memories of  
Everything you've ever smelled  
Not alone, I'll be there  
Tell me when you want to go  
  
Sideways falling  
More will be revealed my friend  
Don't forget me  
I can't hide it  
Come again make me excited  
  
I'm an inbred and a pothead  
Two legs that you spread  
Inside the tool shed  
Now we know it all for sure  
  
I could show you  
To the free field  
Overcome and more  
Will always be revealed  
Not alone, I'll be there  
Tell me when you want to go  
  
Sideways falling  
More will be revealed my friend  
Don't forget me  
I can't hide it  
Come again get me excited  
  
I'm the bloodstain  
On your shirt sleeve  
Coming down and more are coming to believe  
Now we know it all for sure  
  
Make the hair stand  
Up on your arm  
Teach you how to dance  
Inside the funny farm  
Not alone, I'll be there  
Tell me when you want to go

~*~*~*~

Werewolves, it has been said, like their canine counterparts, have an extraordinary sense of smell. It has been suggested that, because of this, werewolves might be useful as a sort of "search hound" for the Aurors, but many people believe that they aren't trustworthy enough to be used by such important law enforcement groups.

It has also been said that, if in no other area, when if comes to scents werewolves have incredible memories. Werewolves have been known to recognize a scent after as many as twenty years. This also gives support to those who believe in including werewolves in the Auror divisions.

One small disadvantage is that they would be most useful during the full moon, and only then with the wolvesbane potion.

People, however, aren't certain whether or not this sense of smell is related to a physical scent or to magical signatures. Given the accuracy of this sense, most specialists believe the latter.

Marvel at my astounding ability to avoid uncomfortable topics!

Uncomfortable because Remus Lupin has logic that far surpasses my own, and because I'm a horrible coward with absolutely no talent for words. None the less, I have to put the uncomfortable parts in a memoir, no?

~*~*~*~

"Hello Harry. May I come in?"

I stood there sputtering, shocked more at the fact that Remus was in a wheel chair than at the fact that he knew who I was. The latter fact wouldn't dawn on me until later, and then it would be quite loud.

For the moment I could only nod dumbly and step aside allowing the older man entrance. He wheeled himself in with apparent ease, leading me to believe the chair was not a new development. I was still staring at him stupidly when he stopped.

Remus must have felt my gaze, heavy on his back because he turned around to face me and smiled slightly. Despite the fact that he was in a wheelchair, he looked better than when I'd last seen him.

"Why don't you close the door and come sit down," he suggested. "We have a lot to catch up on, don't you think?"

I obeyed him and pulled out a chair, seating myself facing him. We looked each other over for a long while before I finally spoke. "Remus? What happened to you?"

He smiled again, though this time it was with a touch of bitterness. "Just a small price to pay for winning the war… Especially when compared to the other costs."

I had a feeling he wasn't referring to just the people who had died during the final battle, or even those during the second faze of Voldemort's rise. There had been emotional scars as well, yes, but the deaths of innocent people before the war had even started.

_Cedric…_

I nodded slightly and waited for Lupin to continue.

"You know, the other werewolves were promised a lot by Voldemort before the final battle. He obviously had no intention of coming through on any of those promises. He wouldn't have let them taint the pureblooded society he was trying to build, but none of them would believe me when I tried to tell them."

I wasn't sure what the older man was trying to say. As far I had know the majority of werewolves had been on the Order's side before the final battle.

Remus interpreted my confused look properly "It was all part of Voldemort's great plan. He had them betray us on the battlefield. Not all of them mind you, but enough to deal out a lot of damage. I was paralysed in the battle. I took a hit in the spine." The werewolf laughed mirthlessly. "I took quite a number of them with me. They even gave me a medal for it!"

I felt like I myself had betrayed him a little there. It was partially my fault Zabini had been found out as a spy. She'd been a member of the inner circle due to her father's influence. When we lost her, we lost our only source of accurate information about Death Eater plots. "I'm so sorry, Remus. If I'd been there…"

"You might have been cut down like countless other wizards!" he interrupted. "You took care of Voldemort. That was your job, and you did it."

I stood up in frustration and screamed at him, "But while you were fighting I was busy running away!"

Under Lupin's patient and understanding gaze I felt myself flush in embarrassment. I sat back down heavily. 

Not only had I acted like a coward in the past, but I was making a complete fool of myself now. I sat down and took a deep breath to compose myself.

It was then that it dawned on me, followed by an extremely loud, "Bloodly Hell!"

Remus Lupin had easily discovered who I was and would probably be quick to tell my Godfather, wherever he was, and then Sirius would tell the whole world, either in joy or frustration. I stood up again, pacing.

Now wearing a knowing smile, Remus spoke. "Yes, I know your secret, but don't worry, it's not my place to tell anyone who you are. It's your job to tell them… on one condition."

My head snapped up from my floor to look at him. He wasn't going to tell? "What?"

"You tell me why."

This time my head was spinning. He wanted to know why; Half the time I wanted to know that myself. 

There was the obvious fact that everyone was going to see me as the hero, despite the fact that so many others had given so much more that I. I didn't deserve that title, but Albus had made me the figurehead for the war long before I'd even known what the meaning of that word was. Growing up I hadn't like the fame, and it would have been ten fold.

There was also the small detail that all of my life I had been groomed by Dumbledore and the others professors to be able to defeat He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. After I finally succeeded, there would be nothing left for me to do. Becoming an Auror was out of the question, and teaching Defence Against the Dark Arts would have been equally difficult because of the fame issue. I was almost worthless.

In addition, because my only talents lay in the Dark Arts, may people probably believed that I would become the next Dark Lord.

Those weren't the real reasons, however. Sure, they were what had lead me to stay in the Muggle world, but they weren't what had lead me there in the first place.

"Harry," came Remus' voice, jarring me from my thoughts.

"I was afraid!" I exclaimed. There it was. That was the simple truth about my choice. I pulled the hair from in front of my missing eye violently, showing my Godfather's friend the scar. "I was hurt, and afraid, and a child who thought himself a murderer!"

I could see Remus trying to say something, anything, but he was at a loss for words. His lips were moving, but no sound issued forth. He could only shake his head.

I was shaking my own as well, trembling, actually. "I didn't think I was a murderer. I felt it, with every fibre of my being. It didn't matter that it was for the good of the Wizarding World, or that it was in self-defence. I. Killed. Tom. Riddle. And that made me a murderer."

"Harry…"

"Do you know what a wand really does?" I asked him now. When he didn't answer, I continued. "It filters magic. Ask Ollivander. The wand channels magic and filters it to match a person's magical signature. Haven't you noticed how it's harder to use another's wand? Or how much strength it takes to summon your own by hand? That's using raw magic.

"My wand broke when I tried to use the killing curse. I had to kill Voldemort with my own hands; with raw magic. I felt him die, and I felt like I was dying myself. I was scared, and alone and I didn't want to be seen like that, so I ran." I was nearly sobbing as I demanded, "Now do you understand?"

There. That was my deepest, darkest secret, and now there was another person who knew, who could use it for his own designs. 

Half of what I'd said I hadn't even realized until I'd said it.

Chie was now at my side, his head rubbing against my leg, trying to comfort me. I brought my hand over to pet him and he started liking it. I'd never in my life been so happy for an animal's presence.

Remus had also brought himself over to comfort me. Bringing one arm around my shoulder, he drew me to his chest. 

"I'm so sorry, Harry," he said softly, "I never would have guessed."

We sat there for a long while, me sobbing silently, finally mourning for lost friends and other things I couldn't even begin to imagine, he assuring me that while the world was upside down, everything would be all right. He was being extremely parental and I felt like a child.

Finally, all teared out and extremely embarrassed at breaking down like that, I pulled away from him, sniffing a little.

"You learned about the motivation behind the past six years of my life," I said with a slight smile. "I think it's only fair if you tell me what you've been doing lately."

Remus smiled a true smile, one that actually touched his eyes. Then he gestured to his wheelchair. "I haven't been able to get around much, but I've been doing a lot, actually. I've bee researching past laws for the ministry. I'm one who gets to tell them which laws are obsolete and which ones are simply immoral." He grinned mischievously, showing his canines. "You should see the looks on their faces sometimes when I tell them which of their rules require revamping. I'm currently working on one for interspecies relations. "

This somehow didn't surprise me. Remus could be very passionate about certain topics. 

"That's great!" I exclaimed before asking, "Where are you doing this?"

"I'm living with Sirius."

"You two aren't…"

"Together? No," he said with a vague smile. "Though not for lack of effort from outside parties. You're friend Hemione has bee desperate to get the two of us together… despite of the fact that neither of us swing that way. She thinks it would be appropriate. I think it would be almost disturbing. The last two Marauders together… Not bloody likely," he finished with a snort that reminded me of Severus.

I smiled with him. The idea did seem a little ridiculous. Remus and Sirius could be like night and day at times.

The older man was laughing by now, but between bouts he managed to wheeze out, "Won't she be disappointed when she leans that Sirius is seeing someone."

This started me off laughing as well. Hermione prided herself in knowing who would be seeing who in school, though she considered herself above gossip… Not that she ever predicted herself with Ron.

When the laughter finally subsided a little Remus spoke again. "Your turn to tell me what you've been up to."

I nodded then. "I guess you know that I changed my name to Ethan James after I moved into the Muggle World."

"I assume that's why we lost track of you so quickly. Everyone was looking under the wrong name. It's a nice tribute to your parents though. Lily Evans and James Potter. I'm surprised we didn't think of it."

I smiled a little at him in response. "I guess it might be a little surprising. But were you even looking under other names? I'm sure there were enough Harry Potters in the world to make finding me difficult."

"That there was," the older man responded softly with a sigh. "But after that?"

I was able to give him a sly grin. "It turns out I wasn't as abysmal in potions as Severus Snape would have the world believe."

"What do you mean by that?" Lupin demanded in confusion.

"I had a job as a cook at a restaurant."

Remus understood that, but it obviously raised other questions. "I may not know a lot about the Muggle world, but I thought you needed some kind of schooling to get a job like that."

"You normally do," I replied, "but I managed to make a friend in a well connected person who happened to have numerous extended relations."

"How could you do that?"

For Remus, I can understand how this might be confusing. In the Wizarding World the people you knew in school definitely influenced what jobs you were able to find. One's lot in life was most certainly determined by one's birth. Most Muggle born had to do extremely well in school an befriend the right people in order to achieve anything more than a menial position. Due to the enormity of the Muggle world, it didn't take quite the same amount of work, and I explained that to him.

"I was simply in the right place at the right time," I concluded. "I needed a place to live and a job, Kestor needed a gainfully employed roommate."

"Kestor?"

"My well connected friend with an uncle in the restaurant business who happened to be in need of an assistant chef. Kestor has a very close extended family."

Nodding in semi-comprehension, Remus quickly surveyed the rooms. His gaze fell on the drum kit. "And it was Kestor who got you interested in music?"

"You could say that," I answered with a smile. "He was in a band, and the former drummer taught me how to play for entirely selfish reasons. He wanted to play guitar."

"I see you have one of those as well. Do you know how to play?

"No, I'm just trying to learn. And besides, I'm quite happy playing drums for the band."

There was awkward silence again, neither of us quite knowing what to say.

Finally, the werewolf broke the silence, asking what had been nagging him for the past while. "So you're involved with Kestor?"

There were no grins this time, not even bitter ones. This was a topic I normally wouldn't broach. The rest of the band normally considered it taboo. "Two years ago we were," I said cautiously. "A bad choice on our part, but certainly not the worst I've made."

"Things ended badly?"

I snorted. "No, no really. Not compared with the rest of it. The ending was rather anticlimactic. No the ending was he best part. After the awkward period that succeeds break-ups I had my friend back."

Remus nodded in agreement. "I understand that. The same thing happened to Sirius and I over a girl during school."

A wave of momentary nostalgia washed over him before the mention of my godfather's name reminded him of something.

"You're going to have to tell him at some point, you know."

"You mean you're not going to tell him yourself?" I asked incredulously.

"I said before that if you explained to me why you left I wouldn't tell anyone. It's simply not my place." Remus patted me on the shoulder and turned his wheelchair around to leave. "I have one word of advice to you, though. Tell him soon before anyone else knows. How do you think he would feel if he learned from someone else that his own godson had been living close by and hadn't even bother coming by to say hello?"

Remus left, leaving his words ringing in my head.

I absently scratched Chie being his ear while I considered the werewolf's words. Unbeknowst to me at the time, those words were going to prove true in a completely different relationship. For the moment, however, I simply didn't want to think about it. It only served to remind me of all the lies I had been living.

Chie was staring to curl into my thigh, comforting me again, when there was a knock on the door.

I was half expecting another surprise, and I wasn't disappointed when who was at my door but Severus Snape.

"Albus requests your presence in his office," he said brusquely.

'And you came all of the way over here to tell me this without ulterior motives?' I wanted to ask.

Instead I let Snape lead the way with Chie following behind me.

We reached the Headmaster's Chambers, Severus said the password and we entered. I was ever more surprised to find Albus with his nose buried in a book, not at all expecting us.

"I brought Professor Ethan, as you asked," Severus said, and for a brief moment I imagined Albus giving him a knowing smile.

"Very well my boy, thank you. You may leave now."

Severus nodded and was gone.

"I'm sorry you had to see me like this," Albus apologized, putting on his half moon framed glasses. "You know how it is with a good book, though. You just don't what to put it down… Lemon Drop?"

"I'm fine."

"Shame… now, Ethan, I was hoping you could tell me what your plans are for the Holidays."

You know how some people like hypothetical questions? 

Well there's the one, "What did moths fly into before there were light bulbs."

I have a new one for you:

"What did gnats fly into before there were computer screens?"

Honestly!  I'm at a friends cottage, and I was just fixing this up a little after I got it back from my Beta, and I swear the entire gnat population of the surrounding area has relocated itself around me and my laptop!

Don't bother feeding the author, give him insecticide!

                The incentive to give me bug spray:

1) A possible confrontation with Sirius in the next chapter.

2) The promise of extreme Snape-y goodness a few chapters from now.  *Wink wink*

Also, a few brief questions pertaining to the chapter with Snape-y goodness:

1) If you know Tom Petty's music, out of the songs Last DJ, Last dance with Mary Jane and Free Falling, which one do you like the best?

2) Smashing Pumpkins, the Red Hot Chilli Peppers or Cold Play?

3) Violent Fems, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, or the Dandy Worhols?


	15. XIV: Troubleshooting

AN:  And this would be the wonderful beta-ed version.

Every Christmas, a certain number of professors must remain at Hogwarts to watch over the students who elect to remain during the holidays.  The number of professors remaining, of course, is directly proportional to the number of students. 

                That Hagrid, McGonagall, and Albus would stay was granted, as was Severus' presence, because I cannot remember a year where he didn't.  In addition, however horrible this might sound, it seemed very impossible for Snape to have anyone to go to.  He had no living family, and it didn't seem he had very many, if any, close friends.

                I thought it was given that three Weasleys would return to their family.  Their large Christmas gatherings were something of a Legend.

                The remainder of the professors, excluding perhaps Sybil, would go to relatives and friends as well.

                And what were my plans for the Christmas holidays?

                I left for my chambers after an extremely brief meeting with Albus.  I had told him that I planned to spend most of my holidays at Hogwarts, except for Christmas Eve, the weekends and New Year's, though I wasn't entirely certain.

                It was nice to know I was needed at Hogwarts over the vacation, but that brief chat with Albus only served to remind me of what I was planning to do on New Years Eve.

                There would be a band contest, which I'd offhandedly mentioned before.  It's the crowd at the bar each night over the course of the year that decides the three bands that will play, so the more gigs you do there, the better your chances of getting picked.  Fortunately, our band had won unanimously last year, so we were guaranteed a place, though it didn't stop us from playing there.

                Each band would play one cover song from each of the six categories; classic rock, alternative, punk/ska, Metal, something uncharted, and the bands choice.  In addition to that, they could choose another three songs from any genre, and the audience would choose which song they would play.

                At the end of the night, the crowd voted on there favourite song from each category.   The bands with the most votes in a category got a point, and the group with the most points won.

                Last year we'd won with Aerosmith, Sevendust, the Black Rebel Motorcycle club and Bush. 

                This year there were supposed to be scouts from small record labels.  Not anything big, but enough to get noticed and maybe signed.

                I didn't really want this as much as the others, having taken a small aversion to fame, but I'd do it for them.  Unfortunately, their desire led to several problems.

                Playing in the contest meant knowing the music we would be playing, and also practicing it.  Practicing it meant having a copy of it, as well as a way to play it.   Playing meant having spare time.  While I had a rough idea for each on of these problems, I didn't have any definite solutions.

                What I did have was a month to solve them (though I didn't really want to take that long) and then another month to put the solutions to work.

                Of course, getting the music would be easy; I just needed time to do it.

                Basically, the biggest problem for the moment was finding time to do everything I needed to.

                This, fortunately, was also the easiest problem to deal with.  My distinct lack of time was due to those pesky defence classes I was stuck with teaching, the promised Duelling Club and the final Hogsmeade right before the holidays that allowed students to buy their family's Christmas gifts.

                I could easily beg off the Hogsmeade trip, seeing as how I was staying to supervise over the holidays, and there were other teachers who could take my place.  I needed that weekend to practice with my band because it was getting close to the concert date.

                The Duelling Club, which was currently on Friday nights, could easily be moved to Thursday nights, giving me the full weekend to do what I wanted.  In addition to the extra time for myself, I was giving Severus his weekends back, worming myself into his good graces.  Why exactly this was so important, I wasn't sure, but it certainly was an added bonus.

                Finally, I did have four bright students willing to help me grade papers and do class prep.  If I did the older grades during the week, and gave the younger grades to my victi… volunteers, that was more weekend time.

                With all the extra time during the weekend I could practice with my band, as well as learn the music we would be playing.

                There.  I little brain storming and all of my problems were solved but one.   Once I had the music we would be playing, I still had no way of getting an electronic CD player to work within Hogwarts walls.

                Sure, I could have gone to Hermione to work the problem out, but it offered no guarantees.  What it did offer was the promise of many sleepless nights, a lot of frustration from one failed attempt after another and the wrath of an extremely jealous Ron, despite his knowing that I didn't swing that way.

                The only solution to this final dilemma that made any sense at all was the only one I really didn't want to think about at the moment, but no my conversation with Remus was at the forefront of my mind, and his parting words were starting to nag me.

"Tell Sirius before anyone else knows.  How do you think he'd feel if he found out after everyone else?"

Those words held more than a grain of truth to them, and as much as I despised the idea of a confrontation with my Godfather, Remus did make a valid point.  He needed to know, and no one could tell him for me.

I will be the first to admit my reasoning for finally going to Sirius wasn't entirely unselfish.  In addition to saving myself trouble down the road, and a worse confrontation, once he forgave me, Sirius could help me with my CD player.  He had experience with Muggle technology.  He was the man with the Flying Motorbike, for Merlin's sake!

But neither were my reasons wholly selfish.  Sirius was my Godfather, and the closest thing I had to family.  It's one thing to cut ties with friends, but it's quite another to try and do so with family.  You can't choose them, and no matter what, you're stuck with them.

I decided, with that wonderful burst of logic that I could go to the Black Estate that weekend, and I was actually looking forward to seeing family again… but first I had to survive tomorrow's classes, and the next day's and the day's after that…

As well as a conversation with Severus.

~*~*~*~

I decided to forgo breakfast in the Great Hall and cook for myself the next morning.  I was a little sceptical, because I didn't have a lot to go with, and hadn't cooked anything since the summer, but my misgivings at my culinary abilities were outweighed by my misgivings of going to face the student population after last nights little confession.

After a barely passable breakfast, mostly due to the lack of ingredients, that almost made me regret not dining with the faculty, and a quick shower, I changed into clean robes and made my way to my classroom, nearly tripping over Chie  on the way as I navigated through the throng of students.

My first class after my outing à la Ron was a group of sixth year Hufflepuffs.  I had a lesson planned for them, on the subject of Harpies, but part of the way through I was somewhat interrupted by one of the students.  He wasn't truly causing any problems, but I could see he desperately wanted to ask me a question.

"Yes Mr. Jamis?" I asked, pinching the bridge of my nose and turning away from the class.  I was starting to get a headache and I had a feeling I knew where this was going.  "Would you like to say anything?"

"Are you really… um… an… a… h-h-homo…"

Several students snickered at his stuttering, while the rest were holding they collective breaths, waiting for my reaction?

"Am I gay?" I finished for him, turning back around to fix my narrowing gaze on the room.  I was trying to discourage this topic.  "Yes, I am."

Most of the class gasped in unison at my bluntness.

"So you're saying you enjoy sleeping with other men?" a muggleborn girl asked shrewdly.  She surprised me by being even more direct then I was.  She wasn't very adept at hiding the disgust in her voice, however.

"I don't believe this has anything to do with who I sleep with," I replied quietly, barely able to contain the anger.  I fixed her with an icy-glare that rivalled one of Snape's.  When I got over the shock, I added, "Nor is my personal life any of your concern."

I moved to continue my lesson, but she wouldn't drop it.  "But my parents told me that being gay wasn't normal.  That it was wrong."

I sighed at this.  There went my carefully planned lesson, washed away under the tide of misunderstanding.  In the back of the room I heard on girl whisper to another, "I think it's kinda hot."

"It may not be normal," I said clearly, "and it may not be particularly desirable for the survival of a race, but it certainly isn't wrong… Now turn to page 168 of your text.  Read the section on Harpies and write a summary for next class.  And no more talking."

I realized this was going to be a very long week.

~*~*~*~

I gained a lot of respect for my former professors that day.  It even made me re-think my current opinion of Severus… Well, no so much re-think, but come to understand certain aspects of his personality.

I'd have to say the irrational paranoia would have come from his work as a spy, and his snarkiness from having to deal with brats like that all day, every day for only Merlin knows how many years.  I was beginning to comprehend the perverse enjoyment he got from taking away House points.

When I studied with him before the end of the war I'd come to accept his quirky personality.  I even accepted some of the blame for making his life miserable.  Now I think I actually and truly understood it, and I empathized!

God damn it!  I hope I was never like that, or if I ever had children, that they'd never be like that.

I pitied Severus, because he'd probably still be teaching when the next batch of Weasleys came around.  Fred and George were great fun, but only if you were on their side.

I was muttering about the horror of children silently to myself as I walked towards Severus' chambers.  I was going to cancel the Duelling Club that Friday and move them to Thursdays starting the next week, and I figured telling Severus might be a good idea.

My muttering turned into full out profane exclamations when one of the brats all but ran into me while being chased by fellow Housemates.  I was lucky I hadn't dropped anything.  "Great Merlin!  I hate them all with a fiery passion!"

"One to rival the pits of Hell, I'm sure," came the unforgettable wry, bland voice.

I turned to face Severus with a small, involuntary smile.  "Oh, this far surpasses anything Hell could produce."

"I'm sure," he replied before brushing past me.

I couldn't help myself when I blurted, "I'm incredibly sorry if I ever acted this way around my Professors."

"I'm certain they've already forgotten you," he replied, though no maliciously.  "All children are brats… though some never grow out of it."

I have no idea who he was referring to with that final comment, though the name Sirius Black filled my mind.  As for his first statement, I wasn't sure if I should be upset or content.  Had Severus forgotten what a brat I was when I was younger, or had he forgotten what we'd had to go through during the war.

I forced myself to believe that what the older man had, or hadn't forgotten wasn't important to me and called down the hall after him.  "Snape, wait!  I have something to discuss with you."

The potions professor stopped, but fully expected me to walk over to him, which I did.  "And what would you like to discuss, Mr. James?"

Something in his tone made me feel like a misbehaved student, but I managed to ignore the feeling.  "I'm cancelling the Duelling club tomorrow, unless, of course, you'd like to go it alone."

I received a derisive snort, followed by a "Hardly."

"Also, with you approval, I was thinking of moving it to a Thursday night.  This way you'd have the weekend to yourself."

"And I'm certain your reasons are entirely selfless."

"Of course not," I replied happily, "but you consent?"

Severus didn't reply, he just turned and walked away, his robes billowing behind him.

Wonderful.  Now all I had to do was survive tomorrow, survive a confrontation with my Godfather, and get to my friends.  Then everything would be super.


	16. XV: Why Some People Regret Having Childr...

**AN:** Nicely reposted.  Big thanks to Jade R for beta-ing this.  Give me a couple of days to a week and I might have the next chapter up.  Depends on homework, how busy I am, and what I end up doing on the weekend.  (Last weekend was spent in Toronto, so I wasn't around at all to type more.)

****

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**CHAPTER XV**

By Friday I had decided that not matter what Albus did, I would not return to teach at Hogwarts, or at any other school for that matter.  I would go so far as to say children were completely out of the question.  The last three days had served to show me the truth about children as well as keep Argus occupied with late night detentions.  I swore that if I ever heard another question about my sexuality, someone would find themselves hexed six ways from Sunday.

There were a few high points, however.  Many of my fellow professors were beginning to trust me again, somewhat. My guess is that Hermione's acceptance, and Albus' insistence went a long way in helping my case.  I was talking about plants again with Sprout, and even Severus had become a little more civil, though I believe that was because I'd freed up his weekend.

So, when Friday finally came I was moving own the hallway after my last class as fast my crutches could carry me to my chambers, desperate to escape children and enjoy myself.  I changed out of my school robes and into something more comfortable and more…..muggle-ish.  Then I packed a light bag with whatever I would need for a weekend at my apartment.  Chie sat on the back of the sofa, watching me as I did this and looking at me expectantly as though saying, "You're abandoning me here?"

I finished packing and ushered the cat out of my rooms, rubbing his head gently before locking the door.  I was in no way under the impression that the cat belonged to me, and therefore I was not going to lock him in my rooms, though I was fairly certain he could come and go as he pleased.

My first stop was Dumbledore's office.  I was going to follow his advice and tell him I was heading out before hand.  I didn't tell him where I was going, only that I would be visiting a few people.  He gave me a knowing smile, which I didn't understand at the time, but learned later was because both Remus _and _Sirius had been at Hogwarts when Remus had spoken to me.  Albus, along with the smile, gave me permission to leave. "But I fully expect you to be back in time to teach on Monday."

I made my way out of Hogwarts and past the anti-apparation wards before apparating to my small apartment outside Hogsmead to drop off my belongings.  It took me a while to steel myself for a visit with Sirius.  I was going to reintroduce myself to my godfather, but first I was going to pray very, very hard to all existent and non-existent gods that he would forgive me.  After the prayer I apparated a second time to a place I'd only been to once before in my life, but after Sirius had been cleared of all charges, and just before the final battle.

A house elf named Libei let me in, but it seemed like I hadn't come at a very good time, because Sirius and Remus were involved in a full-blown argument.  I absentmindedly stopped Libei from banging her head on the wall as I watched the animagus and werewolf argue.  I currently had more important things to think about than whether or not a house elf was going to knock itself unconscious.  It turned out that in escaping my students I had jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire.

Briefly, I considered leaving them to their argument, but I couldn't bring myself to move.  I stood, transfixed, as I watched them yell at each other.  In retrospect, this was a good thing, because if I had left, I would never have gathered the courage to return.

"What possible right do you have to tell me not to look for my Godson?" Sirius snarled.

"Calm down!  Harry is as much my Godson as your own, but you're being ridiculous."

"Ridiculous, am I now?  If you weren't a cripple I'd…"

I winced when I heard that, and so did Lupin, visibly.  Those words obviously struck a chord with the werewolf, and if he _had been able to stand, I would have been terrified.  Even sitting, he looked formidable at that moment._

"Sirius, stop this," he said bluntly, though the anger, frustration, bitterness and pain in his voice were mixed into a mealy of emotion. "Arguing about this and getting worked up about it won't help you find Harry like you want to…"

"How can you say that so calmly!" the animagus exclaimed, his voice quivering with rage.  "He could be anywhere!  He could have amnesia!  He could be buried six feet underground for all we know!"

Remus was shaking as well, unable to control his own anger anymore.  He tried to compose himself, aware that he would get nowhere if he started to act like a child as well.  "Harry's fine. I'm certain of it. I'm also certain that he will come back to us when he's ready."

"How can you be so certain? How can you know that he's alright and doesn't need out help…?"  My Godfather trailed off and I had a sinking suspicion that he had caught on to the fact that his companions knew something about this.  It didn't help when I saw Sirius' expression change from anger, to understanding, before melding into a mask of contemptuous rage.

He laughed, and it was one of the ugliest things I'd ever hear.  "Great Merlin! You know where he is. You know where he is and you never told me."

I saw Remus' jaw work in an effort to speak, but no sound came forth.  Any capability I had of motion, either to step forward and stop this or to flee, was taken away from me.  I was helpless to easy my own discomfort or those of my Godfather and his friend.  Sirius took a menacing step forward.  "How long have you known about this Moony?"  His voice dripped with venom as he spoke.  "How long have you and Albus been keeping this a secret from me? Why didn't you tell me!"

Remus shook his head and stuttered.  "I wanted to. I truly did, but I couldn't. I made a promise."

"Well, I can tell you know that if you don't tell me where he is I'll have you would of here so fast you'll…"

I was so shocked by this statement that I dropped one of my crutches.  No way was Remus going to be kicked out of his home because of me.  I simply wouldn't let it happen.  The only problem was that I needed my crutch to move, and by the time I'd bent down to pick it up, the argument had resumed.

"Sirius," his friend pleaded. "I can't tell you where he is."

"Why not?" the other growled.

I finally found my voice, my mobility, and my crutch, and I moved forward into the room.  "Because I made him promise not to."

The scene might have been comic, save for the fact that I was part of it.  Sirius' head snapped around and he looked towards me.  I found myself under Remus' gaze as well, and the look of worry and pride on his face clearly said, "I'm glad you came, but you couldn't have come at a worse time."

Sirius looked at me wondering who the hell I was, and how I'd managed to get into his home.  In all fairness, I probably had the appearance of a criminal.  He was about ready to tell me to leave when suddenly it dawned on him.  I wasn't distinctly recognizable as Harry Potter, but when one know what one was looking for hints of my old life could still be seen.

"Harry?" he asked, startled.  He looked at me, eyes sparkling as though he'd one the lottery, or like a dog who'd just been given a bone.  He moved towards me with open arms, and I was prepared to be enveloped in a giant bear hug, but he stopped suddenly in mid stride.  "What do you mean, you made him promise not to?"

I tried to smiles at him, but my weak grin only betrayed my unease.  My Godfather could overreact on small things, and an unexplained six-year absence certainly wasn't small.  "I'm sorry, Sirius," I tried to explain.  "I haven't been back in the Wizarding World for a very long time and I wasn't ready to deal with everyone.  Albus only knows because he conned me into coming back, and Remus has only known since Wednesday when he accosted me at Hogwarts."  I smiled at him a little more strongly this time.  "I came to tell you today, but things didn't really turn out the way I'd planned."

My godfather didn't smile back, instead staring at me and sternly saying,  "You could have told me earlier, before you disappeared."  He paused for a moment, controlling his temper.  "And what do you mean, 'At Hogwarts?'"

I felt my heart sink again.  "I'm a teacher there…"  I struggled for the right words.  "I didn't tell you because you wouldn't understand, and I knew you would act like…"  I trailed off, knowing I'd said the wrong thing.

"Act like what?" he demanded angrily and accusingly.

Remus stepped in to rescue me with, "Because you would have acted like this," but it didn't do much to truly help my cause.

"What do you mean 'act like this?'" he spat.  "You mean angry because my Godson and my best friend, my family, betrayed me, letting everyone know where he was but me."

"Sirius, it wasn't like that!" I cried, completely unlike my self.  "No one else knows."  I was pleading.

Remus chimed in.  "Just calm down, get some air, and then we can all sit down like adults and Harry can explain to you what's happened and where he's been."

"I don't think that's a very good idea, Remus," Sirius replied so deadly calm that I was frightened.  Remus gave him a questioning look.  "Harry said I wouldn't understand, so I don't want to waste his time. I'm going to go get changed, and when I come back, I expect him gone.  Harry Potter is dead to me, and I don't particularly like ghosts haunting my home."

He left, and I blinked stupidly at his retreating form, my jaw hanging.  I had expected a lot of things to go wrong with this encounter, but I'd never expected anything like this to happen.  I'd been disowned.  When I finally regained myself, I half ran, half stumbled, with my crutches, after my Godfather.  Remus stopped me by physically blocking my path.  He shook his head softly and looked at me with sad eyes.  He even apologized to me for something he hadn't even done!  "I'm sorry Harry, but I never thought he would react like that.  I thought there would be a lot of explaining to do, but never anything like this."

"Well then let me go explain things to him!"

Remus shook his head and spoke, his words mirroring Sirius' earlier ones.  "I don't think that's a good idea.  He wants you gone.  I'll go talk to him, make him see reason.  You should just go home and do something a little less futile."

I thought that over and decided it probably was the best solution, at least better than me pleading and embarrassing myself.  Sirius was a lot more stubborn that I was, and he wasn't going to change his opinion any tome soon on my account.  My best chance was to have someone else reason with him on my behalf.

I nodded to Remus.  "Yes, that's probably the best idea."

Remus smiled sadly and watched me leave.  I apparated back to my apartment and called Kestor.  To my disappointment, he wasn't home.  After checking my voice mail I found several messages from him, the last telling me they'd gone off for the weekend to play at a few clubs and to try to get a hold of him during the week.

I had a miserable weekend, spent moping about, wondering what I would do if Sirius didn't forgive me, and less frequently, what I was going to do about the concert.  The only high point is that I learned I could pick up my drums from the music shop, so I was able to amuse myself on them a little.

I received my first pleasant surprise in a while when I returned to my rooms at Hogwarts, for I found Chie sitting on the lap of none other than Sirius, with Remus sitting across from him.  They had been waiting for me all day.  "I'm sorry Harry. Please tell me everything." 

I was unexpectedly enveloped in that big bear hug I had expected before, and for the moment, I was content.

**AN:**         Hey, sorry for the long delay (even though I said I had the chapter ready to be put up).  I don't really have any excuses, but I assure you I haven't given up on this story.  I have another chapter I need to get typed up, and I'm already working on 17th (Which happens to be the one from Snape's point of view filled with plenty of wonderful Snape action). 

I also need to know if anyone is interested in a lemon in this?  I've never written one, though I'm sure I could get help if I actually tried.  I'm just trying to figure out what people want.  Yes?  No?  Shut up and get on with the next chapter?

Either way, I need a response, so please hit the Go button and review.


	17. XVI: When the Shit Hits The Fan

**AN:**                Hello again.  Sorry for the continued delay between chapters, but I've been extremely busy.  Honestly!  Since the beginning of school there have been days where I've been there from 6:30 until 10:00pm.  I assure you I still have every intention of finishing this, I just can't promise when.  Don't expect this to be updated next weekend, though maybe the week after. 

**Disclaimer:**       Lyrics belong to David Usher, Characters and World belong to J.K.R.

Also, thanks to everyone who reviewed that last chapter, and happy birthday to Agar.

So he dies and I'm the joke  
A playdoh mask a million miles to go  
A suped up cock tease with a little twist  
When sex got ugly I'd insist  
Hear you'll empty all I've got  
Fucking's over but I can't stop cumming  
Still born dead or never born at all  
  
When jesus was my girl  
She told me  
When jesus was my girl  
  
It's impossible for me  
Harder even if I turn it over  
I'm not as pretty as I thought I'd be  
Another symptom of my damn desease  
Hear you've taken all I got  
Fucking's over but I just keep cumming  
Still born dead and never born at all  
  
When jesus was my girl  
She told me  
When jesus was my girl  
When jesus was my girl  
She told me  
When jesus was my girl  
  
I'm not as pretty as I thought I'd be  
Another sympton of my damn disease  
I'm not as pretty as I thought I'd be  
Another sympton of my damn disease  
I'm not as pretty as I thought I'd be  
Another sympton of my damn disease  
I'm not as pretty as I thought I'd be  
Another sympton of my damn disease  
  
When jesus was my girl  
She told me  
When jesus was my girl  
When jesus was my girl  
She told me  
When jesus was my girl  
  
I'm not as pretty as I thought I'd be  
Another sympton of my damn disease  
I'm not as pretty as I thought I'd be  
Another sympton of my damn disease  
I'm not as pretty as I thought I'd be  
Another sympton of my damn disease  
I'm not as pretty as I thought I'd be  
Another sympton of my damn disease  
I'm not as pretty as I thought I'd be  
Another sympton of my damn disease  
I'm not as pretty as I thought I'd be  
Another sympton of my damn disease 

**Chapter 16**

"Albus!  I demand that you give me permission to follow this professor next time he disappears.  You may not care, but you're jeopardizing the safety of your students!"

_ "What a ridiculous notion, my boy.  No, absolutely not.  Biscuit?  Tea?  Lemon Drop?"_

_"No!  Albus!  Listen to me!  That man is a spy, or he is at least working for the Neo Death Eaters.  He must be placed under close watch."_

_"And where, child, did you obtain this knowledge?"_

_"It's not knowledge Albus, it's intuition!  That… _kid_, applies for this job, tells us nothing about himself, and disappears all the time."_

_"It's innocent until proven guilty, my boy."_

_"If he's innocent, then why is he hiding so much…?  If you would tell us who he is, where he came from, what his hiding, none of us would be so concerned."_

_"None of _us,_ Severus?"_

_"Albus!"_

_"Absolutely not.  I will not betray my professors' confidence."_

~*~*~*~

                My life at Hogwarts during the week took on a predictable pattern.  I'd wake up, have a shower, eat breakfast on my own, teach classes, have lunch in my class room and correct papers, teach more classes, grade more papers with my four student helpers for an hour, plan the next lessons, practice with my instruments, read, and finally, go to bed.

                There was one night, the week after I patched things up with my Godfather, that I went back to my apartment to call Kestor to arrange a get together for the weekend, and I also had the duelling club, but other than that, my days were very repetitive.

                There was always the weekend to look forward to, however.  I had decided to make weekly visits to Sirius' house on Sunday evenings, to catch up, socialize, and, lucky for me, work on modifying my CD player, so that I could play music for the contest, if I ever found out what it was.

                What I really looked forward to that week was my first visit with my friends in Muggle London since summer.

~*~*~*~

                "Hey!  Look who finally decided to show up!"

                I entered my old flat with my friends waiting for me, somewhat ready and expecting a band practice.  It didn't dawn on them that I was going to disappoint them, because they didn't notice that I hadn't brought my drum kit with me, and I was too tired to comment on it.  It was nearly ten that night and I hadn't slept well the night before.   In addition, it didn't help that Muggle busses were in no way the best way to travel.  I'd used one instead of apparating because I didn't think my friends would understand if I suddenly appeared in front of them in a blinding poof of illogic.

                "Hey guys," I replied wearily, setting down my carry bad.  I was finding it easy to get around on the one crutch now, but I was hopeful that the cast would come off soon.

                "Wow, Ethan," Jordan, the former drummer, began, "Has anyone told you recently that you look like shit?"  That was his idea of a greeting.  He was blunt, and always honest.  "If we'd known the reason for you never returning our phone calls was this serious we could have come rescue you."

                I was about to protest that things were wonderful, but Kestor spoke first.  "His physical state has nothing to do with that.  He just hasn't been getting enough sleep.  The real reason out friend has been so preoccupied is because he has a new love interest."

                "What!" I blurted out.  The idea seemed preposterous.  Unless I'd suddenly developed an interest in minors or women old enough to be my mother, there was no one at Hogwarts for me to be interested in.  Granted, I though, despite his idiosyncrasies, that Severus was one sexy bastard, but he loathed me, or at least who I was now.

                "Come on, Ethan, tell us all about it."

                I suddenly felt a wave of pity wash over me for Jordan.  In our band, Aliston, who played keyboard, Sam, who played guitar, and Kestor, our singer and back up guitarist, were all interested in blokes.  Hanging around with two gay men and two women must have been taxing for him, but he managed to be very patient about it.

                My pity didn't last very long as I was nagged by my friends.  I made a mental note to seek revenge against Kestor for his lies.

                "There isn't anything to tell."

"I'm sure there isn't," Sam replied patronizingly.

"Well, though it breaks my heart to do so," Kestor began nobly and melodramatically, "I support ou to the fullest when you decide to tell us who this lucky mystery guy is.  Just remember, if he breaks your heart, I'll crush his…"

"Kestor!" Aliston interrupted before he could finish.  She had taken it upon herself to clean up out images to make us more appear more 'sellable' to record labels.  She was determined to rid Kestor of his foul language, among other things, if it was the last thing she did.

"Well, now that that's over with, why don't we start playing," Jordan stated, ever the practical one.

"Actually," I decided to confess.  "I don't have any of my stuff here.  I came more to socialize and find out what we're doing about the contest."

"About that…" Jordan began, before Sam cut him off.  "We got the invitation to come play…"

"But we turned it down," Aliston finished.

I looked at them incredulously, but I probably would have believed them if it hadn't been for the slight smirk and the expectant look on Kestor's face.  He was the worst person to keep a secret, and the last person you'd ever want on your side when it came to practical jokes.  He once organized a surprise birthday party for me at my favourite restaurant and then spoiled it by discussing the reservation plans in front of me.  He could have pulled if off, except he proceeded to berate himself in from of me instead of covering it up.

"You guys are kidding."

"Of course we are," Jordan replied, and the rest of the group burst into laughter.  "We could have been there even if you hadn't decided to come."

More laughter there, and I gave them a mock frown.  "Gee, thanks guys.  You sure know how to make me feel important."

"Don't mention it."

Kestor took this chance to jump in.  "I know how to make you feel more important."

"How?"

"A couple of rounds at the pub while we decide on which songs we should play!"

There were four cheers to the affirmative, and off we went.

We didn't really do anything productive there, unless you count Kestor, Sam and Jordan entering into a beer-drinking contest.  For a woman, Sam could certainly drink a lot, and we all chalked it up to her being Canadian.  The contest didn't have a winner, but it did leave Aliston and I responsible for carrying home the three staggering drunks.

The actual decision making process didn't take place until late Saturday afternoon and account of the five of us having to recover from hangovers.  We ended up picking eight songs that we'd at least practiced before because we would have less time to practice before the concert.  We did choose one new song for the uncharted category, simply because Kestor insisted on it.

Our final selections ended up being, Tom Petty's _Last Dance With Mary Jane_, Smashing Pumpkins' _Zero,_ Goldfinger's _99 Red Balloons,_ Statix-x's _Cold_, Pearl Jam's _Jeremy_, and (at Kestor's insistance) Violent Fem's _Blister In The Sun._  The three songs for the audience choice category were, Cold Play's _The Scientist,_ Oasis' _Supersonic_, and the Red Hot Chilli Peppers' _Don't Forget Me._

                Now knowing what were would be playing, I was able to visit Sirius with a new sense of determination, and something to play on the CD player to figure out if it worked.

~*~*~*~

The weeks leading up to the Christmas Holiday proved to be rather uneventful.  Fortunately my classes quieted down a little with no more questions, if not comments, about my sexuality.  I even managed to obtain a Bogart for my second and third year classes, re-enacting the lesson Remus had given us.  The children certainly had some interesting fears, and interesting ways of making them ridiculous.  I must admit, however, that none quite as spectacular as Snape dressed in Neville's aunt's hat.

McGonagall was not too impressed when she heard that one of the Hufflepuff students was terrified of her and had given her Albus' white beard.  Remus and Sirius howled with laughter when I'd told them the following Sunday.

Aside from the Bogart, however, the rest of the practicals we had were done either with illusions or controlled configurations.  It seemed that Charlie wasn't nearly as fond of odd and interesting creatures as Hagrid, so my supply of possible subjects was somewhat limited.

There was one good thing about having Charlie as a professor.  With his multitude of connections, he was able to arrange for a few dragonlings to be brought to Hogwarts for a week.  I had talked to him, and I would be able to use those in a few of my lessons.

My only other plans for my classes had to do with my somewhat vast knowledge in potions.  I was going to do several lessons on poisons, the magical or herbal antidotes, as well a few counter curses and potions.  None of this was going to happen until after Christmas, however, so many of my lessons weren't all that interesting.

Luckily, I had several people to talk to during the mealtime.  Ron had finally come to believe I wasn't interested in his wide, and so I benefited from his company now, as well as Hermione's.  In addition to that, the plants Sprout had lent me were thriving, which prompted several discussions.

I even managed to draw the stubborn Severus into the conversation, consulting him on who the use of potions, or magic, on a growing plant might affect their uses in potions.  The older man may have been a paranoid bastard, but at least now he was beginning to respect me a little as a fellow professor.  And lucky for him, too, because I was in control of the Duelling Club, and I could use that power to embarrass him in vasious displays of Duelling tactics.

~*~*~*~

"I understand this may not make a whole lot of sense to you at the moment, but there is reason to my madness," I began, standing on the head table in the Great Hall.  Chie was sitting patiently beside me, occasionally rubbing his head against my thigh.  "We've discussed stance, positioning, the necessity of movement, and proper etiquette, but now we're going to discuss grip."

There were several groans conveying boredom, a sound I'd become almost used to hearing in my classes, but I didn't let it bother me.  I'd made it clear from the beginning of the club that you didn't have to pay attention to what I was teaching, but if you screwed up badly enough, you would be kicked out.  The club went on for about two hours, the first half usually being new lessons, and the second half, duelling.  Students were more than welcome to only come for the second half, but it was at their own risk.  Also, if they missed the first half for any reason, they could come to me and I would get them caught up.

"I want everyone here to show me the proper way to grip their wand in a duel."

The students who had chosen to remain did so, and I nodded towards Severus.  We moved through the group of students, inspecting their grips.  Once finished, I returned to my spot on the table.  "I want those of you whom we spoke to to step forward."

Three students obeyed.  Two Slytherins, and a Ravenclaw.  I saw Severus nod slightly to himself, and wondered silently what note he was making.

"Only these three use a proper grip," I said bluntly.  "The rest of you are holding your wands too tightly."

One student protested this.  "But if we don't, it could easily be knocked out of our hands, and if we lose out wands, we've lost the duel."

I'd been expecting that point, and had needed someone to bring it up in order to make one of my own.  "That's not entirely true.  Your opponent needs to have your wand in order for them to be declared the winner."

Severus took over here and spoke to them in his usual condescending voice.  "There is a reason why your Charms and Transfiguration's professors teach your to move your wands in order to cast spells.  It isn't just for the sheer amusement of it."

"If you hold your want too tightly, you won't be able to move your wrist, and your spells and curses will lose their potency," I finished.

"I'd rather my curses lose potency than me lose my wand," a girl stated, and the rest of the group began muttering in agreement.  
                "That's where the reason to my madness comes in," I said with a laugh.  "I'm a firm believer in teaching you things the right way the first time instead of teaching you an easy way that will lead to developing bad habits later on.

"I promised to teach fourth years and up a little bit of wandless magic.  Mainly accio.  That spell is invaluable when if comes to duelling.  If you can perform that spell with ease, it won't matter if you drop you wand, because you'll be able to get it back faster than they can."

This seemed to go ober well with the students, and there was much talk of their wandless magic lessons, as well as what other spells they might be able to master.  I smiled to myself as I went around teaching them the proper grip.

I didn't get any questions about this until a fourth year student came over to mw while the other students practiced their newly learned skills.

"I understand that having a loose grip is a good idea, and how wandless magic can help you get your wand back when you drop it, but wouldn't a firm grip be better if you were hit with expelliarmus?"

I sighed.  It was a decent question, but the poor kid obviously didn't know what expelliarmus did.  "If your holding your wand too tightly and you're hit with that curse, your opponent is going to get your wand, and you're going to go flying.  If you have a loose grip, you won't be hurt as much.  If you're hit with expelliarmus, you're going to lose your wand either way."

"If you're hit with your expelliarmus, you shouldn't be duelling in the first place," came the sardonic voice from behind me.

I turned around and glared at the older man as the student ran off.  Severus' belittling of students had bugged me while I was at school, and now that I could do something about it, it bugged me even more.

"Do you enjoy debasing your students?" I snapped.

I received a wry smile.  "I paid to teach them, giving them false praise would cost extra."

I looked Snape over.  Sure, I thought he was sexy as hell, and I knew that he could be nice if he wanted to, but he was still a bastard. 

"You know what Muggles say about people like you?" I asked, keeping my voice pleasant and cheerful.  "They say you need to belittle other to make yourself feel worthy.  Do you feel worthy now Snape?" I asked, my voice hard, " Because that kids going to feel like shit for the rest of the night."

It was so hard to remember the real Severus, the one I'd know when I was training for the war, when he was acting like this… or when I was on the receiving end of his glares.

"My job is to prepare them for the real world, not coddle them."

~*~_Flashback_~*~

_"Professor, why do you always treat Neville so badly?  The only reason he fails in your class is because he's terrified of you."_

_"My job is to prepare students for the real world, Harry, not coddle them."_

_"But if you went a little easier on him, be might be able to learn something."_

_"I didn't say my job was to make them learn.  I still get paid either way."_

_"That's horrible!"_

_"Perhaps, though if I were teaching a different class, I may have taken another approach.  The art of potion-making is lost to most.  They won't retain any more from this then how to brew a burning salve or a painkiller.  The least I can do for them is help them learn that the world isn't the happy place the Headmaster paints it to be.  What good would if do if everyone thought this war could be settled over a cup of tea and some lemon drops, or if the students were all slaughtered by Voldemort and his followers for being too trusting right after graduation?"_

_"I guess than makes sense, but what about the house points?"_

_"That's revenge."_

_"Against whom?"_

_"Your mangy Godfather."_

_~*~End Flashback~*~_

I looked once more at Snape.  I didn't understand his reasoning anymore.  There was no more war, and there were better ways of preparing students for the real world.  I turned away from him, muttering, "Asshole."

"The muggles also have a saying about big words, Professor," Severus replied, leaving me to fill in the rest.  
  


~*~*~*~

My weeks were thankfully quiet after that.  There was the Halloween feast, of course, but nothing as spectacular as a Troll in the washrooms occurred.

My weekends remained productive.  I practiced with my band, went drinking, and by the beginning of November, I had myself a magic friendly CD player.

By the end of November, students were looking forward to the Holidays, I was preparing midterm tests for my classes, and Six Feet Cold was nearly ready for the band contest.

There was a small hitch with my plans, however.

I spent the last weekend in November at Hogwarts, grading papers.  The weekend after that, I spend Sunday night at Sirius' home, not returning to Hogwarts until just before classes.  The third weekend was a Hogsmead weekend, and the threatened attack came.

I wasn't there, being in Muggle London with my band mates instead, so I only know the details.  Somehow, the attackers knew where the professors would be, and how best to detain them during the attack.  Charlie, along with a dozen students, and one Hogsmead resident had been injured.  At the end, the attackers, wearing white masks, had sent the Dark Mark into the sky.

The Daily Prophet called them Neo Death Eaters.

At Hogwarts, many of the Professors thought I was to blame.

~*~*~*~

"Albus, I understand what you're saying, but couldn't you just tell them who I am and clear this all up?"

I was tired of lying to everyone, tired of being shunned, and the Headmaster had just tried to convince me that I should stop leaving Hogwarts to ease the minds of my fellow professors.

I, of course, didn't like that idea.

"Absolutely not," he replied.  "Now that we know what we're dealing with, we don't want to spoil the surprise."

"Surprise?" I asked incredulously.

"Yes.  Our enemy is a band of Death Eaters, or a group, most likely with a leader styling himself as the new Dark Lord, of Voldemort's heir.  Who better to defeat them that The-Boy-Who-Lived.  If we tell everyone who you are, we will have lost our secret weapon."

"Knowing ho I am might frighten them away," I retorted.

"No, the best idea would be to stay here."

I threw my hands up into the air in frustration.  There Albus went again!  He was always right!  "I've spent the last six years trying to forget everything.  I'm not going to let you manipulated me, Albus.  "I'm leaving and you can tell the others whatever you want."

Storming out of the office, I ran into Ron and Hermione.  I got a cold reception from the former, and a pitying glance from the latter.   I glared at both of them.  Ron blamed me, and Hermione still believed in a manipulating bastard.

I threw my hands up into the air again, let out an exasperated sigh, and stormed to my rooms.  My storming was a little hindered by the fact that, while I was no longer on crutches, I still limped.

_Stupid Headmaster thinking I would put my life on hold for him!_

~*~*~*~

_"Headmaster?"_

_"Very well, Severus.  If it puts your mind at ease, you may follow Professor James, but I warn you, you'll be disappointed by what you find."_

_"I strongly doubt it."_

**AN:         **Well, there's another chapter.  Please review and tell me what you think.  I'll love you forever if you do.

Also, I've decided I'll try and write a lemon for the next chapter, but I'm not going to post it on FF.net.  If anyone is interested in reading it, you'll probably have to e-mail me, since I don't have a site, or, if someone is kind enough to host it…  *hint hint*…


	18. XVII: Rein Raus

**AN:** Wow… I'm back after nearly a year since my last up date. You wouldn't believe the number of reviews I've gotten in that time. It's amazing, and I love you all for it.

Brief reasons for my absence. Mainly personal issues. I was in the hospital off and on. School was a pain because I actually needed the marks to get into university, and I was working insane hours.

The good news. I'm a little more stable now. I've got some free time. My stepfather isn't as bigoted as he once was, and I'm getting married in December. I'm very happy about that.

Anyway, I hope this was worth the wait. It isn't beta-ed, but it should be alright. I might go over it later. If anyone wants to beta it, just e-mail me. For that matter, if anyone wants to just talk, you can e-mail me, or use AIM, though I'm not on there much now. eniverment (at)hotmail .com , or AIM: enivrement. Just put Six Feet Cold in the subject line or I can't guarantee I get it.

Hope you enjoy, and thank you for the reviews and support.

**Chapter XVII**

Rein Raus

He stalked down the hall after leaving the Headmaster's office, cloak billowing behind him in a manor none of his peers had ever been able to duplicate. It was an art he prided himself on.

He was plotting, of course. Having Dumbledore's full permission to trail Professor Ethan James, Severus was ready to begin spying in earnest. In a way it was a sort of game for him, something he had sorely missed since Voldemort's fall. One of the very few things he missed, actually. There was something thrilling about the secrecy and, though he was loathed to admit it, the recklessness of it all. It almost made him feel alive.

He entered his chambers and slumped less than gracefully into his chair. His back was sore, and though he wasn't one to complain, he felt like he was getting old. At forty-two he was, at least in the wizarding world, still a child compared to others, yet if he went by Muggle standards he should be well on his way to a midlife crises.

He snorted a little at the thought. He could hardly imagine himself moping about wondering if he'd made the right choices in his life. He had too much occupying his time to consider things like that. Besides, there's no use crying over spilled milk. It only led to self-doubt and misery. He was much to smart to let himself fall into that trap.

Not wanting to get trapped into dwelling on bitter thoughts, he turned his mind back to the task at hand; Professor James.

Half of him feared that Ethan would be bright enough to know not to give up his location by returning to his fellow Neo Death Eaters. The other half didn't have that confidence in his fellow, and he was fairly confident that the younger man would want to warn whoever it was he was working for that he was under suspicion, whether it be by meeting with him, talking to him through flue or using owls.

He was going to watch Ethan using a unique sort of… 'tracking device.' He had in his possession several small demons, or spirits to be precise. Some of these spirits were able to track the movements of whatever they were set on, not by anything visual, but by recording magical signatures. Each place and individual, with a few exceptions, had its own distinctive signature, and Severus was blessed with the gift to, with a lot of concentration, interpret, visualize and, in some cases, manipulate these signatures.

He smiled a bitterly at that thought. He'd tried to teach Harry how to interpret the signatures, but the boy was abysmal at it. It had taken Severus nearly two weeks of wasted effort to realize why. The boy's own signature was constantly changing. Only small alterations, but they continued to build on one another until he couldn't recognize it. In addition to that, the boy seemed to change the signatures of people, places and things around him. In the two weeks of changing, Harry had managed to distort nearly every signature in Severus' chambers; things that had taken him months to memories. Needless to say he had moved the boy's lessons to another room after he realized that.

Sighing and dragging himself out of his reverie, Severus summoned one of the spirits to him. They were mischievous creatures, and spying was more of a game for them than it was for him. When one finally came to him, dancing in the air around his head, he gave it the target, and sent it on its merry way. He briefly wondered if he should send several to follow the professor. He's sent one as soon as Ethan James arrived, but it stopped answering his summons shortly after. He decided against it, not wanting to waste the demons. If the one he sent did disappear, it would be a shame, but at least he wouldn't lose more than one.

Severus pulled himself tiredly out of his chair after that, and glided over to his cupboard to pour himself a glass of wine. Even alone, his movements were graceful. He headed back to his chair and summoned a book he'd already read more times then was necessary and settled himself for a long period of waiting.

--

Severus' eyes opened and he was immediately awake. He took in his surroundings, and was surprised to find he had fallen asleep in the chair. The wine glass was empty, and had fallen harmlessly to the carpet. Hovering around his head was the little demon, ready to report. Checking his watch, he realized that it was hardly past ten. Shaking his head he berated himself. He's getting too old for this time of thing, falling asleep so early.

It took several minutes for the demon to give him all of the information, but it soon became clear where Professor James was. It was in a neighbourhood Severus himself had frequented quite a bit during his days as a Death Eater in Muggle London. The neighbourhood was certainly less then reputable.

Heading towards his wardrobe, he dug around a little in search of the Muggle clothing he'd worn when he was younger. He eyed it as he pulled it out, wondering if it would still fit him. He also questioned his sanity. What was he thinking when he'd bought leather pants?

They were the only things he had to wear however, and he was pleasantly surprised to discover they still fit, no enlarging charms required. Next on was the black dress shirt. Eyeing himself in the mirror (a wonderfully silent one) he sneered at himself. All of the black was contrasting with his skin and making him look paler than he actually was. In his opinion he looked like a corpse, but there was little to do about it.

One last glance into the mirror and he was out his door, stalking out of the castle and past the anti-apparition wards, and then he was off to London.

--

Despite having his demon tracker with him, Severus still managed to apparate far to closely to a wall than he was comfortable with. A few more inches to his left and he would have been partway stuck in the outer walls of a muggle pharmacy. That risk was why young wizards were forced to go through so many tests and lessons before they were allowed to apparate, and also why it was so important for them to know the location they were heading to very well.

It shouldn't have been a problem for Severus. He'd started apparating well before he was of age. And even if it had been a long time since he'd last been in the area, the signatures didn't change over time. They stayed, for the most part, completely constant. In addition to that, his demon had returned to him with an exact copy of the damn thing!

Severus took a few minutes to straighten his clothing and compose himself. He schooled his expression into his normal scowl. Truth be told, he felt a little self-conscious without the ability to pull his cloak around his body. Something about the gesture was oddly comforting for him. Maybe it was simply because the black cloak provided warmth; more likely because it was very much like the shadows he was used to hiding in… familiar surroundings and the like.

Now, for surroundings that weren't familiar… Severus remembered this particular area of Muggle London being used for various Death Eater meetings during Voldemort's first rise to power. He'd even been in the building where he'd tracked Ethan James to. Old, dingy, pretty much falling apart. And that's how the building appeared on the outside. Pulling his invisibility cloak, or rather the one that previously belonged to the estranged Harry Potter, he stepped inside…

…And received quite the shock. The difference was unbelievable. Instead of rotting floor boards and a few tables, not to mention the Neo Death Eater members he was expecting to see, there was a large bar in the centre of the room, as well as three stages set up in the four corners of the room opposite the door he'd just entered.

It wasn't a meeting. It was a Muggle club!

Severus was dumbfounded.

Surely he'd found the wrong place. It was a logical assumption. After all, something _had_ skewed the signatures of his landing point. He would just turn around, leave, and try one of the many other buildings in the area. Better yet, he could send one of his daemons to scout of the place, and find where it actually was…

And then he saw him; the professor who was most certainly a Neo Death Eater. Ethan James was on the stage across from the entrance, twirling drumsticks in his hands, talking absently to a rather attractive, leather-clad man.

So that would explain the racket in his room at night, Severus concluded. By stroke of ill luck, it turned out that James' room was right above his at Hogwarts. It sounded like things were being thrown around half the time, and the other half it was deadly silent. Snape had always wondered what was going on in there so late at night. 

He was about to leave, feeling rather foolish, when the lights went out. With his hand near his belt, ready to whip his wand out at any moment, Severus readied himself for an attack.

It never came. Instead, a bright light flashed on to spotlight a middle-aged man who looked like a drugged out rocker from the seventies standing on the bar. A cheer went up in the crowed, and abruptly the Potions Master was ready to believe again that it was a Death Eater Meeting. Everyone was just very well disguised as the things they loathed the most.

But he was wrong again.

"Ladies and gentlemen," the man exclaimed, producing a few muffled snickers in the room. "I am pleased to announce the beginning of the twelfth annual Battle of the Bands!"

The cheers became even louder now, and on the three stages the particular bands were jumping around and making catcalls at each other. Even Ethan James was at it. He looked much younger there than he did in the severe teacher's robes he usually wore. Severus was a little dumbfounded.

"On my left we have the talented and lovely Naitsu Aisu." A group of four girls stepped forward and bowed, blowing kisses to the audience. They were all dressed in ragged blue and white clothing that was a little too revealing for Severus' taste. "To my right we have delinquents from Torment." This group wasn't nearly as enthusiastic, greeting the crowd with obscene gestures. "And finally, back by popular demand, your personal favourite, and winners of last years competition, Six Feet Cold!"

The cheering was the loudest this time, and the band members did everything they could to encourage it. In Severus opinion it looked as though his fellow professor was having the time of his life. Contrary to his ornery nature, Severus found himself pitying the younger man. He wasn't meant to be teaching (aside from the fact that he was abysmal at it). Ethan James was meant to be here, in the Muggle world, doing what obviously made him feel alive. It was almost a shame that Dumbledore had found a way to con James into teaching.

_Only almost though, because the man certainly looked good in tight…_

Severus stopped mid-thought. It was a bad idea to think of fellow professors in a sexual manner. It made working with them much more difficult, and not to mention uncomfortable.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Severus went to the rest room, where he then removed his invisibility cloak. Upon emerging, he found a nice seat at a table against the wall that gave him a decent view of the stage 6' Cold was playing on, though not much else. It was a small price to pay for sitting with his back to the wall.

It was partway through the sixth set of songs, seemed like they were all playing hard rock, that Severus decided he'd had a little too much to drink. He vaguely remembered on of the bands, probably Torment, doing a cover of a song by the band Rammstein called Rein Raus. He knew he was a little drunk when he heard some of the lyrics and didn't feel the need to sneer in disgust. Something along the lines of, "Ich bin der Reiter/ du bist das Ross/ ich steige auf/ wir reiten los/ du stöhnst."

It translated roughly into: "I am the rider/ you are the horse/ I climb on/ we ride off/ you moan." Even the title was dirty. "In, Out." His drunken recollection of German helped him to figure that out.

Next it was 6' Cold playing something called Cold. He couldn't remember for the life of him who it was by, nor did he care. It wasn't his type of music. The only redeeming quality about the whole performance was that he got to see Ethan James beating away at his drums, body glistening in sweat (because by then he'd taken off his shirt), intense look of concentration on his face.

It made a very attractive scene, and caused the Potions Master to wonder what his fellow professor would look like in bed.

It also caused the Potions Master to stop drinking completely. Thoughts like that one were never, ever productive.

He decided it would be most prudent to go to the restroom and try to sober himself up a little. When he stood up, however, had had the unfortunate luck to meet eyes with Ethan just as they finished the song. It was amazing the change that came over the younger man. He went from having the time of his life to smouldering in anger. The man's eyes narrowed, his lips tightened, and he looked as though he were ready to kill.

Severus made his way quickly to the washroom, something along the lines of anger making a good aphrodisiac. _I need to drink less and get out more often…_

In the middle of splashing water on his face, he was forced to turn around by a strong hand on his shoulder.

"What are you doing here?" Ethan demanded, his one violet eye sparkling in ire. When Severus didn't answer, the younger man answered for him. "You followed me, didn't you! You thought I was some sort of spy! A Death Eater maybe? Well I'm not! I'm trying to live a double life, yes, but it's none of your business!"

Severus still remained silent. Faced with the accusation, he couldn't really deny it. He just stood there, looked Ethan in the eye, and raised one finely sculpted eyebrow.

Ethan could only tremble in rage, ready to snap, and then he did the unthinkable. He grabbed Severus by the back of the neck and proceeded to thoroughly kiss him. The potions master was taken aback, but didn't resist.

The whole thing might have lasted a lot longer, but then Kestor decided to open the washroom door.

"Hey Ethan, we're on again…" He trailed off, surprised to see his friend making out with another man in a washroom. "I'll just… ah… let you two finish up here… no hurry…"

The door closed, and Ethan took a large step back, bumping into the wall. His eyes darted towards the door as he whipped his mouth with his wrist.

"Don't leave yet," he said coldly, "I want to talk to you still."

**AN:** This was supposed to be longer, but I'm tired, I'm feeling sick, and I want to go to bed. Please review by hitting the button in the corner. Thank you for your patience.


	19. XVIII: Giving In

**AN:** First of all, I want to thank everyone who took the time to review the last chapter, and I want to apologize for how long it took me to get this one up. While life is stable, planning for weddings really should be left up to women, and what with classes and midterms, I haven't had a lot of time to myself. I write whenever I can.

But as for thanking everyone personally who reviewed, I have the feeling it might take longer than it did to write this chapter. I checked my e-mail the day after I posted the last chapter, and I had about fifty reviews. The number of reviews I got astounded me. In all honesty I'm surprised you didn't all forget about me.

As ungrateful as this is going to sound, however, I have a complaint to make. There were several reviews complaining about how slow I was updating. One was downright insulting, stating that even if I was on my death bed I should keep writing. I feel I should mention that during the last year I've been in and out of the hospital a couple of times, mixed in with severe depression, so the comment hit a little close to home. I'm sure the comment was meant to be a joke, but next time could you be a little more careful with what you say?

Bah! I'm sorry for being a such a kill joy. Just enjoy the chapter. Also note, it hasn't been beta'd, so it could be bad.

**Chapter XVIII**

Giving In

Maybe I don't really want to know  
How your garden grows  
I just want to fly  
Lately did you ever feel the pain  
In the morning rain  
As it soaks it to the bone

Maybe I just want to fly  
I want to live I don't want to die  
Maybe I just want to breath  
Maybe I just don't believe  
Maybe you're the same as me  
We see things they'll never see  
You and I are gonna live forever

Maybe I don't really want to know  
How your garden grows  
I just want to fly  
Lately did you ever feel the pain  
In the morning rain  
As it soaks it to the bone

Maybe I will never be  
All the things that I want to be  
But now is not the time to cry  
Now's the time to find out why  
I think you're the same as me  
We see things they'll never see  
You and I are gonna live forever  
We're gonna live forever  
Gonna live forever  
Live forever  
Forever

I honestly couldn't tell you what shocked me more that evening. Seeing Hogwart's resident git in a Muggle club, consuming Muggle alcohol, listening to Muggle music, or the fact that I kissed said git. And not only did I kiss said git, but said git returned said kiss.

My head was spinning, and my band-mates were looking at me as though I'd lost my mind. It's understandable, in some weird, twisted sense… at least the fact that my friends kept giving me curious looks, because I sure as hell couldn't justify my actions. In my six years with them, with the exception of Kestor, I'd never been in a relationship. Merlin! Aside from Kestor they'd never seen me in any sort of sexual situation. It had been a joke at one point that I was asexual. That's just the way things were: love or nothing. Fitting for a man who at one point could have had any person he desired.

Almost.

I'm not sure why I kissed him. Maybe it was something about the way he was staring at me as we played. There was a look of confusion, mixed with the smallest hint of betrayal and, dare I say, lust. A frightening thought, I know. In any case, I was under the impression he was as surprised to see me in a place like this as I was him, though for different reasons I'm sure.

When I confronted him in the washroom, I hadn't planned on what I was going to say. I just wanted to yell at him for intruding on my private life, for ruining my evening, for stalking me… for something. But when he stared at me, his dark eyes boring into me, as if daring me to do something about it… I don't know. I did the only thing I could think of; straight out of a cheap trashy romance novel.

The worst part is, I couldn't simply let Snape leave. I had to talk to him; I had to get things settled. Maybe if we had a nice long… conversation everything would make sense again, and my life at school would be calm again. I could teach in peace, practice my music, and at the end of the year I would be free to return to my quite Muggle life.

My head was still spinning as I made my way back to the stage. I think I might have been half stumbling, because Kestor came to meet me and pulled me towards my drums. "Damn it, Ethan, when I joked around about your new love interest I didn't think it was serious. Snogging in the washroom? Even we didn't do that."

"It's not what you think," I tried to explain., but Kestor cut me off before I had the chance. "So you're telling me he's just a random fan who wanted to show you how much he appreciated our music?"

"No…" I ground out, the conversation not doing anything for my nerves. "It's complicated. He's someone I work with…"

"I hate to be the one to mention this to you love, but he's old enough to be your father, and even if you didn't take that into account, most businesses have a policy involving inter-office relationships."

"I'm not dating anyone, Kestor, how many times do I have tell you!"

"So you just happen to have developed an interest in indecent public displays of affection for men who are twice your age!"

I had to do a double take after he said that. It wasn't that he'd caught me kissing a guy who honestly was twice my age, though he certainly didn't look it. It was the fact that the person I happened to have kissed wasn't him. I nearly laughed in his face. "You're jealous!"

I know Kestor would have denied the accusation, would have cursed me up and down for even thinking something along those lines, and would have then ignored me for the rest of the evening, but Alestor interrupted us, claiming it was time for our second last song. She must have noted the tension between the two of us, because her voice became hard. "There are industry scouts out there right now, and you two had bloody better get over what ever you're arguing about. We're not messing this set up."

Kestor sent a glare my way before heading up onto the stage. I followed quickly behind and sat at my drum set, ready to start. Of course, our second last song just had to be the 'out-there' entry. While it was an amusing song, I can't say Violent Femmes' Blister in the Sun was my favourite. Kestor absolutely adored it. It probably had something to do with the lyrics, "Big hands; I know you're the one." Not hard to imagine what they were singing about. Other than the interesting lyrics, there wasn't much to the song.

A quick nod from Kestor, and Jordan began a simple little melody on his guitar, followed by my drumming, and then he repeated it again. We continued this for a short while, before Sam joined in with the base guitar and Kestor began to sing.

"When I'm out walking I strut my stuff,

"Yeah I'm so strung out.

"I'm high as a kite, I just might

"Stop to check you out."

Because we had Alestor in our playing keyboard we had to find a way to include her. She did her thing in the chorus. We simply added on an equally screwed up harmonizing part to the melody, which went nicely with the equally messed up lyrics.

"Let me go on,

"Like I blister in the sun

"Let me go on.

"Big hands I know you're the one."

Alestor abruptly cut off when the next verse started. It added quite the nice effect.

"Body and beats; I stain my sheets,

"I don't even know why.

"My girlfriend, she's at the end.

"She is starting to cry.

"Let me go on,

"Like I blister in the sun

"Let me go on.

"Big hands I know you're the one."

The pause between chorus and last a while longer this time, and when we repeated the first verus, and when Kestor did start singing again, after a loud, high note from Alestor, only Sam and I kept playing, and Kestor's voice was barely more than a whisper, and so seemingly full of emotion that it was almost cracking.

"When I'm out walking I strut my stuff,

"Yeah I'm so strung out.

"I'm high as a kite, I just might

"Stop to check you out.

"Body and beats; I stain my sheets,

"I don't even know why.

"My girlfriend, she's at the end.

"She is starting to cry.

"When I'm out walking I strut my stuff,

"Yeah I'm so strung out.

"I'm high as a kite, I just might

"Stop to check you out."

His voice was so quiet by the end that when we started the chorus, several people in the audience visibly jumped. It was much louder than before, and this time both Sam and Jordan, on either side of Kestor, forced to lean slightly backwards, had their faces in the microphone with Kestor belting out the absurd lyrics surprisingly on key.

"Let me go on,

"Like I blister in the sun

"Let me go on.

"Big hands I know you're the one."

We ended the song abruptly, in keeping with the rest of it, and it took the audience a while to realize we'd actually finished it. Applause was scattered at first, and though others quickly joined in, I was fairly sure than it wasn't a hit. Yes, it fit the criteria of 'out-there' but it wasn't really good, either. I shared a knowing look with Alestor, but then, seeing how much fun the other three had had on stage, and the looks on their faces when they got off, I realized it didn't really matter. They'd had fun, and their faces were positively glowing with it. That was what mattered.

"Hey Kestor," I called, trying to get his attention. He turned to face me, his eyes narrowed. "I'm sorry about what I said. Can we talk about it once we're finished?"

My friend's face softened. "Sure thing. When we get home after this. You're staying at my place tonight?"

I nodded and grinned. "Sure thing. It's not like I have anywhere else to go."

Kestor grinned back, taking my comment as the teasing it was meant to be, before heading over to the bar to pick up the audience choice votes. He got back and announced to the rest of us that we'd be playing was Coldplay's The Scientist.

I sighed in relief. While I didn't care about which song we played out of Coldplay or the Red Hot Chilli Peppers, I didn't want to have to play Oasis' Supersonic. It could have made a good entry for the category we'd just played.

As we waited for the other two bands to finish their sets, we psyched ourselves up, jumping up and down, and slapping each other on the back. It wasn't until I got up on stage that I was reminded of the task I had after waiting for me after our final set. There was Snape, still sitting at his back table staring at me intently.

It was almost a miracle I made it through that final song without dropping my drumsticks.

I was off the stage and at the back of the club almost as soon as the song was over. Years of physical training in stealth made it easy to get to Snape's table without being noticed. Or without being noticed by anyone but the man in question. He'd been the one to train me after all, though the way he'd been acting at the school nearly made him unrecognizable.

When I slipped into the booth beside him, I was much more composed. I was able to ask him in a level voice, "What are you doing here?"

This time around, it seemed Snape was inclined to answer. "You were suspected of being a spy by much of the staff, and your absence during the Neo Death Eater attack in November doesn't do much for your case. I suggested putting you under surveillance, and the Headmaster agreed."

Still managing to keep my temper in check, I pointed asked, "And when you saw that I wasn't doing anything more than keeping in touch with my Muggle friends you decided to…?"

"This was only one weekend, and as far as I am concerned, you could still be planning to go to a meeting. The night is still young, after all."

"So what are you going to do?" I asked, nearly snarling. "Are you going to wait here, keeping an eye on me to see if I get called?"

I rolled my sleeves up past my elbows and shoved my unmarked arms in front of his face. Unmarked didn't mean unscarred, however.

"Want to compare scars, Severus," I suggested with a sneer. Surprisingly it wasn't very satisfying when the Potion Master's face blanched. I sighed and sat again, rolling my sleeves down. "I didn't think so."

Once again, Alestor took it upon herself to interrupt a conversation. "Are you coming, Ethan? They're going to announce the winner."

I glanced back at the table, but Severus was gone. He was heading out the door. I turned to Alestor and quickly said, "Tell the other's not to wait up," before started to chase after him.

I caught up to him in an alley, as he was preparing to apparate back to Hogwarts.

"We're not finished this!" I said coldly. I grabbed his arm, and without thinking, I apparated the both of us to my small muggle apartment.

"What are you doing?" he demanded coldly, though there was a faint hint of fear in his voice. I doubt he expected me to be as powerful as I was. It took a lot of energy to apparate two people over any distance. By doing so I'd showed him I was on par with him when it came to strength.

"We need to talk, and I'm not letting you go until you hear me out," I ground out. "I don't want to be teaching at Hogwarts any more than you want me to, but I didn't really have a choice in that department."

"Everyone has a choice, James," Snape replied with his almost trademark glare. "It might not be the easiest one, but it's always there."

"I could choose between running away from the life I made myself, or spend a year teaching. There wasn't really much choice if you ask me…" I stopped to think for a moment. "If I told you I was only going to teach for a year and then leave, would you go any easier on me? We've already established I'm not a Death Eater."

"You've told me you aren't a Death Eater, that isn't exactly proof…" I glared at him, and he relented. "Though I am inclined to believe you. That doesn't change the fact that you could have Headmaster's request. He wouldn't force you to work if it wasn't your choice."

"You'd be surprised as to what the Headmaster would do if he wanted to manipulate you," I muttered under my breath, though I'm sure Snape heard me. "I know your hatred for me didn't stem from the fact that I'm too young to be a teacher. Ron and Hermione Weasley aren't any older than me, and you still treat them with respect. The only other conclusion I can make is that you hate me because I replaced your lover."

"My lover?" Snape asked incredulously.

"The previous Defence teacher. Lazeana, was it? I heard she went to teach in Africa."

"She was in no way my lover," Severus snarled. "She was merely a friend and a decent teacher."

"The why were you so prepared to hate me?"

"Because you remind me of someone I used to know…" Severus' voice was barely more than a whisper.

After his confession I almost couldn't breath. I reminded him of someone… Standing so close to him, I had to know the answer. Who was it I reminded him of? I brought my hand up and cupped to back of his neck, fingers winding in his hair, and drew his lips to mine.

The kiss was nothing like the other earlier this evening. It was slower, calmer; it was still filled with emotion, but this time of a different kind. It wasn't long before Severus took control of the situation, drawing my body to his, and pushing his tongue past my pliant lips.

Caught up in the moment, I led him to the bed, careful not to break contact with him.

I don't think either of us thought past the moment, or past the feelings that were welling up inside us. I know my mind wasn't able to focus on anything past the feeling of his lips on my neck, or his teeth at my nipple. Definitely all coherent thought let when his body rocked against mine.

It was slow, and controlled, but there was a hint of desperation in the entire situation that belied the true feelings within it. Though it lasted for seemingly an eternity, it was over before it had ever begun.

----------------------------------

**AN:** Alright, please don't hate me for the ending of this chapter. Like I said, I got a lot of reviews for the last chapter claiming that the kiss was very random, and they could have done with out it. It's one of those things where I know why it happened, so I probably didn't do the best job of explaining it. I'm pretty sure this is going to be another one of those cases where the whole scene is random, and you don't like that it's there. Still, bear with me until the next chapter, where everything gets explained. I promise it will make more sense.

I also promise the next chapter will be up sooner than this one. Maybe in two or three weeks. I finish exams in two weeks, and then the following week is the wedding, and then the honey moon, and then back to classes. If I don't get it done by the three week mark, it won't be up for a while, but again, bear with me. I haven't given up.

Now, with that cheerful note, please review, and tell me if you like the story, hate the story, if you got a new puppy, or if you or someone you know got married recently/is getting married. I need all of the moral support I can get. Just try not to nag for an update. Like I said before, I live for reviews, but the truly insulting ones tend to really depress me.

Oh yeah, Oasis' Live forever are the lyrics at the beginning, and in case you missed it, Violent Femme's Blister in the Sun are the other set. Don't own either.

Ciao

Myan

Review!


	20. XIX: Nevermore

Due to several (and by several I mean a lot) of confused reviews I'm putting in a notice that the beginning of this chapter is a FLASHBACK. I didn't realize it was that hard to see… I've done it before. AN: I only have three things to say before the chapter 

1) I'm so very sorry about this. I know it really sucks.

2) In response to an insistent reviewer, I'm male.

3) My excuse is that I have my last exam on Monday, I'm flying home on Tuesday, I'm getting married on Sunday, and I'm also going to the Caribbean. I promised I'd get the up before all that happened.

On the bright side, it's the longest chapter yet. Nearly twice as long as normal.

Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,  
Though its answer little meaning - little relevancy bore;  
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being  
Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door -  
Bird or beast above the sculptured bust above his chamber door,  
With such name as Nevermore.' Chapter XIX Nevermore 

"Ah, Harry, dear boy, I certainly hope you had a pleasant summer. I heard from Remus that your aunt and uncle were much more accommodating this time around." There was a twinkle in the Headmaster's eyes that showed he knew everything that had happened during the incident between Sirius and his uncle. While Harry couldn't stay with his godfather because Pettigrew was still at large, it didn't mean that the animagus couldn't approach the whale of a man demanding his godson be treated respectfully.

Harry nodded once, though he wasn't actually paying attention to a word Dumbledore spoke. His attention was entirely focused on Fawkes, who was perched on his elegant gold stand. The phoenix was in his prime, red and yellow feathers gleaming, but the bird was crying. _Tears of healing_, the boy thought to himself. _If only they would heal all of the problems I'm having right now_.

"Yes, Professor. Now that I'm of age, they allowed me more freedom to do as I please. I even had the chance to get my apparation licence before coming back to school." It was true, of course, but it definitely wasn't the whole story. While his aunt and uncle no longer tried to get him to do their housework for them, they certainly didn't treat him any better. Instead of physical and verbal abuse, it was a barrage of mental maltreatment. He might as well have been in isolation. There was only so much letters convey, and by the time he'd arrived at Hogwarts he was about ready to snap.

Again, Albus was smiling. "That's excellent, child. I'm pleased to hear that you've progressed so much since last year."

The comment didn't even make sense to Harry's ears, but he was able to get the gist of it; simple response that had been thought up long before the question was even asked. It was nothing more than a pleasantry.

"I hope that with all of this going on you've still had time to keep up with your studies, my dear boy. Your seventh year is by far the most important, and with all of your added responsibilities… we wouldn't want you to fall behind. I'm worried that being both Head Boy and Quidditch Capitan might be a little much."

Harry shrugged at the old man's comment. "As long as nothing untoward happens before the end of the year, I should be fine, sir. Without detentions every night, I have a lot more free time. If I use that for my studies it shouldn't be a problem."

"Oh, I'm certain it won't be a problem dear boy, because I've arranged for you to have tutors during your free time. Professor McGonagall is willing to tutor you in both Charms and Transfiguration, while Professor Snape has graciously agreed to teach you in a variety of forms of Defence as well as a new branch of magic, Occulmancy and Legimancy."

It wasn't the shock of learning he had to take extra classes that had Harry reacting, it was what he had to take. "Legimancy, sir? Don't you think that's uncalled for? I don't think the parents would be too pleased to know their saviour can read the minds of their children at whim," came the sarcastic reply.

"Now Harry, Legimancy is only to improve your understanding of Occulmancy, and how better to use it. I trust your discretion, and I know that you won't use it against your peers… or professors for that matter." The Headmaster's eyes were twinkling again at this comment. "It's crucial that you not only understand Occulmancy, but that you're able to perform it to the best of your ability. Now that Voldemort is aware of the bond you two share, it won't be long before he's able to sense what you're seeing. The fact that he can send you false visions is disconcerting enough on its own…"

Dumbledore trailed off, letting Harry draw his own conclusions. The blame for the ambush the Ministry's Aurours has unwittingly fallen into could almost squarely be lay on his shoulders. His visions had been compromised, to the point of nearly making him delusional. It was difficult for him to tell reality from Voldemorts mechanisms. _Damn the meddling bastard for reminding me of that!_ Harry cursed to himself. "Your point his duly noted, though if you don't mind me asking, Headmaster. Are these privileges being extended to the rest of the seventh year students?"

Albus shook his head. "Harry, as I'm sure you've noticed, you aren't the same as other students. Regardless of how you wish to live your life, you don't have the option of trying to act normal. You've been marked as the only being able to defeat Tom Riddle…"

"_And the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal," _Harry intoned, interrupting the Headmaster. "I've memorized the prophecy, sir, but I shouldn't have to point out that I'm not the only person capable of destroying a Death Eater. I'm not the only one who's mind Voldemort can invade, and I'm certainly not the only one who needs to know how to defend myself."

"No, you're not, child, but having other's interfere with your training could seriously hinder you. You need to be taught to harness your unique gifts. I'm not being deceitful when I tell you the sooner you're ready to face the Dark Lord the sooner the people will be safe once more. I doubt your fellow students would begrudge you these classes if it meant the would no longer have to look over their shoulders in fear every time they step outside."

Knowing that Dumbledore was appealing to his not so secret saviour complex, Harry sighed in defeat. He simply couldn't stand by and watch as innocent bystanders were killed. He would do anything to prevent that, even if it meant sacrificing himself. Dumbledore knew that, and was using it to his advantage. He lost every desire to argue over it. "Very well, sir."

"I've taken the liberty of writing up a schedule for your classes, and if you look you'll see they won't interfere with your other responsibilities." The headmaster was practically glowing as Harry caved in. He passed the young man a piece of parchment across the desk.

Harry read it and frowned when he realized his first lesson would be with McGonagall the morning before the rest of the students arrived at Hogwarts for the start of term. He folded the parchment and placed it in his pocket. "This will be adequate, I suppose. Thank you Headmaster. Now, if you don't mind, I'll be heading back to my room to get my things put away."

The Headmaster smiled again. "By all means. Don't let me keep you. And if there's anything you wish to talk to me about, my door is always open."

Harry smiled tightly in return and headed out the door and down the stone staircase. _Damn manipulative bastard._

Harry left too quickly to see Albus' smile disappear, nor did he see the old man turn to Fawkes with a sad look on his face. "He's going to hate me when this is through."

-------

"That's just rotten luck, mate," Ron declared around a mouthful of food. "You're hardly going to have enough time to eat with all of this stuff you're doing. Head Boy, Quidditch Captain, private lessons, and look at this course load! Since when were you taking Ancient Runes, and you're still in Divinations?"

Ron's eyes narrowed and Harry shrugged helplessly. Hermione had by that time taken the time table from her boyfriend.

"Dumbledore didn't happen to give you a time-turner, did he? Because I don't want to be left out of the loop like I was that other time…"

Harry shook his head, somewhat bitterly. While Ron no longer envied Harry's fame, an occurrence that didn't happen until their fifth year, he still seemed to think it was some great adventure. He didn't understand that _people_ were dying. Not just random statistics or faceless bodies. _People_ were getting hurt.

"I think I'm going to have to resign from the Quidditch team," he said bluntly, bracing himself for Ron's reaction.

"What! You can't do that! Gryffindore team needs you! Can't you drop one of your classes or something, or just tell Dumbledore…"

For the first time, Hermione actually snapped at the red-head. "Ron, you idiot! Of course he can't drop his classes! If you could for one minute think about someone other than yourself you'd realize Harry's doing what he thinks is right. Drop his courses… You have got the get your priorities straight."

Hermione got up from the table and stormed out of the Great Hall before the end of the meal. Harry looked once to his best friend, feeling genuinely numb, and got up to follow her.

He'd really hoped that his last year could have been different from what it was turning out to be.

------

"Thank Merlin! It must be a miracle," came the deep voice from the office as Harry stepped into the potions classroom after dinner on the fourth evening back from school. Snape came out of the office, a perpetual sneer on his face. "Do tell me, Potter. To what do I owe this pleasant surprise?"

Harry glared at his professor, his temper boiling, but he managed to keep his voice even. "You know as well as I do Dumbledore ordered me to take lessons from you."

"Yes, smart boy, but you're actually on time. Surely there must have been divine intervention."

Setting his bag down against the wall, Harry turned a weary gaze to his most hated professor. "Despite what you may think, sir, I'm not my father."

"What an astute observation. Do you expect points?"

Harry ignored the barb, and continued speaking. "Nor am I like my father's friends. I understand why you dislike my godfather, and Remus, sir, but I am not them." He stressed each syllable at the end of his statement. "We have no choice about working together. Dumbledore saw to that. But if we're going to have to work together we're going to have to respect one another. So please. Stop with the insults."

Severus looked at his student in mild shock. He could have expected some kind of outburst, but Potter's suggestion was surprisingly logical. "Very well. I suppose I can give you the benefit of the doubt for now. But I warn you, Mr. Potter. If you put one foot out of line, you will have earned whatever treatment you deserve."

Harry nodded at his professors words, and couldn't help but smile.

-----

"Hey Harry," Ron's voice came up the stairway as he was coming down. "Do you have time for a game of chess?"

The dark haired boy shook his head. "Sorry, I have a lesson with McGonagall, and then we have the Prefects meeting after dinner. Maybe later."

Ron shook his head in disbelief as his friend walked out of the common room. He turned to Hermione with a pained look on his face. "He never has any time for us now, and he's pushing everyone away. What's the point of saving the world if he doesn't let anyone close enough to him to become worth saving?"

-----

"Are you ready now, Harry?" Minerva asked, checking to make sure the boy's eyes were closed. "Just relax, and let your mind go blank. Picture yourself free and evoke the changes we've talked about."

Harry let his professor's voice wash over him as he concentrated on seeking his animagus form. Keeping his mind blank was an easy task, after his lessons on Occulmancy with Snape. He imagined his spirit soaring, much like when he was flying or playing Quidditch. He felt relaxed. He felt free.

He felt excruciating pain. He knew he'd doubled over on his side as his body warred with what form it would take. In all of his talking with McGonagall, he didn't remember hearing anything like this. The transformation was supposed to be painless. It seemed to go on for hours, his body morphing into different sizes, though it was only a few seconds.

Finally, his body assumed a solid form, and he was able to get up off the ground and onto four feet… or rather, paws. Tawny coloured paws. He stumbled a little as he tried to move. He found it really hard to think straight. He was just really hungry now. He did a few circles before catching sight of the woman in the room. She didn't look that good, but she was meat. He took a weak step towards her and growled deeply…

"Harry. That's enough."

Suddenly, he remembered who he was again, and was able to turn back into his human form with very little pain. The first words out of his mouth were, "I'm so sorry, professor…"

"Don't worry about it, Harry. We all get wrapped up in our primal instincts our first change. You'll get over it with time."

"And what about the pain?"

"You felt pain?" Harry nodded. "That's very odd… then again, your transformation was slightly off. It was like you were trying to transform into two things at once…"

"What was my form? I didn't get a chance to look in the mirror. I know I'm some sort of cat."

"You're a jaguar, with the most startling green eyes."

"Does that mean I'm going to have to mark that down as my marking when I register with the Ministry."

"Oh no, child. You're not going to be registering you with the ministry. That's just one more way for Voldemort to track you down. At least this way you have a disguise."

-----

"You're improvement in potions astounds me, Harry. Who knew you could be so adept if you put your mind to it. It's a pity, really…"

Harry turned away from his potion when Snape spoke. "It's amazing what happens when you don't have people throwing extra ingredients into your cauldron. It's almost as miraculous as me being on time, isn't it?"

Severus couldn't help but crack a smile at the boy's statement. After the first few tense weeks they started getting along very well. It could have been that Harry seemed to have matured quite a bit over the summer, or it could have been the fact that the Golden Boy did indeed resign from the Quidditch team to better manage his work load and duties.

After the second month they were able to have conversations with one another, and civil ones at that, and by the end of November, Harry was stopping by to work on his lessons, or brew potions, or to simply just talk when they didn't have a scheduled meeting.

Harry went back to his potion, but immediately set the stirring rod down again. "Professor, do you mind if I ask you a personal question? I'll understand if you don't want to answer, I'm just… curious."

Severus frowned, not sure he liked where the conversation was going. "You're right. I might not answer, but you're going to ask it anyway."

"Why did you become a Death Eater?"

Severus was taken aback by the question. It certainly wasn't what he'd been expecting. "Curiosity killed the cat," he muttered to himself before answering. "There didn't seem to be many other options for a newly graduated student who had yet to gain access to his inheritance. My parents thought it would build character if I had to work for my money a little while before I gained their vast fortune. In addition, the Dark Lord could be very persuasive."

"Call him Voldemort."

Severus' eyes narrowed. "I understand that you and the Headmaster don't fear him, but for someone who served under him once, the idea of calling him that is… slightly more than unnerving."

"I… I'm sorry for asking." Harry went back to brewing his potion silently. Behind him Severus sighed.

"You're wondering if I regret my decision. Do you regret taking part in the Triwizard Tournament?"

Harry opened his mouth to blurt out that of course he hadn't. Cedric had died and Voldemort was resurrected because of it. But if he were to be completely honest with himself, there were certain aspects of the tournament that he'd enjoyed. Harry shook his head, starting to understand his Potions Professor a little better.

"I was a well respected man while I was a member, and I wasn't required to partake in the… festivities. Voldemort required my skills in brewing more than he did in killing. That isn't to say I was spared from witnessing the horrors. That is what I regret. That and working for such a malicious man… That's why I left. I realized the respect I had amongst my peers wasn't worth the price I paid. Or the price other's had to pay for me… I'd like to think I've repaid my debt to society, but…"

"Nothing you can do will give families back their loved ones," Harry finished, thinking of Cedric, of Lindsey, of the nameless people he couldn't save. "It won't change the fact that you were responsible for their deaths…"

Severus shot the Gryffindore boy an indecipherable look. Once again he was seeing the boy in an entirely new light. First he had to come to grips with the fact that Harry wasn't a self-centred brat. Before he could recover from that fact he found out that the brat hadn't been spoiled by his aunt and uncle. Quite the contrary. And now, it turned out that Harry had a hero complex, but not in the traditional sense. The boy simply couldn't come to grips with the fact that he wasn't responsible for everyone.

Severus had hated James Potter with every fibre of his being, but Harry Potter was nothing like that man. It left him feeling very disconcerted.

Severus suddenly had the strongest desire to _converse_ the Albus on this matter.

"I think it's time you head back to your common room. I'll see you on Monday, Harry."

The boy left, his potion unfinished, with a look of bewilderment on his face.

-----

"What were you doing out so late, Harry?"

The dark haired boy cringed when he heard Hermione's nagging voice behind him. He turned around to face the girl who had been hidden in one of the tall backed couches. Tired and annoyed with her intrusiveness he replied with a simple, "It's none of your business."

"It is so my business if a student is involved with a professor. It's my duty as a Prefect to report it immediately to the Headmaster."

"I know what your duties are, Hermione, but I don't see how this applies to me, so if you don't mind, I'd like to get some sleep."

"Harry, I've talked to Ron about this, and he agrees with me. I understand that you can't control who you fall in love with, though I'm sure Ron wishes you could, but to…"

"Wait a minute! You and Ron agree on what? And my feelings for who?"

"You've been out all night for the past two weeks, Harry, and both Ron and I know where you've been. You can try to deny it, but the only person you ever spend any time with now is Professor Snape. I don't care what your feelings are, love is love, but you cannot have a relationship with a professor. It violates so many school rules."

Harry was torn between laughing and yelling at the stupid girl, and so he settled on a mixture of both. "In case you haven't noticed, Herm, there's a war going on right now, and as I'm sure you remember, defeating Voldemort rests on my shoulders. The prophecy ring a bell? I know that you don't have to worry yourself about it, wrapped up in your studies like you are, but I don't have that luxury. People are dying, and it's my job to make sure that doesn't happen any more."

Harry turned away from the shocked girl and made his way to his room. He was well aware that the majority of the students from the house had come out to listen, and that the word about the prophecy was out, but he found he couldn't care. Anything to make his friends shut up.

------

It was the night of the Leaving Feast, and having graduated, Harry had opted for staying in his room. For some reason the cheerfulness and festivities clashed with his current mood.

"Harry, hurry up, we have to leave now!"

The raven haired boy looked up from the notes he was reviewing to see Severus stalking into his room.

_That's strange,_ he thought, _I didn't think other Head's were allowed into our House_.

"Harry, haven't you heard the yelling? Voldemort's attacked the school, and Dumbledore wants all of the students in the Great Hall so that he can port key them out."

Harry's eyes widened. Voldemort was there, at the school, right then. Without waiting for further word from his mentor he ran out of the room. Remembering the castles layout from the Marauder's Map, he took the most direct root to the schools front gate. It was going to be over with one way or another tonight.

------

"So the great Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived, has decided to grace us with his presence this evening. What an unexpected pleasure." Voldemort's snakelike voice cut through the cold air, and Harry had to keep himself from trembling. "What a foolish thing to do… _Crucio!_"

-----------------------------------------------

I woke up nearly screaming from the vividness of the dream. Just flashes of memory, but everything seemed to be exactly as it had occurred. Every biting insult, every argument, every pain… it was just so, _raw_.

It took me a while to remember where I was, and it took me even longer to remember what I'd done last night… or rather _who_ I'd done… several times… My face flushed at the memory.

I looked over towards the other side of the bed and wasn't surprised to see it was empty. Severus had always been an early riser, and he certainly wasn't the type to sit around and way for the awkward silence of the typical morning after.

Then again, he didn't seem like the type to partake in a one-night stand.

I stretched before getting out of bed. I wanted to look around and see if the Potions Master had left me a little note or something. There was nothing. Of course, Severus would most likely try to pretend that nothing had happened, going as far as to ignore my very existence.

Well I certainly wasn't going to roll over and except that. I wasn't exactly the type of person to partake in one-night stands either.

I was all set to apparate back to Hogwarts when another thought struck me rather forcefully. I was supposed to have spent last night with Kestor to apologize for accusing him of still liking me… or something along those lines.

It looked like I was going to have two very awkward moments because of the previous night…

**AN:** Again, I apologize for this chapter, if you made it this far… I'm hoping that you'll be kind enough to leave a review stating what you disliked about this chapter so that I can give a more specific apology in a future chapter.

Also, do me a favour and check out Second Chance. Something I'm writing with Rubberboots. She was so inspired by all of the reviews it's been getting that she's already started on the second chapter.

Press the little go button and review.


	21. XX: Open Mouth: Insert Foot

**AN:** Sorry for the delay in updating. Classes have been hectic. The wedding was excellent, however, as was the honeymoon, and I sincerely thank everyone who sent well wishes. I would also like to thank the idiot who left a review after the first chapter that was rather obscene. I'm quite sure it stemmed from the mentions of slash in the summary, but it was enjoyable to read anyway. One of those reviews with which you use to toast marshmallows.

**Chapter XX**

**Open Mouth; Insert Foot**

I was a very timid man when I approached the door to Kestor's apartment. I was a very surprised man when it wasn't Kestor who opened it, but rather that woman whose skirt he was hiding behind. I couldn't even remember her name. I was a very frightened man when I saw the look on her face. She wasn't very happy with me, which only led me to believe Kestor knew who I'd gone home with. I hung my head in shame and she let me enter, her entire demeanour disapproving.

It didn't surprise me to see Kestor already up and dressed, sitting at the kitchen table drinking tea. If my guess was correct it would probably be Dejeerling. He was always an early riser, and that was always his favourite. Something you remembered after living with someone for so long.

He looked at me, his face showing very little surprise. "So, are you here with your tail between your legs, or do you have an excuse for leaving me there, looking like a complete idiot?"

I made to answer him, not thinking I'd done anything that wrong, but he cut me off. "You didn't even bother to get someone to tell me you'd gone. I waited an hour for you before Jordan mentioned he hadn't seen you around for a while. He thought you'd gone home."

I suppose I could have tried to justify my actions in saying that I'd asked Alestor to pass along my plans, but I still couldn't justify my leaving. I could just imagine how that might go. "Hey Kestor, I'm just going to teleport myself back to my apartment so that I can get it on with that man I was snogging in the washroom. Yes, the one who's old enough to be my father."

Needless to say I decided instead to remain silent. I saw Julie, at least that's what I thought her name was, in the corner of the room, a place she seemed to enjoy occupying, but didn't focus any more attention on her. True, this was between Kestor and I, but she wouldn't do anything about it.

Kestor smirked at me, a sure fire way to know he was pissed. It was one of the most bitter smiles imaginable. "So, at least tell me, was he good in bed?"

I choked at his comment, which was remarkable, because there wasn't anything for me to choke on. "Kestor, I can't tell you how sorry I am for leaving you there, but I don't think my sex life is any of your business."

"Well, you know I normally wouldn't ask, _sweetheart_, but he left a pretty big mark on your neck, so I assume you wouldn't mind people asking you questions about it."

My hand flew up to my neck, rubbing the spot I hadn't known existed. Between the strange dream that kept me tossing and turning all night and Snape, or rather Severus now, being gone in the morning, I hadn't really taken much care with my appearance. I was more intent on settling loose ends and making sure I hadn't screwed up my friendship with Kestor…

Obviously I hadn't had my priorities straight.

"In all honesty, _darling_," I replied equally bitterly, "It _isn't_ any of your business whom I share my bed with. I think you'll agree that you lost that privilege when I found you bent over the couch with Carson behind you. The couch I paid for, mind you."

It was a low blow, and I knew it. Hell, I'd used it to my advantage more than once. Spend a year with someone and you'll know very well which buttons to push to set him or her off. The fact that I'd lived with Kestor for nearly six years only made the task that much easier. To top it off, the Slytherin part of me wouldn't allow me to feel guilty.

Kestor sputtered for a moment, desperate for a witty retort. I'm sure the moment I referred to came to mind easily for him. Kestor had always found sex to be more important that I had. He claimed that sex provided a spiritual bonding with between two people. You had sex with someone to prove you loved them. I was always of the opinion that you had sex with someone because you already knew you loved them, and that they felt the same.

Ironic how Kestor jumped into bed with someone else as soon as things started getting tough in our relationship, and how I slept with someone I knew full well despised me.

Kestor finally managed to stammer out a painful, "Ethan, that's not fair…" and I started to feel sorry for my words. He'd admitted to cheating on me to get back at me for ignoring him, and I'd accepted his apology, thus leading to the anti-climactic downfall of our short relationship.

I hung my head again. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought that up. I did come to apologies for last night and try to put things right, but you had to push me…"

"I just don't understand how you could break things off with me so easily and then take up again with a man you've known for less than four months."

I could have mentioned something trite about soul mates, or the two of us not being compatible, but I decided to hit home. "You know there's things about my past I won't tell anyone?"

Kestor nodded, not sure where I was going.

"That man you saw me with, the one I work with, the one who's 'Twice my age.'" I paused here for effect. "He knows _all of it_; every last detail. There _are _people who know me better than you. I wish to God there wasn't, but there are, and they know things about me that you'd never be able to understand. I hate to have to tell this to you, but you need to accept it. I've tried enough to realize I can't be with someone who doesn't understand that aspect of my life, and I can't get close enough to anyone now to tell them."

It took a while for the words to sink in, but when they did, it was Kestor's turn to hang his head. "So this is it then? You leave now, go back to your perfect little world, and we never see you again?"

I was shocked by his words. It wasn't the reaction I'd been hoping for. "No! I didn't mean it that way. I had no intention of ever going back to my old life…"

I trailed off knowing I wasn't making the best of sense, and Kestor took the opportunity to cut in. "Then what way do you mean it? Because I don't think I can ever be friends with someone who doesn't trust me enough to let me in after six bloody years!"

Kestor got up and headed to his bedroom. It was at this time I noticed Julie again, and I was beginning to regret having the argument in front of her. She'd lost her disapproving look, but only to have it replaced by one of complete shock and disappointment.

"I'm sorry," was all I could say as I let myself out of the apartment I used to share with my best friend.

Strangely, the only thought that floated through my mind was of how much Kestor reminded me of Sirius by the end of that.

------

It was with great trepidation that I returned to Hogwarts following the winter break. Classes started up again the first Monday after the New Year, and I had little chance to speaking with Severus. In all honesty I was fairly certain he was avoiding me, not that I minded. It gave me a chance to actually think about what I wanted to say instead of just walking into a situation that was bound to backfire like the last time.

I must admit it was a miracle that it didn't backfire with Severus. When I tried to talk to him he seemed to avoid me even more. In the end I used the most tactless way of getting his attention I could think of. Well, second most tactless way. I could have stood up on the staff table in the great hall to exclaim, "Severus: we shagged, it was great. Let's discuss."

I had a healthy liking of my life, so I decided on the next most tactless option. The weekend after classes started I followed the potion's master outside, rolled a decent sized ball of snow, and launched it. My aim was on, and it hit the dark haired man square between the shoulder blades. The students outside all but fell over in fits of laughter.

Fortunately, Severus reaction was equally predictable. He spun around to face me; his face contorted in rage, and snarled out, "Professor James, could I see you in my office, _now_."

I gladly followed him, listening to him mutter about how childish I was to have done something like that in front of the students.

Once we were in the safety of his office I put up silencing wards and smiled at him. "To be honest, Severus, I was only responding in kind. It was fairly childish of you to leave in the morning without saying goodbye, and it was equally childish of you to avoid me this past week."

He glared at me, knowing full well that I was in the right.

"Now, we're both adults here, so we should be able to discuss this in a mature fashion."

"What's there to discuss, _James_," he responded emphasizing my last name. He obviously didn't approve of me being so familiar. "We shagged, you seemed to enjoy it well enough. We both got what we wanted, so lets leave well enough alone."

"There is something to discuss, _Severus_. There was obviously a lot of emotion involved, and don't try to convince me otherwise. There was too much emotion for it to be purely physical."

Severus closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Eager to repeat, James? I'll admit there was a lot of emotion, but nothing between us. You were simply a means to an end, and I'm certain it was the same for you."

His words stung in a way I couldn't explain, and I certainly wasn't going to drop this. "I find it hard to believe that you are the type of person to take part in a one night stand, Severus, and I'm certainly not.

"Besides," I added cheekily, "If I was just a means to an ends you wouldn't have fallen asleep beside me afterwards, nor would you have held me all night."

Despite my week of careful planning I could confess now that I didn't have the slightest clue as to what I was doing. I couldn't quite figure out how my plan to talk with him like adults had turned into a plan to get him to jump into bed with me. My brain muttered something about wanting to see if the snarky potions professor actually did cry out if you bit his neck in just the right…

_No! Bad Harry! That's not why we're here._ I was now mentally kicking myself, because if Severus came any closer he would definitely notice exactly how eager to repeat I now was.

"What is it you're aiming for, Mr. James? As an ex_-Death Eater_," he really stressed this words, "I have very little to offer in terms of… compensation."

His eyes gave me a lazy once over, and a sardonic smile played at his lips. "Then again, you don't seem to be the sort of man who would require very little compensation. I'm sure you're quite capable of taking care of your own needs."

I was positive he had insulted me there, but I couldn't quite figure out how. Still, I wasn't going to let him get away with it. "Would it be too hard to believe I have some needs that even I can satisfy? For instance, Severus, it would look very strange for me to try to have a witty argument with myself. For another, I would be hard-pressed to find another person so knowledgeable in the fine art of potions. Let alone one who might put up with my curiosity."

I noticed Severus' lips quick slightly every so often in a genuine smile, though he desperately tried to hide it.

"Are you trying to imply something her, Mr. James?" He asked, a rare emotion flashing behind the taller man's eyes. So rare, in fact, that I couldn't quite place it.

"If you call me Ethan, I might tell you exactly what I'm implying."

"Very well, Ethan, what are you saying?"

Now that was a very good question. I wasn't quite sure what I'd been implying. I was just trying to keep the conversation going while being witty and entertaining. Then again, I was always quick on my toes. "I think it might be mutually beneficial if we were to expand our relationship outside the bounds of co-workers."

Severus snorted. "I do not… date."

I had to stifle my own undignified laughter at that comment. I don't think I was ever really one to date either. "That's very convenient, because neither do I. I was merely suggesting we could try to be civil to one another in public, and perhaps spend the occasional evening in one another's company."

The corner of Severus' mouth twitched up again. "The occasional evening," he murmured to himself. "I think that would be satisfactory. Should I expect you this evening."

Hiding a pleased grin of my own I nodded. "I might see fit to grace you with my presence."

"Grace, indeed…" I heard the potions master reply as I left the room.

Strangely, it wasn't until I reached my own chambers again that I considered this might not be a good idea. If not simply for the fact that he was indeed the _exact_ same age as my father, than because I would be abusing his trust. I thought long and hard about the consequences of my actions, but I still ended up going back down to Severus' chambers that evening. What did it matter that it was a decidedly bad idea. I was a Gryffindore, and consequences be damned.

**AN: **I just noticed how close I am to 1000 reviews. This is pretty amazing, because when I started out I didn't expect to get more than 100. I'm going to start a little challenge here. If I get to 1000 reviews by the time I'm ready to post the next chapter, I'll include a nice little lemon chapter. It's only 64 reviews, and I know there's more than that many people reading this. So…

**64 REVIEWS LEMON SCENE**

**REVIEW**

See the little go button in the corner. Press it, and you'll be rewarded.


	22. XXI: Rising Action

**NOTE **for those of you the link for the lemon has finally been fixed: www dot geocities dot com / lepomplemous / chapter21 dot htm

**AN:** Sorry for the long delay. I lacked inspiration. I found inspiration, and you can find the complete, lemon filled version (as promised) www dot geocities dot com / lepomplemous / chapter21 dot htm

Thank you everyone who reviewed. I'm amazed by how many people actually read this. It's an inspiration, (just not the kind needed to write a lemon . ) I'm curious to see if we can make it to 1100 reviews after this chapter.

On last thing, someone commented that I was holding the story hostage. Not so, because I never said I wouldn't update. I was offering a lemon as reward. I'm just sorry it took so long to get out.

Chapter XXI

With the new term came more work and more problems. The entire school was still tense about the prospect of further attacks by the Neo-Death Eaters. Fortunately, once again my fellow professor's seemed to think I was okay, though whether it was on account of Albus' insistence or the subtle change in Snape's attitude towards me, I'll never know.

I did know, however, that I was enjoying myself much more than I had the previous term. I hadn't seen much of my Muggle friends, and though it saddened me a little, I was able to visit more with Remus and my godfather, and I had Severus to keep me entertained at night.

My relationship with Severus did have me more than a little confused, however. While there was no dating, the whole thing was more than just physical gratification. I was the one who would go down to his chambers at night, and on more than one occasion he was waiting for me with tea, or even wine, and we'd talk for a good portion of the night. Other times, he would be working, and without having to say a word he would put down his work and come join me.

Even after the act, he didn't send me away. I was free to fall asleep beside him, and wake up when he did at dawn. It was only then that I'd return to my own chambers to get ready for the rest of the day.

But then, he never acknowledged me outside of his chamber. We were civil to one another in staff meetings and with the duelling club, but there were never any conversations, or even the secret smiles between two people who were having a very satisfying affair.

So it went beyond the physical, but I don't think either of us knew how far beyond the physical.

The entire line of thought had me so disturbed by the end of the second week that I didn't bother seeking out the Potions Master's company. I stayed in my room that evening to contemplate my navel, and practice on my drums.

To my great surprise, around eleven o'clock Severus' came to my chambers to seek out my company. I hadn't bothered to lock my chamber door, so he invited himself in, a wry grin on his face.

"So this is why it was always so noisy up here," he said settling himself down on the leather couch. "Filch was so convinced Peeves was throwing a tantrum."

I couldn't help but grin at the thought, even though I was annoyed that he'd invaded my privacy. Still, I joked back, "I honestly didn't think I was _that_ bad."

"It must depend on one's tastes," came the silky reply. "I found your performance rather entertaining."

We lapsed into silence; he tried to meet my eyes, I contently stared at his hands clasped in his lap. It was he who broke the awkward spell.

"I must admit I found myself surprised when you didn't come down this evening. I've become used to your nocturnal visits."

I waited for him to continue, because it was starting to sound as though he was disappointed that I hadn't shown, though there was no way he would admit it to himself. He didn't continue, and I started to wonder if my assessment was correct.

"I needed some time to myself to think. You of all people can appreciate the lack of personal time. I needed a night to myself to sort through my thoughts. A lot has happened in the last little while."

I met his eyes, and found myself caught in his calculating stare. This wasn't Professor Snape, resident bastard of Hogwarts and bane of every student's existence. This wasn't even Severus, the man I'd been sleeping with for the past two weeks. No, this was Sev, the man who'd acted as my mentor during my last year at school, who'd helped me keep myself grounded during all of the war. This was the man I was starting to fall in love with, and it had me terrified. Despite my new name and outward appearance, I was still Harry Potter and good things, like falling in love, weren't supposed to happen to me.

Severus must have spotted something change in my face because his own expression hardened. "What did you expect from me, Ethan? I told you I didn't date, and I wasn't looking for a relationship. You agreed to this, with no strings attached. Are you trying to tell me now that you've changed your mind?"

I couldn't help but smiled sardonically at this turn of events. I come to the realization that I might have romantic feelings for my old mentor and the man disappears, replaced by Snape, the man who hates all things beautiful. The smile is quickly replaced by a snarl, though.

"I'm trying to tell you that I need a chance to think!" I growled. "You're an intelligent man, Snape. Can you honestly tell me the dynamics of our arrangement are the same as what we both agreed to? Monogamous sex with no strings attached?"

The expression on his face softened slightly. "I see why there might be some confusion as to the rules here…"

"Beyond sex, but not a relationship."

"So what do you plan on doing about this, Mr. James?"

I resisted the urge to point out that I was planning to spend the night thinking about it, and instead settled for saying what was on my mind. Not always the best practice, as evidenced by my argument with Kestor, but then, I never was that in control when it came to my emotions.

"I don't like the confusion. I can appreciate the fact that not all situations are black and white, but I think this one can't withstand the ambiguity. I was hoping to settle for one or the other, but since you're here, perhaps we could reach a decision together."

Severus frowned, his eyes filled with a calculating glint. "I've become rather accustomed to finding you in my bed when I wake, but do not date, especially not fellow faculty members. It shows bad precedent for two professors to carry on the way we are."

"Then maybe dating is the wrong word, as were sharing each other's company. They weren't specific enough. Would you be satisfied with 'pursuing our relationship?'"

I could tell Severus was considering my words, but he was wavering. He wasn't joking when he'd said he didn't agree with two professors getting involved. I could almost agree with him on that respect. If the relationship were to go downhill it would put a lot of strain on the students. I felt justified in my case, however. The working relationship between Severus and I could hardly become any worse than it had been in September.

So, in an effort to remove all ambiguity in the situation, I took two steps forward, moved beside Severus on the couch, grabbed his head and crushed my lips against his. I've found this is a good way to silence a person's arguments. I used it on Kestor often enough while we were together.

Things progressed quickly from there, and I am able to say honestly we didn't even make it off the couch. We must have dozed, because I awoke with Severus all but lying on top of me. Because I wasn't uncomfortable, I didn't bother moving. He came to a little after that, however, and to my surprise, he smiled at me.

"I've never seen your bedroom," he said, smiling in a way I'd never seen before. "As much as I loath getting up, I'd be a lot happier lying next to you in a bed."

Seeing his point, we both stood up and moved, still naked, to my bedroom. It was only once we'd settled in under the covers that I decided, spur of the moment, to ask him something.

"Will you let me take you out for dinner?"

My taller lover gave me a look that definitely said, 'Are you crazy?' The look was followed by, "I thought we'd still agreed not to date."

"It wouldn't be a date. It would be us spending time together outside of Hogwarts. I know a nice little restaurant in Muggle London. No one will ever know Hogwarts resident vampire went out for dinner with the thorn in his side."

"Resident vampire?" The question was accompanied by rich laughter.

"Its what all the kids are saying," I answered with a cheeky grin. I was rewarded by a firm kiss to silence me. I can say with much contentment that we didn't get a lot of sleep that night.

Of course, with my luck, the following weekend was a Hogsmead weekend. Given the previous attack, all available teachers were to accompany the students and make their presence known. I settled on taking Severus out the following weekend, and grabbed my wallet to head out.

On my way out of the room I spotted the still full dish of food and wondered what had happened to Chie. I hadn't seen him for a while. I shrugged, slipped my coat on, and went out to meet my fellow professors. Cats were known to be independent.

I browsed the shops in Hogsmead, talking to students and professors both. The professors flipped and flopped on their opinions about me nearly as much as a fish out of water. Hermione has started talking to me again, and even Ron wasn't giving me the evil eye.

I was corned in the Three Broomsticks by Laurence and Kyron, two of the students who were helping me out with my marking. They convinced me to join them and have a drink, while they discussed their ideas on where the duelling club and the classes should go. They wanted more advanced training, and thought that since there were two professors one should take the more skilled students and the other should continue teach the rest the basics. I agreed that this was fair enough.

"And we want to start learning wandless magic," Kyron piped up.

I nodded once to indicate I'd heard him. "I've agreed to teach you all Accio, and I will before the year is through, but using wandless magic requires vast amounts of energy, and I'm not sure everyone, even in the seven year classes, could do it."

"You could make it an optional tutorial," Laurence put it, his voice cool and collected. "Only those students interested could sign up for it after class, and you could weed out those without the skill. We might need abilities like that soon."

I was going to ask what he meant by that when I heard a scream from outside, followed quickly by another, this time more shrill. I was up and out the door, wand at the ready before most other patrons could even move.

What I saw nearly left me paralyzed. It wasn't a student who'd been screaming, but Hermione. Someone with the nerve to dress up in the old Death Eater's uniform held her under the cruciatus curse. There were others moving about the town as people scrambled to find shelter, but I didn't pay them any mind. Forgetting about my wand, I cast my own variation on expelliarmus, taking the wizards wand, and sending him flying backwards with a nasty shock, quite literally.

I paused briefly to make sure Hermione was okay, but I was in true battle mode, engrained into me from my training while I was still at Hogwarts. I rushed towards the fallen Death Eater and ripped off his mask as he struggled to get up, only to find it wasn't a he at all. Staring me in the eye was none other than Pansy Parkinson.

"Parkinson!" I gasped in shock. I recovered quickly though. "Who sent you here? What are you planning?"

She replied with a feral grin. "Our master is going to take back everything his family lost, and there's nothing you or the rest of those idiots up at the castle can do. After all, you don't have your Golden Boy to save you any more."

Enraged, I took a page from Severus book and backhanded the girl knocking her out. We'd have someone to question for later.

I stood up to take on my next opponent, but the rest had left, leaving Pansy to fend for herself. It wasn't surprising, considering how loyal your typical Slytherin was.

I doubled back to Hermione, helping her from the ground. I tried to act as though I was concerned, but the wheels in my head were spinning. I had a strong suspicion as to who the leader of the attack was.

**AN:** I'm pleased to say this story is coming to a close. Probably two or three more chapters, though I can't guarantee it.

If you're happy it's going to end, or you're happy about anything else, press the go button in the corner and tell me.


	23. XXII: Murder Most Foul

**AN: **Apologies for the delays. Blame it on work, summer school, or marriage, or getting a new comp without a word processor… Whatever, one more chapter after this one.

I stormed into the headmaster's office once I was certain Ms. Parkinson would be taken care of. I was a little surprised to see him actually in his office, but I wasn't going to complain.

"I know who's behind these attacks." I stated as calmly as I could, given the situation. Dumbledore just raised an eyebrow to stare at me. I took this as my cue to continue. "Given who remains at large after Voldemort's fall, and the fact that Pansy Parkinson was the ring leader of this raid, it could only be Draco Malfoy."

I was shocked when Dumbledore scoffed at my suggestion. "Come now, Ethan. You and he might have been rivals in school, but he wouldn't be one to attack children. He's on the Board of Governors for the school, and he had no connection with Voldemort's last rise."

I wanted to point out to the older man that Lucius Malfoy had been on the Board of Governors as well, but kept my mouth shut. Instead, I took a deep breath to compose myself. "If he has no connection with this, then he shouldn't mind being put under veritaserum. We'll be able to eliminate him from the list of suspects and possibly get other leads."

The headmaster steepled his fingers and looked me in the eye. "And why don't we just put Ms. Parkinson under veritaserum? If she was leading the party she would surely know who was leading the Neo Death Eaters, and we wouldn't have to risk offending any high ranking wizards."

I resisted the urge to pinch the bridge of my nose, feeling a head ache coming on. So that's what this was about. Albus had obviously had enough trouble from Malfoy Sr. and didn't want to provoke anything if he could avoid it. It was ridiculous, because the headmaster had weathered more from Lucius than he son could ever dish out.

"I've already taken the liberty to question Pansy under the truth serum and she won't refer to her master as anything other than Master." Dumbledore made a move to comment, but I cut him off. "Even under direct questioning. This leader is being more careful than Voldemort, and Parkinson admitted that he was more interested in creating turmoil at the moment than in taking over the wizarding world."

"Alright," the headmaster conceded. "We will invite him in for voluntary questioning. If he refuses, you will _not_ pursue him until all other avenues have been exhausted. If he accepts, I will not allow you to be present during the questioning."

I nodded in acceptance, with no intention of following the headmaster's directions. If Malfoy didn't have something to do with this I would eat my wand.

I obeyed Albus' wishes and wasn't there for the questioning, but it didn't mean I wasn't going to listen in to what was being said. There was too much at stake if something was missed, and so I took note of everything that was said, convinced Draco Malfoy was the key to unravelling the mystery.

"Mr. Malfoy, I'm very sorry that I had to see you in these circumstances. Though you are not a suspect, we want to make sure that nothing of the sort happens again." The headmaster's voice was calm and grandfatherly.

"I understand, Headmaster," Draco replied, voice dripping with false sincerity. "I was distraught when I found out one of Hogwarts' own professors was attacked in suck a vicious way."

I nearly choked in disbelief. How could that bastard lie with such a straight face. To him, Hermione was just a filthy mudblood, and he couldn't care less what happened to her. I resisted the urge to scream and continued eavesdropping.

"Alright, we should get this started so that you can get back to your day. I assume you're accustomed to the practices of veritaserum, so I won't bore you with it again."

"Just get along with it. I have a pressing meeting with my attorney after this and I would hate to keep her waiting."

I assume Albus administered the potion before he began asking basic questions. "What is your name?"

"Draco Malfoy," the blonde replied. His lack of a middle name was my first hint that he wasn't a stranger to the truth serum.

"Where did you go to school?"

"Hogwarts, in Slytherin House."

"What is your age?"

"Twenty-four."

"Alright," Dumbledore began, "Noting that the potion is working, we shall begin the questioning. Where were you yesterday afternoon when Hogsmead was attacked?"

"At Malfoy Manor preparing for a meeting with my fellow Board of Governors."

"Do you have any knowledge of who was behind the attack?"

"I was told it was an attack by the new group of Death Eaters, but that no one knows for sure who leads them, nor who, aside from Parkinson, was involved."

The answer seemed to satisfy the headmaster, because he continued moving on. As for me, it left a churning feeling in my stomach.

"Can you tell us where your father is?" the headmaster asked, ploughing on.

"You asked me after the war when you first lost track of him. I will continue to tell you that I do not now, and even if I did, I would be disinclined to join him."

Dumbledore seemed to take what he said at face value, and left it at that. "Very well Mr. Malfoy. I appreciate you coming in to talk to us, and I'm sorry for your inconvenience."

Draco stood up and was administered the antidote. "I assume this will be the last time someone calls me in for unfounded questioning."

"Yes, Draco, and I do appreciate you being so cooperative."

I groaned when I heard this. I didn't for one minute believe Malfoy was being completely honest, though I couldn't at the moment prove he was being dishonest. I could only stew and hope more information would come forward without having to endure the torture or, Merlin forbid, death of more friends.

_"So, not only have my followers attacked without my permission, but one of my minions has been captured because of your folly."_

_"We apologize, Master. We believed the orders came from you. Indeed, Parkinson usurped your leadership in hopes of regaining your favour due to past mistakes."_

_"This blunder certainly will not help. If the authorities do not turn her to the Dementors after her questioning, I will certainly make sure her life is most… unpleasant."_

I woke up repeatedly throughout the night, a sinking feeling in my stomach. I was positive something was wrong, but for the life of me couldn't tell what it was. I refused to go to the Headmaster to discuss things with him. The ease I felt with him as a child was most definitely no longer there after his disregard of my information.

Because of this, I decided I'd wander the castle to perhaps clear my head. Slipping out of Severus' arms, I pulled on some casual clothing and slipped out of his room. As I prowled the halls I couldn't shake the sinking feeling I kept getting. Not knowing what to do, I returned to my own rooms to try and get some sleep, and if not, get some work done.

When I went to my classes I was feeling more haggard than I had in a long while, and the feeling that something was off still hadn't left me. It remained with me the entire week, and I continued to get little to no sleep.

Come Friday, I felt like a zombie, and even my students were beginning to pick up on it. It might have been the fact that I was starting to let them go earlier and earlier. I was looking forward to getting away from Hogwarts that weekend to visit Sirius and Remus in hopes of getting away from whatever was nagging me, but an emergency meeting was called for all of the staff members.

I was last to arrive, most likely because I was the last to receive the notice, but no one truly noticed.

"As you all know, I've questioned Draco Malfoy about any information he might have, but I believe we can rule him out as a suspect," the headmaster was saying as I entered the room.

"Are there any other's that might be implicated in the attack?" another professor asked.

"What about Malfoy Sr? He disappeared after the last war, and it would have been a perfect opportunity to reinvent himself as the new Dark Lord."

I nearly choked at the idea. There was no way the blond aristocrat could be behind any of this. I got a large number of strange looks because of this.

"What's so funny, Ethan?" both Dumbledore and Severus asked at the same time. If anyone noticed Serverus' use of my first name, the implications were lost over the curiosity for my amusement.

"Lucius Malfoy is dead," I stated bluntly. There were murmurs of what and how from my fellow professors, and as I bore their stares, I answered the confusion. "I killed him, the same night I…"

Albus tried to silence me with an "Ethan, no," but I plowed on.

"The same night I killed Voldemort."

There were gasps of shock and disbelief, but only two people actually understood what I was saying. Hermione and Severus looked at me, their expressions hurt and angry respectively. At the same time, they both stated, "Harry…"

(Flashback)

_ In hindsight, trying to storm the Death Eater's hideout single- handed probably wasn't one of the smartest things I'd ever done. In fact, there was no probably about it. It was by far my stupidest decision. Whoever came up with the rule that rage clouded judgement was right on the mark._

_ I am pleased to say that whoever stated that rage was a powerful motivator was also correct. Before they were able to take me down and subdue me I was able to take out half a dozen of my black cloaked, white masked attackers; nearly half their numbers._

_ When I awoke I found myself surrounded by four equally bare stone walls, held together by mortar, without any windows; your archetypal dungeon. Exactly what you'd expect the bad-guys to have in their basement. In a way it was somewhat disappointing. I was almost expecting more from them; maybe a little ring of fire, or a moat filled with basilisk venom… Well, maybe the latter was a little too much to hope for, but a stone cell was a little, shall we say underwhelming._

_ Of course, half of my ideas there were more than likely induced by the wounds I'd received by my none-to-accommodating captors. Some of the cuts were too deep for comfort, festering, and on top of the fevers, the pain was causing me to be delirious… At one point in my incoherent dreaming I could have sworn I'd talked to Cedric, and he didn't blame me for killing him._

_ People came and went from the cell, some bringing me food, some casting mild healing spells to make sure I didn't die prematurely. I'm sure the Dark Lord was waiting for the Summer Equinox to kill me. Whatever dark and nefarious ritual he was planning would most likely be at it's height during that time… either than or he was going to wait for the winter equinox and I was going to be stuck in the cell for months before I finally met my maker._

_ The most memorable visits were the ones from Lucius Malfoy. They stood out in my mind even more than the occasional appearance by Voldemort when he came to gloat._

_ "Oh how the mighty have fallen, Potter," he would state, running his long, taloned fingers down my arm. Or he would say, "It's a pity to think what you might have become," as he grabbed my chin to force me to look into his eyes._

_ But Lucius was different from the others. He didn't gloat, or taunt, or try to beat me. Instead, he would stand in the doorway as though watching a dangerous beast, and try to justify his actions, or the cause…_

_ "What we do is ultimately for the good of our society," he told me once when he got more comfortable in my company. He was sitting against one wall while I lay against the other, staring at him impassively. "Our strength is dwindling, and we need to keep our bloodlines strong. The more Muggle blood we bring in, the more dilute our magic becomes until the majority of wizards are born no better than squibs."_

_ He spoke as though he was trying to convince himself he was right. I watched him, unblinking, as he sounded his ideas off on me. Weeks must have gone by before my unwavering stare must have gotten to him. The breakdown wasn't an immediate thing, but in my own state, I didn't notice it happening until it was over._

_ "I did it for Narcissa," he claimed in a last ditch effort to defend himself. "Her family was immersed in the dark arts, and what better way to prove myself than to become a high standing member of Voldemort's Death Eaters. It worked well for so long too. I almost could convince myself what we were working towards was the right thing… But everything changed when Draco was born, and then when the Dark Lord fell for the first time. I thought I would be able to get away, but his grip on his followers was too strong. He came back, and it was either join him or watch my son be tortured and killed. I did my best to keep Draco from joining either side, so now I figure, either Voldemort wins, my family lives, and things go on as they are, or he loses, I die, and my family remains safe. At this point I no longer care…"_

_ It sounded like the ramblings of a drunk man to me half the time, and the other half I couldn't even make out what he was saying. It wasn't until I heard his last line, '_I no longer care'_ that I realized, _Hey! I do care!

_He might not care of the outcome of this war, or whether he lives or dies, but I certainly did! There were too many people who'd sacrificed their lives so that I could go on. There were too many people who'd died at the hands of Tom Riddle and this defeated blonde in front of me. And let us not forget the prophecy, that I was to destroy the Dark Lord, because I sure as hell wasn't going to let him destroy me._

_ I don't think the elder Malfoy realized I was moving from my prone position until I was up and lunging at him, my hands searching for his neck. There was a little struggle, but for some reason he didn't call out for help or pull his wand. I came out on top, my hands encircling his neck as I slowly strangled the life from him._

_ I didn't release my grip until his skin became cold and grey. I couldn't tell you how long I sat like that, but it was enough time for his body to stiffen. I didn't think about it as I felt his robes for his wand. Once I had it in my hands, I decided I might as well take his robes and mask as well. Exchanging out clothes, I moved his ridged body to the wall and hoped it looked enough like me that no one would notice him until it was too late._

_ Closing the door behind me, Lucius' wand in my hand, I looked down the hallway to see if anyone was coming. Then I was moving, searching for Voldemort, ready for the final battle. There would be no wand interference this time…_

(END)

I could still feel Lucius' clammy skin under my fingers as I remember that, or the way his eyes rolled to the back of his head when it was finally done. A wave of sickness washed over me. I'd nearly forgotten that memory until now, having been pushed to the back of my mind by the memories of my final battle with Voldemort.

I slowly became aware of the disbelieving stares of my colleagues , but as soon as I did I noticed one thing. Severus was no long in the room…

I'd just blown everything, and we were not closer to figuring out who was leading the Neo Death Eaters, especially if you ruled out Draco, which I wasn't entirely prepared to do…

_Kestor laughed heartily at the joke one of his companions told while he used the other to hold himself upright as they walked. He'd gone out to the bar for a good time, and had certainly found it, almost able to ignore the heartache he'd felt at Ethan's rejection._

_The one man who was joking around had about the same build as Ethan, while the other had the same personality. He wasn't necessarily interested in replacing his past lover, but he figured he had to be interested in Ethan for something, whether looks or personality, and this was a good enough way to find out._

_Planting a kiss on the one man's cheek, he then laughed at the other, before they almost literally bumped into a couple walking down the street. As he stumbled back , slightly drunk but still able to keep his balance, Kestor offered his heartfelt, if slurred apologies, the two men with him laughing as he did._

_He began to notice things were going wrong when the two people remained quiet, taking a step forward and reaching into their pockets. He almost laughed when they pulled out thin pieces of wood. _

_Kestor wondered if this was some kind of joke, until the couple pointed the sticks at his companions and they just… left him, without saying good bye or anything. He was left alone with the two, now menacing, people. He instantly sobered up, taking in their appearances. He could see they were wearing long robes with hoods that covered their faces. _

_He took a step back, intent on running, but suddenly found that he couldn't move._

_"You shouldn't have been involved in this," one of the figures said quietly, advancing on him._

_"We didn't want to involve Muggles at all," the other continued._

_"This was between us and the Order, but a lesson needs to be taught to those who interfere."_

_Kestor tried to protest that they had the wrong person, but he couldn't get his mouth to work either._

_"Don't worry," said the first figure, "this won't hurt a bit…"_

_"_Avada Kedavra!"

**AN: **It sucks, I know… review anyway? One more chapter after this one. I want to get it over with that's why it's rushed.


	24. XXIII: All Good Things

**AN:** Well here it is, the last instalment of the story that dragged on for far too long. I lied though, it's got two parts. I figured it came off better that way. I apologize that it sounds rushed, but I really had to force myself to get it over with.

On the plus side, I'm almost finished exams, and I'm thinking of re-doing this to include the fifth and sixth books. I'm actually planning on writing a fic that explains Harry's seventh year, and then another that follows a similar, but completely different plotline of SFC.

Anyway, enjoy, and don't hurt me too much.

**Chapter XXIII**

_All Good Things…_

For the next two days the entire school was in chaos. I was reminded of Dumbledore's comment during my first year: "What happened there was a complete secret, so naturally, the entire school knows." The revelation that the great hero Harry Potter was at the school and had been all year was now common knowledge among the students. Not only was Harry Potter alive and well, but he was somewhere at Hogwarts preparing some grand coup against the Neo Death Eaters. It would only be a short amount of time before it would be safe for the students to go outside again. There were so many times that I just wanted to scream at them.

The only saving grace was that if any of the students had come to realize who Harry Potter was, they were kind enough not to voice their suspicions aloud. I don't know if I would have been able to deal with the attention after so long out of the spot light.

To say the staff's reaction to my identity was mixed would be a little bit of an understatement. Hermione was happy to know that I was safe, but a little put out that I'd hidden from her. That was to be expected, and so I gave her space. Ron, on the other hand, was torn between knowing his best friend was alive and knowing that his best friend had neglected to contact him for six years. He looked as though he wanted to strangle me the majority of the time, but I was hoping he would come around like Sirius had.

For some of the staff, they were simply happy to know that they hadn't failed me in the end. They'd used me to defeat Voldemort six years ago, but they hadn't lost me like they'd thought. For others, they were filled with mixed feelings over what to think about my hiding and my new appearance. To them, I hadn't died when I fought Voldemort, but I also wasn't the young boy they'd sent of as a sacrifice. I was different, obviously, and far more independent, and it scared them.

It wasn't surprising that it was Severus' reaction that I found most difficult to cope with. While it was my own fault entirely, it would have been nice to know that the older wizard was able to move past who I used to be and accept what I had become. Wishful thinking obviously, but disappointment is always crushing.

I tried to respect Severus' sentiments on the matter, but after several months of not sleeping alone, and of having someone hold me when I woke up, I was beginning to feel like an insomniac. I could no longer sleep more than a few hours of sleep each night. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought I was heartbroken. It was an impossibility of course, because Severus and I only shared a mutual fondness. We weren't just acquaintances with benefits, but we were by no means soul mates either.

Still, it was difficult to walk by the man and offer a smile only to have him send me a withering glare in return; a look that told me I wasn't worth to dirt he walked on. I'm sure, if there hadn't been students around, he would have spat at my feet.

And so I kept telling myself that his reaction was justifiable, and no more that I deserved for lying to him, and that we wouldn't have had a future together anyway, even though I couldn't sleep at night, and I wanted to scream at him every time he sent me one of those disgusted looks.

When Monday rolled around I was quite convinced I looked like a Zombie. No amount of charms or Pepper-Up potions were going to get rid of the dark bags under my eyes, and so I'd given up trying, and instead slathered on the concealer I used to hide the scar on my forehead.

Looking slightly worse for wear, I made my way to the staff lounge to get a cup of coffee before facing the students in what was sure to be a class full of questions on anything other than defence. What I got when I reached the lounge was most definitely not what I had expected. Sitting on the couch was none other than Ginny Weasley in a state of pure shock. Her face was covered in soot, and her clothing was singed.

Ron sat beside her, rubbing her shoulders in a reassuring manner. The tension in the air pressed heavily against the room's occupants as we waited for the girl to calm enough to explain what had happened.

"I was visiting the twins," Ginny began when she'd finally calmed enough to speak, though her voice was still breathy and shaken. "They were attacked by the Death Eaters while I was there.

Aside from the odd gasps from my fellow professors the volume in the room dropped as everyone hung on the red-heads words.

"Fortunately their products make good booby traps. By the time they got to us, half of them had been taken out, and we were able to fight the rest of them off. Fred's with George at St. Mungo's right now, he took a nasty blow, but he's going to be alright," she added the last bit quickly when she noticed Ron and Hermione's faces pale substantially.

"I came here as soon as I was able to floo over. They didn't attack us for the fun of it like they've been doing before. The threatened us as we fought. They're doing it to get back at the people who stood up to them at the last Hogsmead raid. I don't know if we were the first, but everyone needs to warn their friends and family, anyone who might be in danger of these Death Eaters."

There was panic in the lounge. All of the professors began to insist all at once that they be able to go to their families houses to warn them. Dumbledore immediately calmed them with a single world; "Silence!"

The room was silent, everyone, myself included, waiting for his next words.

"I will open Hogwarts to the floo network, for communication purposes only," he stressed. "You will not leave the castle. There are still students who need to be attended to. You will speak to those you think might be in danger and you will warn them about the possible threat. If they are concerned for their safety, they may come to speak with me and we will arrange a safe location for them to reside until we have this matter under control.

"For those of you who have Muggle relations, you have my permission to leave for a brief period. I'll find someone to cover your classes as you do so. Hermione, Ethan, you may leave as soon as you're ready. I'll excuse you for the day."

I was motionless for a moment, trying to figure out how much risk my Muggle friends were. Deciding that it would have been possible for any number of people to have followed me, much like Severus did, I was out of the room in a flash. Unfortunately I wasn't out fast enough to miss Ron's parting comment in front of his sister.

"Why don't you just call him Harry bloody Potter, Headmaster, it is his name after all."

* * *

I rushed to my telephone the second I oriented myself in my apartment after arriving. I wasn't surprised that the first message from Kestor, yelling at me for ditching him that night after the concert. I quickly deleted it. The next one was Kestor calling to apologize for yelling at me. It brought a smile to my face. There were a couple more messages from Kestor and my fellow band mates trying to convince me to come to a practice, or to at least talk to them.

I ran through about a dozen of these before reaching one that made my blood run cold…

"Ethan!" came Alistor's angry voice from the recording. "Where the fuck are you, mate! I don't care if you had a falling out with Kestor, but I thought you'd at least have the common courtesy to come to his funeral! Even if you didn't care for him, his family still thought you were alright. You have any idea how crushed they'd be if you didn't show up?"

I dropped the phone to the floor, my knees going weak. Kestor had died... and recently too, if the frequency of the phone calls was any indication. I refused to cry as I picked up the phone and called Alistor's house, hoping beyond reason that I hadn't missed the funeral. I already had Kestor's death on my conscience. I wasn't going to let something like this rest there as well.

I had to choke back a sob when Alistor picked up the phone and answered. Her voice was filled with tears.

"Alistor, it's me," I said quiety, bracing myself for the inevitable.

It never came. Instead, Alistor responded tiredly. "You finally decided to call us? After how long? The funeral's this afternoon, and you decide to call us now?"

I stumbled over my words, my eyes clouding with tears. "I didn't know… I was out of town and I just got your message… I… He… What happened?"

"We don't know. He went out to the bar one night, and then didn't come back. They found his body in an alley. He didn't have any bloody wounds, and he wasn't mugged. The don't even know what killed him…" Alistor broke down into tears over the phone. "I saw his body, Harry… his face… It looked like he'd been frightened to death. It was, horrible…"

It was that moment that my resolve hardened. It was, beyond a doubt, the NeoDeath Eaters who'd done it. It was, essentially, my fault. And now it would be up to me to remedy the situation.

I got the details of the time and location for Kestor's funeral, deciding then that as soon as I was finished I would head back to Hogwarts, find out who'd grown too big for their britches, and I'd kill them.

* * *

I was on autopilot for the entirety of the funeral. I greeted the right people and offered my condolences, I sympathized with my friends, I shed tears for the death of my friend and ex-lover, and then I left. I know my band mates were confused over my behaviour, so uncharacteristic, but I wasn't about to stick around and explain it to them.

As soon as I was out of public view I returned to Hogwarts and made my way into the dungeon. Pansy was to be moved to Azkaban the following day, and I wasn't about to let the chance slip away.

Two Order members were guarding her, and they gave me strange looks as I approached. I smiled at them, and with a simple gesture of my hand I had them under a wandless sleeping charm. The two men slumped in their seats, one going so far as to actually fall out. The thump roused the Death Eater and she came to the bars of her cell to observe.

The woman gave me a feral grin, reminding me a little too much of Bellatrix Lestranger. I returned her smile at the thought. It would make what I was about to do so much easier. I'd never thought of Lestranger as human.

"So I see the great Harry Potter was the one to bring me down. I guess that makes my capture a little more bearable." She brought a chair up to the bars and sat down to face me, still grinning. "It was all these fools would talk about, actually. You're little confession in the staff room. Not the most tactful way to go about it, but I couldn't expect any more from a Gryffindor."

I never broke eye contact with her as I took the fallen guards seat and sat down facing her. She continued to talk.

"I have to say though, it is impressive to know that you took down two of the most powerful wizards of are time. And one with your bare hands no less. So… masculine of you. It shows you have an animal determination. Your mudblood mother would be so proud. I'll bet she…"

Pansy was cut off as I took that moment to strike; I'd had enough of her talking.

I launched an attack of Legimency on her mind, determined to find her master's identity, or at least where he'd be. I ripped into her mind, convinced the information was there, but buried. I shredded through the blocks on her mind one by one, ignoring her screams. When I finally got what I wanted, I let out a feral growl and tore myself free of her mind, regardless of the further damage it would do to her psych.

I paused a moment to look at her sprawled on the floor, her mindless body now limp. If she survived long enough for someone to find her down here, she'd spend the rest of her days in St. Mungo eating her food through a tube.

The satisfaction I felt over that idea was far greater than it should have been, and I began to wonder if I might have become a little unhinged. Pushing the thought from my mind, I pulled my magic around me, concentrated, and pushed my way through the Hogwarts wards. They shattered before me as I aparated out of the castle and to the location of the Neo Death Eater meetings.

I wasn't surprised to find myself in the middle of a swarm of dark wizards, and at that moment I no longer cared. My attention was focused solely on the young man sitting on a throne. Not exactly who I had expected, but given the nature of the group, it wasn't a complete surprise.

I snarled, and let my magic go, pulsing around me. It was raw magic, but also an effective shield. It would consume any curses sent my way and keep my attackers away physically until I was completely drained. I took a step forward towards the throne, my eyes fixed on one person. "Zabini."

The little ponce had the tenacity to smile at me, as though I were visiting for tea. "Welcome, my friend. It's been too long since I last saw you, though to be honest, I thought you were dead."

I controlled my temper, knowing the angrier I got the more my magic would flare, draining me far faster than was wise. "I could say the same to you, though I'll admit, your disappearing act was a little more thorough than mine. You actually had everyone convinced, whereas I became unavailable for a time."

"What can I say?" Blaise asked, stepping away from his throne. "We Slytherins were always better at planning."

The man advanced, drawing his wand gracefully. He held it idly by his side, waiting for me to make the next move. I let my magic flare around me again, pushing the Neo Death Eaters back a couple of steps.

"Down boy," Blaise commanded with a chuckle. He kept advancing until he reached the outside of my magical barrier. "I've heard about things like this. You'll get pretty tired holding it up after a while… a long while I'd expect, given who you are. Won't you find it hard to attack though? I take it that's why you came."

I'm sure I growled at the moment. "Why are you doing this?"

"Are you naïve, Harry?" His eyes were wide with shock. "You know what Slythrin house is famous for, beyond producing dark wizards. We're ambitious. That's why we become dark. You can't become powerful as a light wizard. There're too many restrictions. So I figured I'd take my chances here. I just didn't figure you'd still be around when I made my play.

"Your play?" I asked incredulously. "You've been planning this all along."

"Well before I offered to spy on Voldemort for the Order. The second I heard about the prophecy to be exact. _Neither can live while the other survives_. I fed each of them enough information to keep you alive long enough to destroy Voldemort and get yourself killed in the process. At least that's what I was hoping for. It appeared to work too."

The Neo Death Eaters were beginning to stir, mostly in disbelief. The leader who'd rescued them after the fall of their master had just confessed to using them as pawns. Their eyes flicked between Zabini and myself, unsure of which one to fix their rage on. Blaise captured my gaze and tapped his wand to his left arm. Immediately the Death Eaters were still.

"An ingenious little charm," he explained. "I placed it on the dark marks of my followers after they became a little too independent for their own good. I much prefer it over having to say _crucio_ every time they do something that displeases me."

"Why were you attacking children?" I asked, ignoring his words. I couldn't care less what he did to his Death Eaters, so long as they were out of my hair for the time being. I reigned by magic in a little, allowing Zabini to get closer.

"The first time wasn't my idea. It's what I meant by them getting to independent. The second time was because my followers had become a little too restless. I figured I'd let them have some fun. It was Pansy's idea. I hear she did a real number on Hermione before you took her down." A slight frown marked the man's features as he considered this. "I hope you're treating her kindly. She's my lover, you see."

I allowed myself a full fledged smirk at this, and brought my magic in further. Zabini moved closer as though drawn by the wall it created. "You'll be able to use her in that capacity, but I doubt she'll be good for much else any more."

Blaise's eyes hardened as he snapped, "What do you mean?"

"I needed to find out where her friends were hiding, but someone had put a block around her memory. She couldn't have spoken if she'd wanted to. I tried my hand with legimency, but I must say I was never very good at it. I might have spoiled her mind while I was at it." I smiled now, but I knew the full weight of what I had done would hit me if I made it out of here alive. It didn't stop me for the moment, however. "It's _quid pro quo_ after all."

Blaise was furious, drawing his wand and pointing it at me, knowing he was helpless until I dropped the shield or my magic ran out.

"You bastard!" he raged. "That filthy Muggle wasn't worth half of what Pansy was, and I was kind enough to kill him, not leave him as an invalid."

I shook my head at Blaise's display of passion. "Now now, you're not showing nearly the restraint your predecessor did. And besides there's no guarantee she survived the shock of having her mind torn apart."

The man took an angry step forward, his face contorted in his rage the same instant I let my magic flare again; one pulse that sent everyone to the ground. The Neo Death Eaters remained on the floor, stunned and unable to stand. To Zabini's credit, he only staggered as the magic pushed past him and my shields dropped.

Nearly instantaneously he pounced, wand at my throat, taking me to the ground.

"I'll kill you," he whispered in my ear, "but I'm going to make it slow and painful. You'll be awake until the very end."

"You won't survive long once the spell on your followers breaks," I pointed out, preparing myself to reverse our situations. Blaise looked for a retort, while I wriggled under him to get my hand on my wand. After keeping the shield up for as long as I had I didn't have the strength for wandless magic.

"But I'll be alive, and you'll be dead," Blaise finally said. "And if you kill me, the spell breaks immediately, and you die with me."

He had a point, but I no longer cared. I wrapped my fingers around the wand in my pocket, trying to angle it towards the man. With a wordless spell I had him pinned under me, his wand in my free hand. "You seem to forget how resourceful I am, Blaise. My wand broke in my battle with Voldemort and I still managed to come out on top. I don't think I'm going to have so much trouble with you."

I clearly had the advantage, but Blaise wasn't one to go down without a fight. Without his wand, he did the only thing that he had in his repertoire. He baited me, hoping to get me to screw up. "Go ahead then Harry. Use the curse. Kill a defences classmate at point blank. We'll see if you're man enough to do it."

'_Silly serpent,' _I remember thinking, '_You should know better than to taunt a lion_."

I smiled remembering how I'd killed Voldemort without a wand to filter the effects; compared to that this would be easy. I'm sure the smile was still on my face as those two unforgivable words slipped out.

The curse had barely left my lips when the Neo Death Eaters descended on me, ready to tear me limb from limb.

I welcomed the darkness when it came.

_Death is but the next great adventure._


	25. Epilogue

**EPILOGUE**

Plunking herself down in the seat next to her friend, Jenna let out an exasperated sigh. "Honestly, Deb, did you even finish that book?"

Deb looked at her friend, raising one eyebrow. "I did, and I liked it. It leaves it up to your imagination what'll happen next."

"Imagination indeed. You'd have to have an imagination to take that book even remotely seriously. I mean, wizards and witches with wands and broomsticks. How cliché can you get? And I still can't get over the end." She huffed again before putting extra effort into her voice, making it sound pompus. "Death is the next great adventure."

"It's just a book, Jen, you don't need to take it seriously." Deb shook her head and stood up, waiting for the other woman to lead her to her car. "We have to hurry up. Jamie's meeting us there at four and we're already running late."

"Don't get your panties in a knot. We've got plenty of time," Jen said as she stood up and grabbed her keys off the table. "But death isn't an adventure. When you die you die, and that's it, so you have to take what pleasure you can from life."

Deb rolled her eyes again as she slipped into the passenger seat. "How epicurean of you."

Jenna snorted and started the car. After several minutes she spoke again. "And why do we have to rush over there. We're just meeting him at his apartment."

"Punctuality is a good skill to develop, my feather brained friend."

"You're just lucky I didn't make you walk."

The rest of the car ride was uneventful. They pulled into the visitor parking and made their way up to their friend's apartment. They had only known him for three years, but already he'd been drawn into their circle, even if Jamie Evan remained a secret to them.

They didn't bother knocking on the door when the reached his flat. He was supposed to be waiting for them, and they'd never bothered knocking before, much to their friend's chagrin. When their eyes focused on the scene before them, they wished they had.

Jamie was talking to an older looking man with greasy dark hair in what appeared to be an animated discussion. Neither noticed the two girls walk in.

"You're a difficult man to find, Evan… or should I call you Jamie now?"

"Neither until you explain how you got into my rooms," Jamie replied, his voice hard in a way they'd never heard before from him. He must have been really angry.

"There's no need to get sharp with me," the man countered just as sharply. "If any one has a reason to be contrary it would be me. I find out I've been shagging my rival's son, and then he buggers off to America. And you left quite a mess behind you."

The girls shared a look, unable to believe that their friend was gay. It was as though they were watching a soap opera; very cool.

Jamie's face paled and his eyes dropped. "I see you found that."

"As if there was any doubt. You have no worries. As far as everyone's concerned, that monster was destroyed by his own followers."

"So if you're not here about that, why are you? And better yet, how did you find me? Why did you want to find me?"

"Your mutt of a godfather is getting married, as I'm sure you know. He was a little furious that you refused his invitation to the wedding, and wished for someone to go retrieve you. He would have come himself but his fiancée is forcing him to help make the plans."

"That doesn't explain why you of all people are here."

The older man faltered a little and coughed. "As to that… I've had a lot of time to think about it… three years to be exact, and I've come to the conclusion that you had your reasons. You're not the boy I taught all those years ago, nor did you become your father. My only regret is that you didn't bother to tell me before you made your little confession to the rest of the staff."

Jamie ducked his head sheepishly. "So I'm forgiven?"

"Not exactly. Remember, I've had three years to stew over it. You'll have to make it up to me."

"Why Sev, you've grown soft in your old age."

"I've told you not to call me that."

The two girls backed out of the apartment as they saw Jamie close his lone green eye and lean in to kiss the greasy haired man. As much as they might have enjoyed the free show, they weren't going to invade his privacy as he 'made up' with his lover.

"I still think that book was horrible," Jenna pouted as they shut the door behind them. "We never got to know if he hooked up with that Potion's Master."

* * *

**AN:** And there you have it, the conclusion of Six Feet Cold. I want to mention how grateful I am to Rubberboots who first gave me the idea for this story, and who pushed me the entire time to finish it. I would also like to thank Cerulane, who gave me an inspiring review recently and also offered to translate this into French, though I haven't heard back about it.

As for future endeavours, I'd like the readers' opinions. I'm still coming up with an outline, but I'm wondering if you would prefer Harry to be paired with Severus, Lucius, a character I'm brining in from a very obscure video game, or someone else entirely.

Thank you again for actually making it all the way through this, and I apologize for the decline in content over the past few years. I'm also grateful to all the people who discovered this 2 years ago and actually read all the way through.

Myan


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